Judging from what you wrote above the passage, I get the impression that you are laid back.
It sound very meticulous just to get to the point of understanding where the MC is and it's first person. This person needs a name, gender, something.
This is nicely written, but the style doesn't seem right for a fairy tale to me.
It's clear to me what the character is doing, but I don't know why it is important (and I suspect that the character does). What is behind the door? Why hasn't anyone sought it out in years?
Right now, it has some nice description, but it doesn't really draw me in and make me want to keep reading.
RedSakana: Thank you for welcoming me to hatrack. I’m glad to be back, I used to be part of the under-18s forum until that got shut down.
I know this does not sound like a fairy tale. My intention was a fairy tale plot but without the nauseating “One upon a time . . . “lingo.
Now for the bomb-shell.
For the duration of my short story I give my MC neither a name, an age nor a gender. What the . . . ?! I hear you cry. I left all this information out because I meant for everyone who read it to place themselves as this character. Being such a short story I felt that stopping to say “my name is so-and-so” and I am “such-and-such an age” would become cumbersome.
Having read your comments, I wonder if anyone would be interested in reading the whole of the story? Seeing as I can’t add more than my first 13 lines I am unable to explain that there IS a good reason for what my character is doing and why no one has looked for this door in so long (in fact it is the crux of the tale). I’m hoping that if you are curious about this, it means you want to read more.
More comments welcome,
Quiz
If you aren't in a hurry, that is.
Now, I believe I can send the whole short story to you via your e-mail. However, having never really done this before, how do I go about getting your e-mail? Computers are not my forte.
Quiz
[This message has been edited by Quizzical (edited April 11, 2006).]
quote:
For the duration of my short story I give my MC neither a name, an age nor a gender. What the . . . ?! I hear you cry. I left all this information out because I meant for everyone who read it to place themselves as this character.
This doesn't actually work. It's one of those ideas like jamming on the brakes to stop your car stop faster, intuitively appealing to most people, but incorrect and often fatal in practice. First off, first person is the one voice that readers can never accept as being about themselves. I can (and have) heard quite a few stories about myself told in the third person (and even 3PLO). How often do you hear stories about yourself told in the first person? Oh, and how annoying is it when somebody actually does that?
There are reasons to use first person. This isn't one of them.
Survivor: Okay then, no first person narrative. I can see your point about this aspect and will puzzle over it some more. If I were simply (ha ha) to change the story to 3POV, this would mean that I'd have to at least give a gender and most probably a name as well. . . Not exactly what I intended but if everyone is in agreement that 1POV is "annoying",I'll do my best to change it.
Sholar: Thank you kindly.
[This message has been edited by Quizzical (edited April 12, 2006).]
[This message has been edited by Quizzical (edited April 12, 2006).]
Other issue: MC knows why he's doing these things. I don't, so I can't care whether he succeeds (whatever it is he might be trying to succeed at). Just tell us.
Thanks for all your critiques. It might be some time before I get the second draft out to you with all the suggestions taken into account. Partly because it will take a bit of time to change the story to a third person narrative. Also I’ve been procrastinating and need to get my butt into gear if I’m to finish my history essay. To what extent was FDR’s New Deal a positive impact on workers’ rights, 1865 – 1985? Not looking forward this at all.
Gracias,
Quiz
And I agree that your instructor is a sadist asking a trick question that only a truly perverted mind could invent.