Hatrack River Writers Workshop: 13 Line Challenge

This is topic 13 Line Challenge - Noir in forum Writing Challenges at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by axeminister (Member # 8991) on :

This challenge is designed to get you thinking (and writing) outside your comfort zone. I'd imagine not too many of us write in the Noir / Hard Boiled genre. Well, now's the time. Step back in time to the black and white, cigarette wielding era and give us an opening that makes us want to read more!

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/25/BigComboTrailer.jpg

You don't have to specifically write about a detective, or even "one man" but set the mood like in the picture above.

Please vote for your favorite 13, but keep in mind the opening's ability to transport you to another place and time.

Also, please give a mention of your favorite title.

Here's an example. This 13 is taken from Battlestar Galactica. The fictional book is called "Love and Bullets".

"It started like it always did. With a body. This one was in the river, and I could tell she had once been beautiful, but this bullet and fast current had taken away from her. All we are, or that we think we are, all that we are certain about, is taken away from us. When you've worked the streets and seen what I've seen, you become more and more convinced of it every day. Caprica City has been my teacher, my mistress. From the moment I open my eyes, she is in my blood, like cheap wine. Bitter and sweet, tinged with regret. I'll never be free of her, nor do I want to be, for she is what I am. All that is, should always be."

Votes will count 5 for first place, 4 for second place and 3 for third.

Rules:

1) 13 lines only. Make it a beginning of a story (this is a hook challenge)

2) Format as on the entries thread:

http://www.hatrack.com/forums/writers/forum/Forum7/HTML/000197.html

3) Contest starts now, Monday, Sept 12, 6AM EST.
You have until 6AM EST (-5 GMT) on Monday, Sept 19 to post.

4) Judging will be open from 6AM of the 19th to the following Monday 6AM Sept 26th. Non-voters will be disqualified and any votes they get will knock down.

Comments on this thread...entries on the other.

Axe

[This message has been edited by axeminister (edited September 13, 2011).]

Posted by Brendan (Member # 6044) on :

First it was Crank wanting to finish his story in 20123. Now its axeminister that wants us to finish the challenge voting on the 36th of the month. Hmm, makes me wonder about an interesting start.

Posted by axeminister (Member # 8991) on :

Ya know... I worked really hard on that so that it didn't have the goofy "this post was edited" comment.

Axe

Posted by MattLeo (Member # 9331) on :

Axe -- I'm a satirist. I don't *have* a comfort zone. Nonetheless, I have submitted an entry.

Posted by LDWriter2 (Member # 9148) on :

You know, I usually don't start a post-E-mail-note with You know but You know I've been wanting to do a hard boiled PI story for quite a while but your dates- the new deadline that is- gives us one week. The original would have given us more time... a lot of more time.

The 19th would make this a sort of speed test too.

Anyway, I'll see what I can come up with. I know I can come up with something to go along with the picture, it's the Noir accent I'm not sure about. Which is why I haven't done a story like that yet, but we shall see.

One question. I assume that by the intro it has to be in the past not a future or current story written Noir-like. Is that correct? I have an idea for the beginning of an opening.

Another question I just thought of:
We are just voting not critting? And if so can we make a comment anyway?

[This message has been edited by LDWriter2 (edited September 12, 2011).]

Posted by MattLeo (Member # 9331) on :

LDWriter2 -- the noir narrator is cool, detached, and cynical.

Part of that is the macho thing, but there's more going on. He's a tarnished knight for a corrupt world. Sure he's dirty, but there's part of his character that remains untouched. His cynicism is there to guard that. He's always weighing situations and shrewd about judging people. He's not always the brightest guy in the room, but he's the most grounded. That's why when he falls for the femme fatale he always surprises her by sending her up the river.

Imagine a movie scene. Humphrey Bogart is held by a couple of thugs while the head thug questions him. Then the head thug socks him. After the initial spasm of pain, a crooked smile slowly spreads over Bogey's face. He isn't just in this scene, he's watching it along with us. The watching part knows he's on the right track because he's got them rattled.

Dashiell Hammett is of course the writing voice everyone hears when they imagine a hard boiled narrator. One of the interesting things is how poetic his narrators can be. They run hot and cold at the same time, noticing concrete and specific details of a scene (hot), then capping that with an over-the-top metaphor (cold). That's the two parts of the narrator's psyche at work, the part that's in the scene, and the part that's outside the scene making judgments.

Posted by axeminister (Member # 8991) on :

Louis, I've edited my original post slightly. You don't specifically have to write about that picture. My thought was simply to give a head start in creating a mood. Blade Runner might border on noir in parts. You want to mix tech and noir go for it. (That's the name of the bar in Terminator 1. Tech-Noir)

Once again Matt hits the nail on the head. No matter how sticky the situation, because the narrator is generally speaking directly to you the entire time, you don't have the same depth of fear and worry you might for a traditional narrator. However, the fun is in seeing how he'll escape the situation. Usually it's with a gun. Soon there's a room full of bodies. One man remains and his triumph is a simple action like the tip of a hat. He was never in any real danger... He knew it all along, didn't you?

Axe

Posted by pdblake (Member # 9218) on :

I'm in, and I've taken my cue from the picture

Posted by MattLeo (Member # 9331) on :

Fixed the format of my entry to match the others.

Are we holding off discussion until voting?

Posted by axeminister (Member # 8991) on :

Matt,

Generally we wait to discuss the details of the other entries, (or our own) but we can say stuff like "No way I'm gonna win because those other entries are frickin awesome."

Thanks for jumping in this time.

A published author once told me, "I honed my skill by joining every 13 line contest on the forum."

Can't argue with results.

Axe

Posted by axeminister (Member # 8991) on :

Or we electronically smack Brendan around for using my 36 day calendar...

Axe

Posted by LDWriter2 (Member # 9148) on :

Okay, I'm working on it but I just have too much to say. 16 lines... I started at 23.

I don't know if I can reduce it anymore.

And I would almost like to do another one also. I want to do a hard boiled Mage.

Posted by MattLeo (Member # 9331) on :

quote:
want to do a hard boiled Mage.

Add mayonnaise and paprika and he could be a deviled mage.

Posted by Brendan (Member # 6044) on :

quote:
Or we electronically smack Brendan around for using my 36 day calendar...

Oh, you can have your 36 day month. I'll go with my 40 day month - its more original.

Posted by LDWriter2 (Member # 9148) on :

Okay, I entered. I don't expect much, I had to take out too much for an opening but I said I would so here it is.

Posted by axeminister (Member # 8991) on :

Competition is CLOSED!

Please crit and vote in the other thread.

May the best gumshoe win.

Axe

Posted by MattLeo (Member # 9331) on :

Interesting how many of us cheated and did a little genre-bending to move our stories into more familiar territory. I'm a satirist, so I made my hard-boiled dick a Methodist minister. Even axeminster's entry had a whiff of the paranormal about it.

I'd say only about half the entries really embraced the spirit of the challenge and wrote totally in an unfamiliar genre. I'll be the first to admit I cheated, although not willfully; just about everything I do comes out more satirical than it should.

Posted by axeminister (Member # 8991) on :

Matt,
You are paranormal. I swear. Your powers of observation and your intellect have you on some higher plane or something.

Where did you get paranormal from my 13?

I'll admit, this 13 is a spin off from my novel. (Due to my poor memory, I can't remember which of my WCE buddies said this, but) X said the opening of my novel had a noir feel to it. I promptly squashed it because that's not what I'm going for with that story.

But it got me thinking... (which brought about this contest, BTW.)

Anyway, I heavily altered my opening, did my best to purple it up a bit, added a cigarette, and typed it up.

Where's the paranormal in that?

Oh... The NOVEL has paranormal elements in it...

Clear as mud.

Scary, you.

Axe

Posted by MattLeo (Member # 9331) on :

Axe -- No chickens were sacrificed in the creation of this literary analysis. I just did what a satirist does: I worked out the logical consequences of what you wrote.

Usually if you take what somebody writes or says at face value then work out the consequences, the result is funny because it's so far from what the author intends. In this case I just extrapolated from what you wrote to the premises of a horror or contemporary fantasy book. If you were a lousy writer whose characters do inexplicable things, then I'd have taken your noir story and transformed it into a paranormal fantasy. That'd be funny to anyone who'd read your hypothetically bad detective story, rather than the pretty good fantasy you actually wrote.

So here's the inevitably disappointing summation: Your goons have the protagonist handcuffed and on his back, and *they're* the ones in trouble. They are horrified. They'd never have done this if they knew who (or what) their victim was. Therefore from their perspective he's some kind of monster -- not a metaphorical monster, but a bona fide horror. QED.

This is fine contemporary fantasy, but it doesn't really work as noir. A real HBD has to put himself in harm's way. To give the piece a real noir feel these Longcoats would have to be a credible threat, maybe monster hunters or something like that.

[This message has been edited by MattLeo (edited September 19, 2011).]

Posted by LDWriter2 (Member # 9148) on :

Speaking of modern Noir. Today I recalled a story I read a long time ago, with a hard boiled PI pulled into the future. He had a gun but in actuality it was a ray gun that looked like a 38. A top writer wrote it even though I can't recall who. The way it was written it sounded like there was more than one adventure with him but I've never seen any. Which may not mean much.

It must have been written over twenty years ago.

Posted by snapper (Member # 7299) on :

Did you change the margins, Kathleen? How does the system that I used for three years become suddenly antiquated?

I see other longtime submitters also had their entries chopped. Changes the contest greatly, I stopped at philo's the other night and now I see his has shrank as well.

Curious

Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :

Nope. Didn't change the margins.

Posted by Owasm (Member # 8501) on :

Axe,

Good job. Thanks for putting the challenge on.

Posted by snapper (Member # 7299) on :

Hate to disagree with you, Kathleen, but I just pasted what is left of my entry on your template. It takes up 11 lines, which leaves two to spare. I tried Philo's as well. His is 12.

Posted by philocinemas (Member # 8108) on :

Just posted the same thing as snapper without reading this first - something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

Posted by philocinemas (Member # 8108) on :

Matt, I don't feel that "noir" is as much of a time period as it is of a style. - The Usual Suspects comes to mind.

There is also a strong presence of noir in science fiction tradition and it shouldn't be considered "cheating" - no offense intended or taken.

For your consideration:
Future Noir

Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :

I don't know what to tell you, snapper and philocinemas.

What happens when you go to the edit of my template and look at how much space it takes up in the textarea box on your screen?

The template exactly fills my textarea, as do your truncated posts.

Posted by axeminister (Member # 8991) on :

OWASM: No problem.
I sit around and try to think of new challenges.
Well, I do both of those things, but not necessarily at the same time.

I have another one coming up:

Starting on October 17th.

It will be another 13 liner.

And it will have a tangible prize. That's right, actual money will be spent for the winner. It will have to be anonymous, of course.

Keep it tuned here for more info.

Axe

Posted by philocinemas (Member # 8108) on :

Kathleen, I'm emailing you my 13 so you can see how my post calibrated against your template.

Posted by Utahute72 (Member # 9057) on :

Ahh crap how did I miss this one. I love Noir.

Posted by LDWriter2 (Member # 9148) on :

Since this was a Noir contest I thought I would post this link about a new Noir book. Evidently the author has been dead quite a while but his agent or publisher had this manuscript.

It doesn't involve PIs and such but I would think it would good reading for those who like Noir.

http://tinyurl.com/Raising-Caine

Posted by Reziac (Member # 9345) on :

Re the 13 line thing, try pasting in 12 worth, then hand-typing in the 13th line. Otherwise the scrollbar on the text area can knock it down to 12 lines due to changing the line wrap.