The following are the first 13 lines of my current novel. I have rewritten and edited them a lot, but finally think that I've come up with something good. Let me know what you think!
.....I was fifteen years old when my life and the person I knew I was, changed forever. Sometimes change comes from inside of us. A strong determination of changing the way our life unfolds, a feeling inside of us that we ought to walk a different path. But, other times, change is enforced on us by an outsider. Maybe a stranger, maybe a person we know. The latter happened to me.
Funny, how your life can change in the blink of an eye:
“That was good! Very good, Ciara!” Charley Berlsey, my agent, said over the sound system. I looked at him through the glass of the recording studio. He was gesturing towards me.
“Why don’t you come here? I have something to discuss with you!”
The moment, I entered the room, I noticed that Charley was alone. I hesitated.
What follows, what I will describe, is the sexual abuse of the MP.
Though, guys I need your help!
You can see that I wrote the first 13 lines (+the entire prologue) in first person. However, the first chapter and the rest of this book are written in third person. My first question is, do you guys think I can do this?
My next question is that I could change the prologue and rewrite it in third person to match the rest of the manuscript. Though, when I tried it, it doesn't pull me in that much.
My final question is, that after the line "Funny, how your life can change in the blink of an eye:", I could have the flashback/memory written in third person. Or, would that through the reader off.
I like my first thirteen lines that way. However, I'm feeling totally uneasy as to how I should keep going with the first/third person view. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!
~Layla
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited April 04, 2011).]
quote:
…I was fifteen years old when my life and the person I thought I was, changed forever. Sometimes change is good and comes from a determination, inside, to change the way our life will unfold, a feeling that we ought to walk a different path. But other times, change is forced on us, by an outsider, maybe a stranger, or maybe even someone we know. That’s what happened to me. Funny, how your life can change in the blink of an eye.“That was good! Very good, Ciara!” said her agent, Charley Berlsey, over the sound system. She watched him through the recording studio glass. He was gesturing to her. “Why don’t you come in here? I have something to discuss with you.”
The moment she entered the room she noticed that Charley was alone and hesitated.
The first paragraph is very strong and I think that it’s the only part that should be in first person. By putting it in italics it makes it like the narrator at the start of a movie. The rest can and probably should be told in a close third. In fact I’m not sure that the rest is close enough, but once you get to the dialogue and the actual unfolding story, that’s where you should switch. The only other way that I can see to make this work is to do it like a journal entry, but that’s not really what you have going here.
I can definitely see why you are attached to first person for that first bit. It’s really good.
!
quote:
.....I was fifteen years old when my life and the person I knew I was, changed forever. Sometimes change comes from inside of us. A strong determination of changing the way our life unfolds, a feeling inside of us that we ought to walk a different path. But, other times, change is enforced on us by an outsider. Maybe a stranger, maybe a person we know. The latter happened to me.
Funny, how your life can change in the blink of an eye:“That was good! Very good, Ciara!” Charley Berlsey, my agent, said over the sound system. I looked at him through the glass of the recording studio. He was gesturing towards me.
“Why don’t you come here? I have something to discuss with you!”
The moment, I entered the room, I noticed that Charley was alone. I hesitated.
I'm a little confused. What was 'very good'?
The way it is written, I'm wondering if she is reading the first paragraph, like she is an actress, and this is a sound test. Does that make sense? Or is she thinking the first paragraph, and then a scene break to where her life was changed?
I think a little formating would clear that up. Scene breaks are usually set apart by # symbols in a manuscript to make it clear.
Also, I think we need a little more grounding in the studio scene. Start one sentence earlier and show us Ciara finishing what ever her agent thinks was very good. Like her catching her breath after the final note or giving us some indication as to how she felt about the recording. Was it her best work yet or did she feel she could do better? These are just suggestions, but I think we need something before the agent speaks.
And about the changing from 1st person to 3rd. I agree with Josephine. Italicize the first paragraph and change the rest to third.
Good luck with this and welcome to hatrack.
I am not a huge fan of starting with a flashback, although I think in this case it works. I know you said this was a prologue so for that reason I think I can be more forgiving.
As for your questions. If it is only the prologue that is written in first person I think that will be alright. Again with prologues I think you can break some of the rules. I would not change back and forth between first and third person. I have read too many stories that try to do that, and I have always come away asking myself what the heck happened. It really can break the suspension of disbelief and yank a reader out of the story.
A couple of other thoughts and these are really general thoughts about prologues and not specifically about yours since I have not read all of yours. You have to ask yourself what you are doing in the prologue that could not be done with small bits within the main body of the story. In other words do you need a prologue at all. I am not saying you should get rid of what is in the prologue rather understand why you are using it, and not flashbacks during the story or some other device.