Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Pioneer: The story of Earth after Humans(Sci Fi; crit. wanted, still in early plan)

This is topic Pioneer: The story of Earth after Humans(Sci Fi; crit. wanted, still in early plan) in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by zetars (Member # 2956) on :

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[This message has been edited by zetars (edited December 03, 2005).]

[This message has been edited by zetars (edited December 04, 2005).]

Posted by rustafarianblackpolarbear (Member # 2638) on :

This is not the kind of thing you put at the start of a book. Maybe as the blurb on the back if you're lucky. This first 13 needs action and or suspense, it needs characters and it needs a setting.

Posted by Leigh (Member # 2901) on :

rustafarianblackpolarbear is correct in stating that it would be better as a blurb.

Theres no MC POV, no... nothing. Just bland and informative.

Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :

I think it might be OK to do this -- but it's not gripping enough for me. (It's unconventional, and probably with the good reason that we'd rather get involved with a character.)

But if you do this summary at some point, there's still a problem. You have 2 statements:
* A human probe is discovered 4.5 billion years after humanity is gone
* Earth is inhabited, but by another alien race, which knows about us.

Each is significant, and deserves exploration (probably with characters). But we find out almost nothing about the first situation before jumping to the next.

As others suggest: I'd say give us a character, put us in its life, and we can pick up these facts as we go.

Over 4.5 billion years after the human years faded from existence, one of its [whose?] probes crash landed on an INHABITED planet AND WAS EXAMINED BY ALIENS.

another intelligent species resided upon the earth, cultivating its natural resources, and communicating with its semi-intelligent native life. Signs had shown that a once very intelligent species occupied it, but either died out, or left…

Posted by sojoyful (Member # 2997) on :

I agree that this is not the beginning of a story. This is the idea for the story itself. I have 20 or 30 snippets like this in my 'ideas for stories' file.

There's nothing wrong with it as a story idea, but F&F is not for ideas, it's for written stories. Develop this idea, then post when you've actually written it.