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The main problem with time travel isn’t, as one would think, the mind-boggling physics or relativity equations. The real problem is simply that of matter displacement. For if you decide to cruise back to 1904 to see the great earthquake in San Francisco there are already some nice molecules occupying the spot where you want to go. Even air molecules, which most people dismiss, are matter. That’s why the time portal was built in outer space; way less particles out there. It was built on the dark side of the moon for a completely different reason.
The first time travelers were not explorers, as most people think. They were engineers and the first thing they did was to build the return portal. Being clever they built it where no one would see it until 1968.
Thing is, you're telling us not about characters (which we could care about) or real-world ideas (rarer, but it *can* work), but details of a nonexistent device. Thing is, it's a *device*: it's something there so you can tell a story, not, I think, an end in itself. Probably the thing to do is to start with the main character and his struggle, whatever it is. As it is, I'm not hooked.
[This message has been edited by wbriggs (edited November 15, 2006).]
This writing is fine later in the opening not in the first 13. As Briggs pointed out and I am rephrasing; this is a mini info dump. The info is good, concise and needed but a little later on in the text. And what one might expect in a lecture. But as a reader why do I care to hear an imaginary lecture or a real one for that fact? Therefore make me care to want to hear this lecture. Is the speaker going to be assinated for his speech? Will he lose his job? Will this speech make his beautiful and charming co-writer finally accept him as a lover? So on and so forth.
Can you open up with the main character or villian, threat whatever or a solid and gripping stage setting for the delivery of the lecture?
I personally have to speak to large groups usually once a week (though not now as much as I used to). Just as in writing a lecturer (sp?) must hook his audience or they immediately tune him out. The drier the subject the more important the hook. I have actually heard lectures on the geneologies listed in Book of Genesis that were gripping! And I have heard lectures on Ghettysburg that were so dry they jerkied my eyes! Content alone does not make the topic gripping. The speaker really put thought into the presentation not just the needed info.
I guess what I am saying is that a infodump is like cooking: it needs a little sugar or a little spice to make it delicious.
I like the style though, I just think it needs to come after you've hooked us. I love the displacement of matter theory.
JB Skaggs
[This message has been edited by JBSkaggs (edited November 15, 2006).]
[This message has been edited by JBSkaggs (edited November 15, 2006).]
Great feedback, this really helps!
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berserc
I would definitely agree that the ideas should be worked into a story. The problem is not that your story is non-traditional. The problem is that it's not a story at all.
There is a reason lectures are used as a form of punishment for children. They're not fun.
http://despair.com/meetings.html
As in – Even air molecules, which most people dismiss, are matter. That’s why MC …(did something or said something)
But opening with a short, interesting bit of narrative -- that works okay for me.
What you mean is the "far side of the moon," the part of the moon that is permanently facing away from Earth. It goes through the same cycle of light and dark as the side facing Earth does (with occasional exceptions due to lunar eclipses), so it's not really accurate to call it the dark side.
On the other hand, there are some science/terminology issues. For instance, I felt the location of the portal is a little unclear. From your statements, I could construe it as being on the Lunar surface or at the Lunar L2 point. I would lean towards the Lunar L2 point, since that would seem to make a good deal more sense given what you're saying...but many readers would probably interpret it as being on the Lunar surface.
thumbs up
to Survivor]'Far side' is definately the better and more correct reference. No more Pink Floyd for me thanks, I'm full. [Thanks EricJamesStone]
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Berserc