They were nothing more than drifting blips of consciousness against a backdrop of infinity. They were running from what humanity had become---to save what it could be. Some believed they were going on an adventure, others ran from an existence of convenience, and others from the law. Dreamers, philosophers, geniuses (if you could call one such who was willing to partake in such a mission)were aboard; those insane enough to bury in the gullet of an asteroid and sling shot into the stars. The end of another decade was upon the Rock and it would soon be time to reanimate the replacement crew. Titus dreaded being confined again in the icy grip of the stasis chamber. He was a hunter and trained killer, trapped for two centuries with no prey.
[This is an idea for a novel that I've been cognitively molding for the last month. I'm new to the genre of Science fiction, but I'm an avid writer. Don't hold back, the negative criticism always helps the most.]
Posted by Pyraxis (Member # 7990) on :
I'm not a big fan of stories that start with sweeping philosophical promises, because it's not often that the ideas they contain are anything new, and the writing style is too vague to get hooked on anything other than an idea. It's hard to figure out what's going on. Are these disembodied spirits? Humans? Aliens? We find out in the next paragraph that they're a spaceship crew in some kind of cryo, but I would rather have been oriented sooner.
I don't really see anything about Titus that distinguishes him from the thousands of action heroes in existing stories. Maybe cut some of the introduction and instead show some personal quirks of Titus that let the reader build a better picture of him? Also, he's incongruent with the original description - he's neither a dreamer (that we know of) nor a philosopher, nor a genius.
Why would it matter that he was trapped for two centuries without prey, if he was in stasis? Was he conscious the whole time?
Posted by satate (Member # 8082) on :
I kind of liked the first sentence but then you lost me. The next several sentences tell me vague and generalized things about people we haven't met yet. Try introducing Titus and show us how they're trying to save humanity. I'd rather read and meet the characters and discover as I'm getting to know them that they're running from something or wanted adventure.
Posted by MrsBrown (Member # 5195) on :