I do remember a woman named Molly. We had a spat over a map. I wanted to go looking for Bigfoot, but she wanted to stay put. Yep. Didn’t listen. But then, that’s why they call me Dense Dan. That and I can’t remember my last name. One thing’s for sure, I’m not the man I used to be.
I got here sometime after the Big One. Of course, where here is, I don’t rightly recall. It’s hard to say how long I hiked the beach. From the cave, it looks like the cliffs go on and on. Maybe they do. Sometimes I dream I’m scouring a forest. I come to the edge of a cliff. A trail steeps down to the sand. I take it. And maybe that’s just what happened.
Posted by Rahl22 (Member # 1411) on :
Not really sure what you're looking for here, but as a story starter, my complaints lie mostly in the "huh?" spectrum.
Posted by JennyMac (Member # 2328) on :
This is certainly more intriguing than most. I don't think the "huh" factor is that huge because I want to read more just to find out what is happening.
Posted by ChrisOwens (Member # 1955) on :
What is the huh factor?
Posted by hoptoad (Member # 2145) on :
In Characters and Viewpoint OSC refers to three questions a reader asks when they begin a story, they are Huh? So what? and I can't remember the third. Basically the 'Huh' factor is: If a reader feels that they don't know whats going on either "they are stupid, or the writer is" and put the story down.
In this case its "Huh, what is the big one'. And maybe "Huh, why he doesn't remember anyone but Molly, but 'THEY' call him Dense Dan. Who are they?"
What do you want with this? Do you want readers for a longer piece or just comments on these lines?
[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited January 24, 2005).]
Posted by Netstorm2k (Member # 2279) on :
I concur. It's intriguing, but too much is handed out too quickly. I'm still puzzling over Molly and then the Big One comes along. Combined with the title, there's a lot of questions in a short space.
Posted by ChrisOwens (Member # 1955) on :
<What do you want with this? Do you want readers for a longer piece or just comments on these lines?>
It's an attempted revision of an ealier short story. I'm hoping to get this done in a week or less, and get some volunteers. Meanwhile, I wanted to see how the opening stood. Evidently, not so good...
I guess one of my problem is that I've based nearly everything I've written on Chapter 4 of 'How to Write SF&F', about exposition. In particular the principle of abeyance. Perhaps I've taken it too extremes.
I might need to get Characters and Viewpoint. I guess I was kind of miffed when I bought the one book, then learned he wrote another.
Posted by hoptoad (Member # 2145) on :
Chris, I smiled when I read the 'miffed' thing. I know what you mean. Maybe try a local library for Characters and Viewpoint
I found the big idea with How to Write SF&F was with internal consistency and logic. Like OSC says, you can do anything you want in the story so long as you're willing to pay the price; right? Most writing is about what not to tell and when not to tell it. Just weigh up the cost and if the story can afford it then pay the price.
As for the above piece, I was left a little in the 'Huh?' mode. But it could be fixed without giving too much away.
BTW I struggle with this exact problem.
Edit to include:
I will read it when you're ready.
[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited January 24, 2005).]
Posted by Rahl22 (Member # 1411) on :
I have to say I absolutely disagree with hoptoad that a story is about what not to tell and when not to tell it. On the contrary, good writing is laying everything out cleanly and clearly. Good storytelling will weave all the elements together in such a way that nothing is divulged until it needs to be while not betraying the reader or the flow of the story.