Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Prison of Power

This is topic Prison of Power in forum Hatrack Writers - Publications & Reviews at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Chris Northern (Member # 9280) on :

Well, here's the thing. Prison of Power was at 1910 on the Sales Ranking at Diesel ebooks two days ago and is now at 1774. Having crunched the numbers I think that puts it near or in the top 100 in the Fantasy catagory.

Prison of Power is (at the moment) free anywhere it is distributed.

Not one person has yet reviewed or rated Prison of Power anywhere.

I am confused. Pleased, but confused. Other books at the same kind of level have scores of ratings/reviews/comments. I would love to know what people actually thing of the book. That would be nice. If it continues to rise at the same rate it will hit the number one spot... if that happens and no one says anything at all about what they think of it, that would be just freaky.

I guess I'm hoping someone will take a copy (free for now), read it, and - you know - tell me what they think? Please? someone?

Posted by snapper (Member # 7299) on :

Congrats, Chris. You can request it to be reviewed. Finding a place can be difficult, and you might not like what you here, but I do know they exist.

Posted by honu (Member # 8277) on :

Well done, Chris!

Posted by LDWriter2 (Member # 9148) on :

Congrats.

Sounds like its going up even without a review.

Posted by Reziac (Member # 9345) on :

Well, first I had to find it, but ... behold!
http://www.diesel-ebooks.com/author/Northern,%20Chris/results/10-Default/1.html

Just epub format?? <goes off, roots around> Oh, here's other formats: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1075

Posted by Chris Northern (Member # 9280) on :

Thanks Reziac; I am hopeless at promotion, too self-effacing by far, so that's greatly appreciated. And thanks to all for the kind words. Any review, good or bad, would be better than this strange, deathly hush from readers. Other books of mine are getting nice reviews but hardly any sales; the free one is flying but not a word said. It's a very strange feeling, I can tell you.

Posted by Reziac (Member # 9345) on :

So far I've read about ten pages, and while it's ripping right along (the picture of battlefield chaos is ... well, chaotic! and it seems to have started at a good point), it's also got a problem with chronic wordiness and double-explaining (along with some half-considered ideas) that actually makes it hard to keep track of what's going on. Lemme see if I can find that typical example I was looking at last night again... ah, here it is:

quote:
A flash of light nearly blinded her. Only the distance between them saved her sight, and even so it seemed dark for a few moments. When her sight returned, Ormindas and his Warrior-Priests were in the clear.

This could be much more compact as well as better-defined (who the heck is the "them" we're distant from?), frex,

quote:
A brilliant flash from XXX momentarily blinded her. When her sight returned, Ormindas and his Warrior-Priests were in the clear.

where XXX is 2 or 3 words comprising [the spot, person, and/or direction, to set how far away, as well as to tell us what's blowing up without having to describe it].

And in the half-considered-ideas department: If distance saved HER sight, what happened to everyone who was closer? They're all permanently blind now?? If so, the frontline are now all screaming in terror and plunging blindly (d'oh!) in all directions, or whatever abruptly-blinded warriors do. -- And if I had a weapon like that, I wouldn't be wasting my own warriors' lives on the battlefield!

Also, most of the "this thing, he knew; that sight, she saw" structures are unnecessary, and distance us from the character. If that's whose POV it is, who else would be knowing/seeing whatever??

Anyway, hope that helps... I do like the sense of motion, noise, and helplessly lost situation, but I also think it still needs some editing for prime time.

[This message has been edited by Reziac (edited January 30, 2011).]

Posted by Chris Northern (Member # 9280) on :

Hi Reziac, telling points well made. If you want an editing job it's yours.

Right now it's free for more than one reason; an edit is needed and I'm too involved in book III of a series to get back to it, and I'm not sure I even want to. I managed to miss the intended point of the whole book; if you complete the read we can talk about it then if you like, right now might not be the best time.

I put it out a year ago to test the water when the whole ebook/indie thing started happening and immediately got couple of sales. When I had two otehr books up, far better books in my opinion, I figured PoP would be the logical loss leader because I didn't intend to write any more in that world. Now I'm not so sure it should be out at all.

If it drags you through to the end, I guess I'll know more than I do now.

Thanks for the comments; I comletely agree them.

Posted by Reziac (Member # 9345) on :

I'll keep going for a while at least... I find I'm curious about this "Regret" creature, and the "Eyeless King". And it is not, thank the gods, in first person, of which I am exceedingly weary.

The other thing I note is that there's an awful lot going on up front and a boatload of people to remember; we'll see if it sufficiently sorts itself out as it goes along.

Who knows, I might get inspired and commit an edit upon it. (Sounds like a new and different perversion!) Meanwhile, if the comments help on your current work, all is not lost!

Your marketing strategy sounds all right, tho seems to me the loss-leader really has to hook readers to do its job, given how much free material is out there.

Addendum: I just discovered and read the afterword... so you really wanted to tell the tales of the prologue and the coda? My experience has been that while such stories make good character background, they often make poor fiction; the conflict that lies between generation and outcome, adolescence and maturity, is where the real story lies, to the reader. Our view as creators of our worlds is necessarily broader, and sometimes deceives us into following factors outside the tale's true scope; thus the common problem of starting a story too soon or stopping it too late.

========

One of these days I could use another set of eyes on my own Epic as well; my main problem is writing too sparely and leaving stuff OUT... I know these people *too* well by now.

[This message has been beaten to death by Reziac (edited January 30, 2011).]

[This message has been edited by Reziac (edited January 30, 2011).]

Posted by Chris Northern (Member # 9280) on :

Happy to take a look, which seems only fair considering your own efforts on my behalf.

Yes, there are lot's of people; someone for everyone, I thought at the time of writing.

I hadn't noticed a glut of first person fantasy out there. I'm writing The Price Of Freedom sequence in first person; the first two are getting good reviews and ratings, so I'm hopeful of reasonable sales. First person flows better but it's harder to get the plot in... everything has to pass before Sumto's eyes at some time or another. It's a challenge, yet I am enjoying the process a heck of a lot more. There aren't many laughs in PoP, but Sumto often makes me smile. Poor guy. I do put him through the wringer.

Posted by Reziac (Member # 9345) on :

What I've noticed is a lot of new writers using first person because to them it seems more involving (after all "I" am telling the story!), but the truth is it's harder to get right. Meanwhile, IMO it teaches a lot of bad habits, since in first person the tendency is to tell and shove the reader away, rather than show and draw the reader in. Methinks anyone attempting it ought to study a work that succeeds at being involving in first person, frex Travis McGee... where you can readily forget what voice it's in entirely. (After the first one I read, I actually had to check, I couldn't recall for sure.)

I'm going to back up and do an edit-as-I-read on your PoP, cuz otherwise I'm liable to never get to it. [grrrr.... yeah, I'll start procrastinating tomorrow!!] And I'll send you an email re my Epic. I drag my MC under the wheels too.