Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Filthy Blood - Fantasy, About 3800 Words, First 13

This is topic Filthy Blood - Fantasy, About 3800 Words, First 13 in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by AWSullivan (Member # 8059) on :

Here is the revised first 13 from my now complete short story. My original post can be found here.

http://www.hatrack.com/forums/writers/forum/Forum11/HTML/003134.html

I am looking for people to read the entire work and critique.

-- BEGIN SAMPLE --
Ailith Bar’un pulled her hood low around her head as she moved through the crowded market. The travelling caravan had attracted most of the inhabitants of the small town of Bregan’s Landing and its surrounding farms.

The bustling crowd made the market more dangerous for her than normal but it also made it easier for her to slip by unnoticed. She had to be careful; the mere sight of her elfish features would infuriate the locals. Ailith was only a half-elf but the people of this region didn’t see a distinction.

She caught sight of Angus, a young brute that she knew would expose her. Ailith stepped up to a merchant’s rickety booth and pretended to eye his wares while actually keeping an eye on the youth.

--- END SAMPLE ---

Thanks for your time!

Anthony

Posted by Merlion-Emrys (Member # 7912) on :

Send it on over to me if you want, but I have another crit before it and I'm working on a story of my own, so it will be a few days at least.

Posted by AWSullivan (Member # 8059) on :

quote:
Send it on over to me if you want, but I have another crit before it and I'm working on a story of my own, so it will be a few days at least.

Sent. Thanks Merlion.

Anyone else? Also, if you indicated you would like to read it in the other thread please do so again here. I don't want to assume that you are still interested.

Thanks!

Anthony

Posted by TaleSpinner (Member # 5638) on :

Okay, I'll read but I've another to read first and I'm quite busy so it might be a week or so before I get back to you.

Cheers,
Pat

Posted by AWSullivan (Member # 8059) on :

quote:
Okay, I'll read but I've another to read first and I'm quite busy so it might be a week or so before I get back to you.

Sent. Thanks!

Anthony

Posted by Nick T (Member # 8052) on :

Send it through. As with the others, it may be a few days before I can get to it.

Regards,

Nick

Posted by AWSullivan (Member # 8059) on :

quote:
Send it through. As with the others, it may be a few days before I can get to it.

Sent. Thanks Nick!

Anthony

Posted by Badger (Member # 3490) on :

I'll read. Not sure how detailed a critique you're after, but I'm happy to read and share my 'wisdom'.

Posted by Jesse D (Member # 3241) on :

You can send it over; you're taking the time to read mine, so I'd love to return the favor.

Posted by AWSullivan (Member # 8059) on :

quote:
You can send it over; you're taking the time to read mine, so I'd love to return the favor.

Sent. Thanks for reading, Jesse.

Anthony

[This message has been edited by AWSullivan (edited June 30, 2008).]