"...A beautiful day we are having tomorrow was it not?"
That's not an exact translation of Utmano, but it's as close as I'm likely to get on a Tuesday. I'm a translator. I'm the guy who whispers connotations, corrections, and culpability to Space Systems' chief negotiator in case the computer renders too literal a verdict on the Utmano phrasing. Not that I can speak Utmano. The human throat cannot endure that punishment, but I am good at listening to that grumble they call speech.
You've heard all the horror stories, I am sure. Who translated "enter the software into the computer" as "put your lingerie in the machine?" Well, it wasn't me. And I definitely was not with the arms negotiator who confounded "threat of nuclear winter" with "bet on the nuclear winner.".
[This message has been edited by RDF (edited January 21, 2009).]
Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :
I'm interested but hesitant. I hesitate because I'm not sure if the grammatic errors are intentional or not. If they are, I suggest making that clear.
"...A beautiful day we are having tomorrow was it not?"
What jumps out at me, of course, is the tense change. If this is intentional, a mention in the next line could make it clear--"That's not an exact translation of Utmano--the tenses are always so tricky--but it's as close as..."
Also, "put you lingerie in the machine"? Is it supposed to be "Put your..." or "You put..." I get that it's a lousy translation, and by itself it would be fine, but with the earlier tense conflict it makes me really hesitant to read on. Why wouldn't a translator at least try to make it be grammatically correct, even if the sense if off?
My 2 cents.
Posted by Troy (Member # 2640) on :
I don't find it plausible that a translator would confuse 'threat of nuclear winter' with 'bet on nuclear winner' ; those phrases seem unlikely to rhyme in the original language. I would definitely be pulled out of the flow of the story when I reached that point.
Otherwise, no nits. Looks okay. The conversational voice is a nice touch.
Promises made:
I took it from the tense-change in the beginning that this story is going to be about how this alien race is unbound, somehow, by the limitations of linear time. Either physically or psychically. So just be aware that is, at least on some level, being indicated.
[This message has been edited by Troy (edited January 21, 2009).]
Posted by RDF (Member # 8363) on :
Thanks Troy,
I hope to keep the promise.
Posted by alan1701 (Member # 9186) on :
I'm not entirely hooked, but I would keep reading a bit further. The opening is a little difficult to follow and I had to re-read a few phrases. Perhaps it could be cleaned up a bit for people who can't seem to concentrate as deeply as it currently requires.
Posted by EP Kaplan (Member # 5688) on :
I'd read on. It's funny, but with with that sort of realism that makes it feel like it could go anywhere. Feel free to send the rest over.
Posted by Garlic Coachman (Member # 8432) on :
Perhaps you can give your translation new meaning and error via word placement. I knew someone who tried saying that her husband was foolish but instead said that the man was the husband of a fool. Another tried to ask a Russian offical to look out for some stolen Identification cards but instead made a reference to "painted potatoes". I made an error for years by using a phase that the literal translation is "really important" but the actual meaning is the opposite. Another thing that you can do, is use one of those free online translators. You can put an sentence in English thru a few other language and then put it back to English. Some of the results are better than anything you can imagine.