Fantasy/Romance Special Valentines day story - currently posted at Notebored but my anonominity got cracked there so I'm looking for more readers here. Looking for readers for the whole thing. Read it at notebored.com if you are a member there or email me if you want to go through it for me.
The Feast of Arrows - 821 words.
Charles glanced around at the stalls of the marketplace and sighed. Every single stall thronged with men sifting through endless piles of bright red heart shaped nonsense. "It's all a scam." he muttered to his shopping companion, Shelly, his wife's sister. "What's a scam?" "The Feast of Arrows." Charles replied, "Merchants, lacking fresh produce in the winter, needed something to sell, so they created this farce of a holiday." "I would be sure that the love goddess was not listening. She takes her holidays fairly seriously." "As seriously as she takes anything." Charles laughed. Shelly just smiled at him.
Posted by Dude (Member # 1957) on :
It's short and sounds interesting. I'll take a look. wolf_dude64@yahoo.com
Posted by trousercuit (Member # 3235) on :
I'd keep reading.
quote:"endless piles of bright red heart shaped nonsense"
Excellent phrase. Don't forget the hyphen in "heart-shaped."
quote:"It's all a scam." he muttered to his shopping companion, Shelly, his wife's sister.
"Scam" - comma. (Actually, clean this kind of thing up throughout.) It's also a bit awkward. "Shopping companion" is probably redundant.
Posted by Ray (Member # 2415) on :
I'll read.
Posted by pantros (Member # 3237) on :
Thank you.
Posted by x__sockeh__x (Member # 3069) on :
I'll read. Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
Sounds fun but I have to pass.
Posted by pantros (Member # 3237) on :
Its okay Survivor; this one isn't your style. Its all mushy and romantic and maybe cute.
However, I am done sending it out for crits and thanks to all who did offer advice. Now I just need to sit on it for a while and send it in for next years valentines day issues. I should probably start the submissions for that around July.
