This is something that I jotted down. It's not the beginning, it's somewhat the middle of what will be a short story about living your life to the fullest. Enjoy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Heath glanced around the hospital room, there were flowers and cards, and flowers with cards. He greatly disliked having his family around lately, he felt so weak and vulnerable, and he had always been the biggest and toughest. He could still remember the day the doctor had told him the bad news, that he would only have a few days to live due to a fatal heart condition. And what had he done those past few days? Nothing, he had sat and told himself that it was all a lie, with the ignorance of a child. He closed his eyes slowly and drifted off to what he believed was sleep, the humming of his heart monitor silently whispering into his ear. As Heath drifted into the darkness the humming of the monitor turned into a sharp beeping that filled the room, and as the doors swung open…Heath passed away.
Heath awoke as the sun was beginning to peak over the mountains. He sat up quickly and looked at his hands and felt his face as the sunlight filled the room. He couldn’t believe it…he was alive. As he turned toward the window he saw a bright object floating mid-air. It spoke to him.
“One day, do what you like, but you only have one more day…to live, so enjoy it,” Said the bright object.
He rubbed his eyes but when he looked again it was gone. Was it an angel? Whatever it was, he had one more day left…to live like he was dying, and that’s exactly what he was going to do.
[This message has been edited by Gunslinger (edited June 12, 2005).]
Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :
I'm intrigued by the idea and would probably keep reading.
I'd skip paragraph 1. The 1 day is the interesting bit, so you could just start there and say that Heath just died.
I suggest doing some further imagination and making that floating object a specific type of thing or person -- make it interesting.
Finally, think what tone you might want. Yours seems earnest and somber, which is fine. Funny might be even better. Stately? Tense is always popular if you can justify it!
Sure would be interesting if he spent the day figuring out how to avoid death! OTOH, if he's a heart patient in a hospital bed, maybe he's been there a while and can't have much adventure? Rambling now.