quote:
Tadenc was a bright and inquisitive child, so naturally, his parents tried not to love him very much. When little Tad was three years old, it became obvious what kind of life he was suited for, so his parents made the hard choice as best they could. It was difficult to harden their hearts to a cheerful and loving child, but considering where his future obviously lay, it was for the best. So Tad grew up feeling separate from everyone around him, out of step from everyone who could have loved him, but didn't; and this was right and proper.
Have at it!
I actually hated your first sentence at first. Mainly because I had no way of correlating brightness and inquisitiveness as a reason to not love someone. But as I read along it would seem to me that, in this society, that is how you are to treat a child like this (eg - this society is different from ours). Kind of like preparing them for their future, which I would assume also is going to be hard and possibly involve decisions and actions that would best be suited for someone who hasn't been loved or loved (?). This is confirmed with your last sentence "and this was right and proper.
The use of comma's in this first thirteen is the first thing I notice. I would suggest trying to cut that down a bit, have a couple of shorter sentences. For example:
"Taderic was a bright and inquisitive child, so naturally, his parents tried not to love him very much."
"Taderic was a bright and inquisitive child. Naturally, his parents tried not to love him very much."
or something along those lines.
However, everything in this first paragraph is telling and therefore I can't connect with Tad. I don't know whether or how much this treatment hurts him. I don't know what he tries to do to gain the love that's being withheld. I don't know Tad.
Is there some way you could show this instead?
My issue is this line "considering where his future obviously lay, it..."
I( the reader) don't know what you are talking about, and the word obviously makes me feel like you are talking down to the reader, or withholding information in order to build suspense, but it didn't work for me. I suggest you try not to be vague.
Good luck with it.
~Sheena
I'll have to ponder this one. Thanks!
Also, the very first sentence is so incredibly alienating that first I got a little bit angry, and it took me a bit to keep reading and realize that this was a different society. But that's actually kinda nice
Thanks, everyone!
Magic can not change anyone's destiny. Fate must be conserved. SO ... magic is successfully done by those who are outcast, who will not have their life changed by being powerful in that way.
One implication is that magicians work at being outcast, being revolting. Tad was an intelligent boy - a requirement for being a magician - and the village needs a magician. His parents therefore help him to his life's work by rejecting him early and completely.
Yes, there are some logical holes in that story line, and those holes form part of the basic plot. And the springboard for the next book, if I ever make it that far.