quote:
“Caw!”
“Good morning Mary Ann,” the Wicked Witch of the East said to the crow that sat on the ledge of her window. “What are the servants up to this morning?”
“Caw! Caw!”
“Is that so?” She stepped up to the ledge and looked out at her lands from the top spire of her mansion. The sight of watching the peasants of Oz toil for her own gains made her smile. “There always has to be at least one slacker, right Mary Ann?”
“Caw!”
The witch slipped on her sliver slippers. “Breakfast does sound like a good idea.”
She closed her eyes and clicked her heels together. “There’s no place like the kitchen. There’s no place like the kitchen.”
[This message has been edited by snapper (edited May 30, 2009).]
I love the way you describe the witch overseeing her land, great writing. I can’t really fault it, other than what I’ve mentioned above.
The CAW thing didn't bother me a bit.
Nits:
“that sat”… sitting?
“the ledge of her window” … windowsill?
“The sight of watching” … hmm.
If this was at an easy reading level, I think kids could really get into it. My 6 yr old would love this...even though you wouldn't want to write it at that level.
The conversation with the crow wasn't confusing to me, because I was reading it at a lower level...Actually, because I am used to reading to my girls, I liked it...Interaction like that makes the story "pop". I have a running story I tell my girls and I have given all my animal character accents...They love the turtle with the Texan drawl...
Nice catches there Mrs Brown especially The sight of watching. I wonder what I thought I was thinking.
This is a story is about what happened to the Wicked Witch of the East before Dorothy so rudely dropped a house on her head.
Thanks for the input!
Edited to add: I finished it if anyone wants a look...
or something to read to little ones before bed
[This message has been edited by snapper (edited June 01, 2009).]