Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Can I get away with *this*?

This is topic Can I get away with *this*? in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Phanto (Member # 1619) on :

Now that I've taken the time to flesh out the world that Sister of Deceit takes place in, I'm running into issues where the character would think of something that the reader wouldn't know.

Yes, if it is something major then I would have to come up with an explanation for it somehow.

But what if it was something as minor as an explanation for a character's view?

For instance:

quote:

After all, as the thinker Fiant explained in his work on diseases, all coughing plagues could only spread from person to person after several days of contact.

If you read that, would that shock you, dragging you out of the book? Or is it a minor enough point that I could keep on going without hitch?

Posted by EricJamesStone (Member # 1681) on :

Well, I wouldn't have any problem with your character remembering something relevant that she'd read somewhere, as long as you're not constantly doing it to provide just the right information in the nick of time.

Posted by punahougirl84 (Member # 1731) on :

quote:
After all, as the thinker Fiant explained in his work on diseases, all coughing plagues could only spread from person to person after several days of contact.

If this is part of a string of thought, I think you could delete the 'after all' part. It feels a little contrived - maybe 'She recalled Fiant's explanation that all coughing...' Or if you really need to tell us about Fiant: 'She knew, having reviewed Fiant's work on diseases, that all coughing...'

Even better, if you can just slip in to her thoughts that she knows how coughing plagues spread, or that she knows or realizes something is or is not possible or an issue because coughing plagues only spread by... Hopefully what I am trying to explain makes sense! The more natural it is to the thought string, the less it will be like telling and more like showing your character's thought process.

Sounds scary... I've never read The Stand, but my husband says he was reading it one night, I coughed in my sleep, and he jumped out of bed and practically had a heart attack!

[This message has been edited by punahougirl84 (edited March 28, 2004).]

Posted by AeroB1033 (Member # 1956) on :

Depending on the context, you'd probably even be better off cutting it down to "All coughing plagues could only spread from person to person after several days of contact." This gets the information across without yanking the reader out of the story, and a certain amount of this type of explanation (as long as it doesn't get lengthy or obtrusive) is acceptable.

On Eric's suggestion that information shouldn't always be provided 'in the nick of time', I would like to point out that using exactly this method is often the best way to do things. True, sometimes you want to establish a fact ahead of time so that it doesn't seem too convenient when it does pop up (and has important effects), but most of the time exposition is best left to where it matters to the story and the reader cares to know about it. If that makes sense.

[This message has been edited by AeroB1033 (edited March 28, 2004).]

Posted by EricJamesStone (Member # 1681) on :

quote:
On Eric's suggestion that information shouldn't always be provided 'in the nick of time', I would like to point out that using exactly this method is often the best way to do things.

First, please don't misrepresent what I say. If you go back and read my post, you'll see that I was suggesting that the device of having a character remember something she'd read should not be overused.

Second, even if I had said "that information shouldn't always be provided 'in the nick of time,'" I would have been right: It shouldn't always be done that way.

Still, I agree with the point you were making: "most of the time exposition is best left to where it matters to the story and the reader cares to know about it."

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

If (as I take it) you are in the POV of a character that is considering the likelyhood that she will trasmit her coughing plague to another character, any thought that directly impacts on the situation can occur without any additional introduction.

Situation, Char. A is lying in bed, coughing weakly. POV is trying to summon the courage to approach.

"POV stilled her fears firmly. After all, as the thinker Fiant explained in his work on diseases, all coughing plagues could only spread from person to person after several days of contact. There was really no danger in going to Char. A's side."

I would say that the phrase itself needs tweaking, for instance, "all coughing plagues" could drop the "all" which would remain inplied in the generality of the referance to coughing plagues. If you need the explicit denial that any coughing plague can spread without several days of contact, then phrase it that way. "After all, as the thinker Fiant explained in his work on diseases, no coughing plague could spread from person to person without several days of contact."

Eric is right that a character shouldn't constantly respond to every situation by suddenly remembering another bit of useful trivia...it destroys the integrity of the character if she doesn't have a typical way of dealing with most situations, useful trivia only accounting for a small percentage of her base of knowledge/experience/action. AeroB is also right that just this type of exposition is often best. And of course, I'm right...just because I am

The only one who is wrong here is...Punahougirl! Yes, the evil she-devil who deliberately times her "innocent" little coughs for maximum heartstopping lethality! Oh black widow of nocturnal terrors, how many men have you lured to their untimely but apparently natural deaths?

Posted by punahougirl84 (Member # 1731) on :

Um, two? Ok, not really, but there are two, maybe three, guys who deserved a really bad cold - death is would be too easy compared to a little inflicted insanity.

And my husband's insurance isn't NEARLY enough - plus I actually like him. Of course, it would be his fault - he thought I was going to be a rich lawyer (instead of teacher and writer wanna-be) and he would be a kept man bumming the beaches of Oahu. So he picked me - heehee. And it's not my fault if he reads King late into the evening...

I am innocent - 'Little Miss Innocent' - just ask my three younger sisters

I too like stripping the first part so your pov starts the thought with 'Coughing...' - and you can get away with it.