Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Irony (working title)

This is topic Irony (working title) in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Storygiver (Member # 2676) on :

This is a quick story, about 2,000 words I started and finished tonight.

I thought that I was ready, that I would not hesitate at all. For the past hour since I had been given the news…and handed that wretched piece of paper, I stroked the stainless steel of the barrel, like a mother would her child’s hair.

The thought had been going through my mind, over and over again: what did I have to lose? God was nothing to me. I had no family, no lover, no relatives, and now the thing I had given all these pleasures up for was also lost to me: money.

Maybe I was merely a coward in not just getting it over quickly. I could hear my dead father now, whose shadow had always haunted me, “Richie, Richie, Richie…you don’t even have the balls to pull the trigger”.

I clinched my teeth. How dare they! After all I had invested

[This message has been edited by Storygiver (edited February 07, 2006).]

Note from Kathleen: 13 lines of manuscript text (12-point courier font with 1-inch margins on 8.5x11-inch paper) please

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited February 08, 2006).]

Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :

You lost me in the first paragraph, when MC is stroking the barrel of a gun, planning something, and won't tell me what.

I find out later, but I don't like putting up a mental marker and remaining confused for a while, then going back to fit it together. Just tell me.

Posted by Marva (Member # 3171) on :

I don't have any problem with being handed a mystery in the first line or two as long as the hook is followed up soon thereafter.

I thought this read quite well and don't have any comments other than go for it.