Just got this back from an editor with a comment about the end I'm not sure of, so I'm looking for readers. It's 500 words, humor, not speculative.
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"I'll take the car to the shop on my way in," I told Sheila.
"Steeny's shop is going to start charging us storage costs," she said. "If you can't start it, I swear, I'm getting a new one this week."
"It'll start," I said.
And it did, after I let it roll down our driveway and jammed it into first gear just short of the garage door. There's a light that comes on (CHECK ENGINE) and stays on for hours after I do that.
I never know who's going to be working the shop at Steeny's. I only know that there will be a lot of hair -- pony tails, mountain-man beards, dreads -- involved. Unless it's a woman. Adrian had corn rows, and Michelle had a buzz cut. Don't let anyone tell you small towns are boring.
This mechanic was different. ...
Posted by HSO (Member # 2056) on :
I'll read it and will reserve my comments for the crit. Send it on.
Posted by Beth (Member # 2192) on :
I'll read.
Posted by NewsBys (Member # 1950) on :
I would like to read it too, sounds interesting.
Posted by onepktjoe (Member # 2352) on :
Hi wbriggs,
Looks like a good start. Even the title hooked me.
My first impression, though, was that the tansition into the last sentence was too abrupt. That may work fine with how you proceed, so I too would reserve judgement.
Send it over if you like.
Joe
Posted by Ash (Member # 4615) on :
I like it. Quirky sense of humor. The thing I note is that it is first person, which I personally don't mind, but I have been warned often enough against it that I have begun to just trust the majority. I would like to read the rest, if you don't mind, sir.
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
I'll try it. At 500 words, I'm guessing that you don't want a lot of advice to "go into more detail" and stuff like that. I do think that you could use a one line set-up at the start, though.
Posted by BruceWayne1 (Member # 4604) on :
love the title and want to read it just based on that. sounds good so far.