Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Old Man Quimby

This is topic Old Man Quimby in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by ChrisOwens (Member # 1955) on :

This came to me last night as I walked away from a bookstore. Not fantasy, or sci-fi... This one is way out of the norm, probably children's fiction (yuck!). Plus, it's third person omniscient, perhaps a result of my wife forcing me to read those Lemony Snicket books.

I just started this, though I have an outline in my mind of what happens next, I have no idea where it's going to go, or if I'm going to stick with this one.
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Old Man Quimby wore a Russian hat everywhere he went. Not that he got out much. And when he did go out, he would dash down the sidewalk, never looking anyone in the eye. If you'd greet him, he might give a quick nod, and rush right past you. He'd get flustered if pressed for anything beyond a hello. And that's why he wore a hat.

You see, barbers made him nervous. No, it wasn't the sharp razors they wielded. It was their tongue. They'd pepper him with questions, trying to get him to talk. One day, after a barber asked one question too many, Quimby took to cutting his own hair. Of course, the results were disastrous.

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

Not Full Omniscient. This is old fashioned narrative voice. And it isn't terrible, at that, not for YA or children's fiction. You've got a mismatch between "their" and "tongue", but aside from that this looks fine to me.

Remember that the narrator's voice is what keeps a reader interested in a narrative voice story, and you'll probably be okay.

Posted by HuntGod (Member # 2259) on :

I like it. I have just now been subjected to the Leminy Snicket books and though amusing I haven't enjoyed them as much as the Potter novels.

The tone and voice of the piece were very nice and even though you didn't describe the old man much, the combination of the old russian hat, his mannerisms and the reason for the hat, immediately gave me a distinct impression of how he would look. So I found it very effective.

Also given the blockbuster nature of Leminy Snicket and Harry Potter I wouldn't dismiss the childrens book market. They need more literate childrens books that challenge the reader a little.

Posted by ChrisOwens (Member # 1955) on :

I'm on the third book, my wife wants me to read it before I see the movie. I like it better now than I did. I started the third yesterday, it had me chuckling every page or two. It's just far from the usual thing I read, and credibility is thrown out the window entirely.

I've just started the Elvenbane trilogy. A mature fantasy book more to my liking. When I need a break from Snicket, I have that to turn to.