Hatrack River Writers Workshop: A Bittersweet Quest

This is topic A Bittersweet Quest in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Kokor Hekkus (Member # 9593) on :

I wanted to write a story in which the protagonist, and entire story, had absolutely nothing to do with humanity at all, e.g. no reference points our current world. Of course, there still needs to be some 'anthropomorphism' in order to actually make it enjoyable to read. What do people think of my first 13?
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Silva's quest was simple: control over air. His mastery over that capricious element was so far ineffectual, but lack of success did not cause him to lose sight of his aim. He aspired to withhold entire atmospheres from their planets. Achieving this, Silva reasoned that his power and influence would soon spread though the multiverse, carried on wings of fear.
His planet of birth was wet, and covered in vast oceans of hyacinths, with occasional lakes of upturned lilies; Silva's current bodyform was thus amphibian. There were also sporadic extrusions of igneous rock. Rarely did he venture onto these, for dribbles of magma spilled from the ground at inopportune moments and Silva knew bodily disintegration to be a tedious and painful experience.

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited August 26, 2011).]

Posted by Merlion-Emrys (Member # 7912) on :

quote:
He aspired to withhold entire atmospheres from their planets.

Something about this wording doesn't quite sit right with me. I assume the overall upshot is he wants to be able to threaten the civilizations on a planet with removing their planet's atmosphere (quite an interesting and dramatic plan I must say) but the atmospheres and their planets connection here I think isn't working for me. Maybe something like "He aspired to withold the atmospheres of entire planets from their inhabitants." This might just be me...it's just something to consider.

It definitely has me interested. I like the oceans of hyacinths and lakes of upturned lillies. The biggest things in my mind are, is this guy some sort of spirit-entity who has learned the trick of self-incarnation? Is he spirit in his natural state, or was he born with a body and learned to transcend it?

I personally would be compelled to read more just to find these things out.

[This message has been edited by Merlion-Emrys (edited August 26, 2011).]

Posted by babooher (Member # 8617) on :

"I wanted to write a story in which the protagonist, and entire story, had absolutely nothing to do with humanity at all"

Your interests and goals are valid, but I might caution against this one. I think the second half of the statement where you mention anthropomorphism is a nod in the right direction, but anything devoid of humanity is going to be a tough sell. Now, devoid of earth references or even humans is fine (although some people gripe about humans in bug-eyed bodies).

Anyway, to the story (you know, the important stuff).

I have a hard time taking Silva seriously. For one, he wants to deprive a planet of its atmosphere which makes me think of Spaceballs. The other issue is that his motivation seems like a cliched comic book villain. Power and influence for the sake of power and influence seems one dimensional.

The wording is fine, but I think he doesn't do much. Overall, he isn't new enough for me to want to go on.

Posted by Merlion-Emrys (Member # 7912) on :

quote:
I think the second half of the statement where you mention anthropomorphism is a nod in the right direction, but anything devoid of humanity is going to be a tough sell. Now, devoid of earth references or even humans is fine

Not trying to derail here but I'm curious...what's the difference?

Posted by skadder (Member # 6757) on :

I interpret that as meaning that the story has to have 'humanity' within it for the reader to relate to aspects of it.

For example within this story so far the protagonist seems to be power-seeking--as humans we get that.

To be fair, I am not sure a human could write a story without some 'humanity' within it...

Posted by Kokor Hekkus (Member # 9593) on :

quote:
For one, he wants to deprive a planet of its atmosphere which makes me think of Spaceballs.

Haha!! I had forgotten that plot of Spaceballs :-) Good spot; might have to change that!

Posted by Merlion-Emrys (Member # 7912) on :

I thought of that as well, but I still think it's an interesting idea. Just because it's been done in a comedy movie doesn't mean it can't be given a more serious treatment.

Posted by babooher (Member # 8617) on :

Skadder wrote "I interpret that as meaning that the story has to have 'humanity' within it for the reader to relate to aspects of it."

That's what I meant.

And Merlion-Emrys wrote "Just because it's been done in a comedy movie doesn't mean it can't be given a more serious treatment." Absolutely. Ever check out the origins of parts of Indiana Jones or Inception?