Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Me and Rainbow -- Flash 650 -- PsychoThrillerFantasy??

This is topic Me and Rainbow -- Flash 650 -- PsychoThrillerFantasy?? in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by tmoraca (Member # 8080) on :

This is my first post... don't know the genre, maybe just lit. Excuse me if I mess up the 13-line thing. I'd love to have people critique the whole story; here goes:

I'd almost drifted off when the line pulled tight.

-This is it!

I grabbed the stick from its home in the sand and yanked it hard to close the deal. The plastic string zigged and zagged across the surface of the murky water, and I wrapped it around my hand and reeled it in, foot by foot, until a fish emerged from the dark depths of the bay, flipping left and right and trying desperately to escape the hook I'd hung. The sun pierced through the silt and the algae and glistened off his scales, and I could see that he was beautiful.

"Don't worry, little guy," I spun the line high above me to admire my catch against the clear blue sky, "I ain't gonna hurt you."

[This message has been edited by tmoraca (edited July 20, 2008).]

Posted by Bent Tree (Member # 7777) on :

I'll give it a go send it over. I can likely finish it tonight. Seems to be a little wordy for a plash piece. Every word counts.