Miss Laurie takes care of me. She takes care of other kids too… lots of them. But she’s not my mom. I lived with dad until the police came and took me to live with Miss Laurie and her big family. I thought I would go back to my dad… But the judge wouldn’t let me. Miss Laurie took me to see him for a visit. I don’t know why I got so mad! When I saw him I started yelling. I said, “I’m so mad! I’m so mad at you!” I folded my arms and wouldn’t talk to him any more. When we got back to Miss Laurie’s house I was still upset. “I want to go home!” I told her. I went to my bed and hid my face from everybody. The next week the visit was great! Dad gave me a rocking horse that he made out of wood. It was a foot tall and rocked back and forth. We played with it until our time was
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited July 21, 2010).]
Posted by philocinemas (Member # 8108) on :
I apologize for not noticing earlier that you were writing children's books - we don't get that much around here.
I am curious if you have foster children. I myself do not, but I have worked with children in this situation many times. I feel this must be written more for children in "normalized" households instead of the ones actually in foster care. I don't know if I would want to get into the whole legal aspect of this situation - it might suggest that the police can come and take any child away from his/her family. Children go into foster care for many reasons, and you probably should not stereotype this in a story - some children will expect every foster child or his/her parents to have done something wrong.
Ultimately, a social worker will be the new family's only government contact regarding this child, so you may wish to start there. The "Dad" part is a little iffy - many times children are not allowed contact or only supervised contact with birth parents.
You should probably shorten the paragraphs for a children's book. Also, if this is directed toward the foster children it will probably lose them quickly - for most of these kids, the verbage will be somewhat foreign to them.
I would really need to know who the intended audience is and where this story is going to give you a suitable critique.
Posted by Zack Zyder (Member # 9162) on :
It's a typical picture book in one sense--it's for kids ages 4-8. More specifically I see this as a tool: Counselors and foster parents could use this story to help foster children work through difficult feelings regarding their birth parents; although I would like the story to have a broader appeal as well. There are over 500,000 children in foster care throughout the US, and their stories should be told to a general readership.
My wife and I have had 18 foster kids.
[This message has been edited by Zack Zyder (edited July 22, 2010).]
Posted by walexander (Member # 9151) on :
I apologize too, I didn't notice it was meant for young children.
I'm great at making up stories to tell kids, but still bad at writing them for others to read. So I'll just watch this one and learn.
W.
Posted by Zack Zyder (Member # 9162) on :
[Revision] Miss Laurie takes care of me. She takes care of other kids too… lots of them. But she’s not my mom. I lived with Dad, until the police came and took me to live with Miss Laurie and her big family. I thought my dad would come back and get me. But he didn’t. Instead, Miss Laurie took me to see him for a visit. I don’t know why I got so mad! When I saw him I started yelling. I said, “I’m so mad at you! I hate you!” I folded my arms and wouldn’t talk to him any more. When we got back to Miss Laurie’s house I was still upset. “I want to go home!” I sobbed.
Posted by walexander (Member # 9151) on :
Zack what kind genres is this story going to be?
Picture book? Easy reader? transition book? Because a 1500 words is a book to children.
I confess I had to look them up myself. I was trying to get a better feel for how they layout. So I could then I get a better understanding of your first 13.
W.
Posted by Zack Zyder (Member # 9162) on :
It has 325 words. It's a picture book for primary (Kindergarten-grade 3) children.
[This message has been edited by Zack Zyder (edited July 23, 2010).]
Posted by philocinemas (Member # 8108) on :
I will take a look at it if you would like to send it to me. I have taught and worked with that age group (with both special education and behavioral modification), and my son is in third grade.
I will not be able to look at it until some time next week - I am going out of town over the weekend.