This has been a rather prolific week, I'm afraid. I've just completed another fantasy short story, about 11,000 words. I'm looking for readers for the whole thing, but any comments are welcome.
***
One year after the theft of the Flame, Daresh was summoned by the naga Elders. He came on foot, alone, from the forest where he had made his home, and took the underwater paths to the lake palace.
He wondered why they would send for him now, more than ten years after he had abandoned the lake and his own kin. He had to admit that he was curious to know the reason for the summons. More than he ought to have been.
He did not have long to wait to find out. As soon as he had entered the council room one of the Elders spoke.
"I am glad you came, brother," he said, and it seemed to Daresh that all twelve nagas in the room shared its voice, like a persistent echo. "You have been summoned because you alone among us are mortal."
[This message has been edited by Silver3 (edited September 17, 2004).]
Posted by NewsBys (Member # 1950) on :
I'll volunteer to read it. Sounds good so far. I'm hooked.
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
Yeah, it works. One thing that may stall a few people is the "underwater paths", I could think of at least entirely different things this might mean, with very different implications for your story setting.
But I'd like to read it.
Posted by Jeraliey (Member # 2147) on :
I don't have too much experience with fantasy, but I'd love to see it!
Posted by DeepDreamer (Member # 5337) on :
I don't have any issue with the underwater paths, although I hope that these paths are described some time later in the story.
However, in the third paragraph, the word "Elders" should be lowercased. Using it in the phrase "one of the elders" makes it a common noun.
But what you have here is very intriguing. I'd love to read the rest.