I decided to try this in first person, I seem to do a bit better in first than in third. --------------------------------------------------- My little sister finished Old Macdonald at 33rd and Riverfront. When the quiet promised to endure, I cracked open my new book. But then Lucy gulped a helping of air, and began to shout the alphabet.
“Mom,” I said. “Make her stop.”
Mom acted oblivious, both to the noise and to my request. At least she wasn’t too unaware to keep the car on the road. She stayed on Riverfront.
I hated Riverfront. Not just the street, but the town, if you could call it a town. A bunch of shops lined next to a dirty river. I blamed Lucy, of course. Dad wanted to raise his precious daughter away from the city. Some days, I wished she had never been born.
[This message has been edited by ChrisOwens (edited January 10, 2005).]
Posted by HuntGod (Member # 2259) on :
How old is the character?
If he is as young as it seems 9-12, you need to be careful with his language and word usage.
Specifically how he relates the information. The line about his dad wanting to raise his precious little girl, could be jazzed up a bit, maybe have him recalling the goofy way his dad says "precious little girl" or some such.
Posted by ChrisOwens (Member # 1955) on :
I picture him about 15. Really into science. The kind of character that will be needed to speculate about the weird stuff that's happened.
Yeah, I worry about my first person voices sounding the same.