I posted the first 13 of this a little while back, but now I've finished the whole thing.
If anybody has the time to read this, I'd be most grateful. I'd really like to know if the story is interesting & if there's anything I can cut.
It's currently standing at 10,000 words.
Here's the first 13:
Jalrek crouched to examine the ground more closely, searching for any sign that the seed had taken root. He couldn’t spot a single green shoot in the expanse of fine, brown soil. He stooped lower, and ran his fingers through the soil of one of the furrows, feeling for the slightest resistance that would indicate growth beneath the surface. Nothing. The little hope that he had held onto for this year’s cultivation evaporated. If the seed were going to take hold, he knew that it would have done so by now. His recent concerns had now been confirmed; the only way that his family could continue to live on the farm for another year would be to use the last of mother’s fingers.
Posted by LMermaid (Member # 2778) on :
I was intrigued by the opening last time you posted it, so I'll be happy to read the whole thing (it'll just take me about a week to get back to you).
Posted by benskia (Member # 2422) on :
Hi, and thanks.
I've sent it over as a word attachment in e-mail.
Thankyou. xx
Posted by squimi (Member # 2810) on :
I'm interested. The opening is nice and clear, and the bit about the fingers is very intriguing! So send to me, too, if you like. squimi
Posted by Heresy (Member # 1629) on :
Send it my way, if you'd like another crit. archangelcmg@mac.com
Heresy
Posted by benskia (Member # 2422) on :
Thanks you guys. I'll get it sent over.
Posted by Canawler (Member # 2917) on :
I'll read the story. It certainly caught my attention with the last line. You can e-mail me at jimrada@yaho.com.
Posted by Gnomeinclaychair (Member # 2926) on :
And if you'd like another one, I'll give it a look as well.
itsvance@yahoo.com
Posted by benskia (Member # 2422) on :
Hey. I'd just like to say a big thanks to you guys who sent me a crit via e-mail.
Cheers for all your advice. I'll be working on tidying this up & got some great pointers from your comments.