This is a flash that I finished polishing recently. I'm not sure I entirely got rid of the problems, and am looking for readers to tell me what they think. The genre is fantasy, approx 2000 words.
Thanks in advance!
# The city appeared over the horizon, coalescing out of sunlight. Iarun, surprised, faltered in mid-step, and almost finished his descent of the dune on his knees. The wanderlust that had driven him out of his native town redoubled in intensity, driving spikes of need into his bones.
There. There he would find the gods, and beg their forgiveness. There his wanderlust, curse of his people, would at last be ended.
The city was not a mirage; its shimmering walls of adobe would not vanish as so many other things had done, and the green trees remained, dancing in the wind, promising water, promising shade. #
Posted by Crotalus@work (Member # 2959) on :
Silver, I'll read.
Posted by Dude (Member # 1957) on :
I'll read it. wolf_dude64@yahoo.com
Posted by Silver3 (Member # 2174) on :
Thanks ! Sent to both of you.
Posted by rickfisher (Member # 1214) on :
Me too.
Posted by Aspirations (Member # 3213) on :
Hi Silver. Just found this forum. Looks great!
We have similar writing styles. I'd be glad to give it a read and offer some feedback (as long as you're not in a big hurry).
Posted by LMermaid (Member # 2778) on :
I'd love to read this.
Posted by pixydust (Member # 2311) on :
You can send it my way if you need more imput. Or I'm happy to wait until the next go around. I owe you a few hundred of these, I think. Posted by KillerDonut (Member # 3209) on :
I wouldn't mind reading it myself.
It's a good sign when no one can find anything that should be changed in the first 13 lines. Nicely done!
