What she was trying was no dark witchery, but it was far from the herbcraft Gaetha limited herself to—and, when she could, her student.
A candle Kythani had made by nights—the only passable one of a lumpy batch—flared to life when she touched wick to embers. Heat fluttered against her hand; she pulled the candle back, waited for the wax to soften and then let the prescribed three drops fall to the hearth flags. There— She anchored the candle’s base in the wax and pulled The Arcana closer.
Summer beetles, still young with spring, cricked outside. Gaetha’s herbcraft warded the large cottage seamlessly. No insects, and more importantly none of the Ynes Naht forest’s less harmless denizens, could cross the threshold or creep between cracks in the wall.
I am ambivelent about your title. Obviously the story will entail witchcraft with a title like that, but I think the title is WAY too overdone. Book of Shadows is the title of an autobiography I read a while ago, and it's on every pagan website on the internet. It doesn't stand out as unique and wouldn't grab my interest if I saw it on the spine of a book on a bookseller's shelf.
Now, if you played with the name -- and bear with me because I have no idea what your story will end up being like -- something like: The Lost Book of Shadows, or the Crooked Book of Shadows, or the Cursed Book of Shadows... that gives you an idea of what I mean.
My last comment would be about the beetles who "cricked" outside. I like the writing, I'm just thinking you should lose the italics on that word. It weakens the nice use of italics for the characters thoughts.
Good start!
[This message has been edited by Elan (edited August 05, 2005).]
But I think it's a pretty good beginning.
Unfortunately, you're beginning your story in a very cliche place. Perhaps you don't have a choice, maybe it's a short short (though with this opening I'd immediately judge it to be too cliche, fairly or not). If I'm to take any interest in another story about an apprentice witch/wizard/whatever meddling with the dark arts you need to get me interested in the character first. At least I should understand why she's doing this. Only then do I have room in my heart to care (okay, I have a small heart, so shoot me--you probably won't hit anything vital ).
Also, it is helpful if you follow the advice to mention length, genre (though it's pretty clear in this piece), and your intentions in posting.
Genre is horror/fantasy, projected length 100,000 words or thereabouts. Sorry, posted without knowing conventions.
Thank you all very much for the critiques!
Oh, and you forgot to mention your intentions. I hope that they're...honorable?