At every bus stop quietly smiling at those he only knew by sight.
Staring out the windows as the trees raced past, lost in the confusion of his thoughts.
Longingly gazing out the window at happy people -- smiles on their faces.
Hoping a lovely girl will sit next to him and form a connection.
Really just hoping to form a connection with any of the faceless passengers.
He wanted to see their faces, to understand them.
Over time he built up imaginary personas of some of those he saw regularly.
Baselessly based on the expressions on their faces.
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited June 21, 2010).]
Posted by tchernabyelo (Member # 2651) on :
You seem to be unsure of tense, and I am not convinced the formatting of one paragraph per sentence (or fragment), if deliberate, adds anything.
For me, there's no feel of an actual story here.
Just my opinion. Feel free to reject it.
Posted by Ethereon (Member # 9133) on :
Is this a poem?
Posted by Welches (Member # 9135) on :
The one sentence per paragraph is due to "copy & paste". Also, it is intended to be microfiction.
Posted by NoTimeToThink (Member # 5174) on :
Reads like a poem to me. Not sure what the reference is to "copy & paste". There are already 99 words here, so is this the entire piece? If so, I guess it's a sketch rather than a story?