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Dan was as thirsty as a re-dried raison in a box of salt, which made him wonder why he was eating re-dried raisons in a box of salt.
The only time anyone ever called him bright was when he french kissed an electric outlet, and that was mostly due to the glow from his melting underwear.
Ned had no given name. He stole his name from a corpse at AJ's funeral home and caterering service.
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He was the worst kind of Grammar Nazi, the skeletal thin kind, with a short dark mustache and a sub-machine gun.
He was a hairless round monk from the church of the third path, alway quoting the catcheism, "When forced to pick between A and B, always choose C."
Tiny grinned for there are few things in this world more dangerous than a tiny man with a big sword.
Many people said he was a pretty boy with a big and ugly gun, mainly because he asked them too, and he did have the big and ugly gun.
"Who's Your Daddy" he screamed over and over again, with his eyes clenched tightly closes and sweat pouring from his body, which was pretty strange since he was sitting alone in a quickly emptying bus on his way to Trenton New Jersey.
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Never one to suffer fools lightly, Grant brought a cheesecake to his mother-in-law's afternoon tea.
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Reuben worked hard day-to-day to leverage his resources on a going-forward basis.
Reuben's living room wallpaper consisted entirely of yellow post-it notes in homage to a former girlfriend who used to work for 3M.
Reuben had an unnatural fear of the Enter key and never did start using it until the latter half of 2002 during what his psychologist called a major breakthrough period.
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Cecily wasn't one of those people that jumped on the bandwagon...she always seemed to get run over by it instead.
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Jeffrey would often engage strangers in walking contests on the sidewalk, even though they were completely unaware of it, and if he ever lost, it is only because he refuses to step on the cracks.
Jeffrey invented the word meta-invention, and then went cross-eyed.
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When she showed up for the annual horseback ride with her Gucci boots, Coach saddle, and the stirrups she'd borrowed from her Gynecologist, everyone realized that Maggie's "down-home-country-girl" thing was just an act.
Bob stopped swimming in public pools after seeing Jaws.
Bob took great personal pride in knowing the individual who had coined the word "gridlock."
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Dan was the type of person who understood the subtlety in a alchemicist/chicken bullion joke. :lol
He was like, well, , and that was only on his good days, which were April 9th and every third friday.
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Eddie's the type of person who expects to be disliked by people, but gets offended as all hell if he's shunned by a cat.
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Ryuko, yeah, it is rather surprising, isn't it? Over the years, Playboy has published some very good sci fi too. Not that I read it...
I just looked at the pictures.
Then I realized that there isn't a woman on the planet who actually looks like that in real life. I mean, shoot, they could probably air-brush a picture and turn me into a centerfold. And I bet that staple tickles!
Oh well.
I actually did read the sci fi in one or two issues. And it was good.
I often wonder how that magazine survives, though. I don't know a single (or married) man who subscribes. I knew one guy who did all throughout college.
I haven't heard anyone even mention an article or a photo layout in years as being important or a "must see."
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(drools) If you made those sandwiches, I would GO! Hehehe, OK, maybe not, TX is a little far. But them're good.
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Upon becoming a young man, Jeffrey set out into the world to sow his Quaker oats.
Jeffrey interpreted the ancient Eastern philosophy of "becoming one with the universe" as trying to have sex with as many people/things as possible. He never achieved a state of spiritual oneness, but he did achieve many, many threenesses.
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kat, yes indeed. His name is Samuel I. Schwartz and at the time he was commissioner of the Traffic Bureau of the NYC Department of Transportation. Nowadays, he's a consulting doing traffic plans. He's doing the studies in support of the redevelopment of the WTC site.
Very interesting guy. Great to work for.
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Many was the day that Bob spent sorting his socks into enigmatic patterns on the kitchen floor.
She was both flattered and slightly disturbed to learn that Bob had named each and every one of her freckles, and then formed them into constellations.
Bob's imaginary friend broke all his toys.
Bob began to doubt his own sanity when he discovered that the pet he'd shared his home with for over ten years was really just a washcloth stretched over a wire frame.
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Dangling there, Bob thought of a pun about how he'd finally reached the end of his rope.
Bob took a trip to recharge his soul, but the astral plane went down with no survivors.
Bob decided to get serious about his health after his doctor said "if you were a dog, I'd have you put to sleep."
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Jeffrey was never sure whether he was awake or dreaming, which explains why he got arrested for public nudity so often.
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Bob went to so many conferences that he ultimately decided to wallpaper his bedroom with those "Hi, My name is ___" stickers.
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Dan learned something new every day (like the history of gridlock), but he forgot something old every hour.
Amnesia was a forgettable girl with an unforgettable name.
Dan's mental compass never pointed north, but instead it led to a mythical island that only he could visit.
Dan often dreamed about being a pirate, but realized he hated to sail, disliked the sea, was not into violence, and was basically looking for an excuse to hang around parrots.
Dan loved everybody and everybody loved Dan, which just goes to prove that opposites do attract.
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Reuben never did fully recover from the pencil wound he took defending his adjustable swivel chair in the Office Equipment Riots of '02.
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Bob found that it was very effective to turn the other cheek -- you almost have to to get in a good roundhouse kick to the lower jaw.
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Whenever Jeffrey stood behind someone in lines, he would think to himself, "I know you can read my mind, person standing in front of me," just to see if they would turn around, but when they invariably did not, it really didn't prove anything since if they really could read minds they wouldn't blow their cover like that.
afr, that was pretty funny.
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Where other people would cross the street to avoid the beggars and downtrodden, Dan had no qualms of walking right up to them and kicking them in the shins.
He was filled with a deep throbbing uncontrolable rage, topped with a marichino cherry.
His smile had that natural sincerity that only comes from hours of practice in front of a mirror.
Dan wore out his VCR taping comercials.
Every day Dan strove to be the best Dan he could be, which, when all was said and done, wasn't that great anyway.
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Annie tended to have momentary epiphanies of the true nature of the universe that really freaked her out.
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, and that was only on his good days, which were April 9th and every third friday.
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