NOTE: I do not need comments on this fragment or this story. I'm just briefly reviving this thread because the story got published.
quote:When I was fired after ten years as a science reporter for the New York Times, the editor told me I'd never get a job with a decent paper again. He was right, at first: no one wanted to hire a reporter who had taken bribes to write a series of articles about a non-existent technology in order to inflate the value of a company being used in a stock swindle, even if I had managed to get off without serving time.
Yes, I took the money. Yes, it was a stupid thing to do, and if I had it all to do over again, I wouldn't have. I had my reasons at the time; what they were don't matter. All that matters is that no newspaper or TV channel in the country would touch me after that. I tried freelancing for a couple of webzines, but it didn't pay the bills.
If you want to critique just these first 13 lines, go ahead. I'm also looking for people to critique the whole thing (about 7800 words.)
[This message has been edited by EricJamesStone (edited February 21, 2007).]
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
I'll read it. Send it over.
Posted by Pyre Dynasty (Member # 1947) on :
Nice, it evokes some corporate espionage that shows what sort of trouble he's in. I also feel like giving him advice. The senctences run-on a little, I have trouble with that myself. That can probably be fixed by turning some of those commas into periods.
"no one wanted to hire a reporter who had taken bribes to write a series of articles about a non-existent technology in order to inflate the value of a company being used in a stock swindle, even if I had managed to get off without serving time."
This seems like a lot of info for a single sentence. Perhaps you could simplify just to the bribes and talk about why the bribes took place later.
Posted by AeroB1033 (Member # 1956) on :
quote:I had my reasons at the time; what they were don't matter.
I'm not sure whether you intentionally used "don't" instead of "doesn't", but even if so, I would think that a scientist and journalist would use correct grammar.
I also agree that that one sentence Pyre mentioned seems a little long and cram-packed with information, making it a bit difficult to digest. But it's not a big problem.
Other than that, no complaints. Drew me in, sounds like the start to an interesting story. Smacks a little bit of Crichton at the moment
[This message has been edited by AeroB1033 (edited March 27, 2004).]
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
I'll have a look.
Posted by punahougirl84 (Member # 1731) on :
Send it my way - I'm still struggling to edit Onion Man! After the recent tales of false stories filed by reporters, I'm intrigued by your twist
punahougirl84ATyahooDOTcom
Lee
Posted by Lord Darkstorm (Member # 1610) on :
I'll give it a go. Posted by yanos (Member # 1831) on :
Me too. Intrigued by your intrigue.
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
Hah! Of course I'd be willing to critique it.
Posted by GZ (Member # 1374) on :
I've got some time to take a look.
Posted by EricJamesStone (Member # 1681) on :
OK, I think I have enough volunteers for full feedback now. I've sent the story to everyone above; if you didn't receive it, let me know.
Posted by Fahrion Kryptov (Member # 1544) on :
Sweet- I'd love to critique it.
Posted by EricJamesStone (Member # 1681) on :
I want to thank everyone for the feedback on this story. After some revision, a retitling, and a long wait, this story was just published as the cover story of IGMS issue 4.
