Hatrack River Writers Workshop: An old friend

This is topic An old friend in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Jon Roberts (Member # 2804) on :

The story is an old friend, not the title of the story. At least the idea of the story is an old friend. Rambling. I need to go to sleep. Basically, I'm just posting this because I'm wondering if this is an intriguing opening. The idea was inspired by the "high school characters" thread. Starts here:

When I started writing, another investigation into the middle-class suburban white male is the last thing I wanted to do. But then again, what else do I know? I am a middle-class suburban white male. To make it even more cliché, I'm in high school. Or rather, I was.

This is not new territory. I'm sure there are any of a million amateur writers who have written about the struggles of growing up in the suburbs. They talk about how everyone always pretends life is perfect, even when it's not. Then they explain the struggle to find yourself in a world full of cookie cutter people and stereotyped expectations. It's nothing new. So I suppose I'll just be telling you what you've already heard, right? So why on earth are you still reading my damn story? Is it because you're intrigued? Yes?

Here, let me tell you why you're still reading...

[This message has been edited by Jon Roberts (edited August 18, 2005).]

Posted by TL 601 (Member # 2730) on :

Ouch.

Posted by TL 601 (Member # 2730) on :

There is no way I would read a story that began by giving me all the reasons I shouldn't read it.

Just would not happen -- at least not unless it was presented in some kind of extremely clever and tongue-in-cheek way.

Give me a character and give me a conflict, don't tell me the story you're about to tell me is one I've already heard a million times, and then tell me that I'm intrigued anyway, it's vaguely insulting to the reader.

Just my honest response.

There is nothing wrong with the writing itself.

Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :

The counterexample to TL's argument just serves to confirm it: A Series of Unfortunate Events. The blurb warns you not to read the story, because it's too awful and distressing. But those are hooks!

I think you could get by with saying "this is an incredibly cliched story" if you're being funny, also.

But as it is, I suggest: however you do it, start with reasons to read it. If being a middle-class white male teen is an issue (rather than simply a fact), you might have him start his story, and then (once we have a reason to read) get resentful at the thought that someone won't like it or him because of who he is -- so you want me to apologize for being in high school, huh? That sort of thing.

Posted by Varishta (Member # 2789) on :

When I started writing, another investigation into the middle-class suburban white male is the last thing I wanted to do.

When he started writing what? Sociology papers? Police reports? Nutritional information on the back of Cheerios boxes?

To make it even more cliché, I'm in high school. Or rather, I was.

So is he a drop-out? A failed teacher? Ah. An "amatuer writer". What does that mean, exactly -- that he's unpublished, or just not
doing it for a living?

Make these things a little more concrete, and I don't mind the "I dare ya" hook.

Best,

Varishta