In a story I'm writing, one of the characters is going to be the first human to step onto a world outside our solar system, and she's trying to come up with what to say. She calls the main character, a newspaper reporter, to ask for his opinion. He tells her what she has is bad and suggests another general approach, though not any specific words. That's what leads into the following:
quote:It took her six more tries before I thought she had it about right. And when she said those famous words after stepping onto the soil of Aurora, I felt a twinge of pride. Every word I've ever written will be long forgotten, and still those words will be remembered. They were not my words, but I helped to shape them.
I took my little shares of immortality wherever I could.
So, my question is, can I get away without giving what "those famous words" are, or do I have to come up with something that could plausibly be a memorable quote if said by the first human to step onto a planet outside our solar system?
My fear is that whatever I do come up with will pale in comparison to what the reader imagines such a quote must be like (even if the reader does not imagine specific words.)
Note: I do not need feedback on any other aspect of this excerpt, just on the question I have asked.
Posted by Phanto (Member # 1619) on :
If it was so trumped up, then I would certainly expect something.
Yes, give me a quote.
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
Good question....and a tough one. I guess as I read this the first time I was waiting for him to actually say the words, but I can see why you did not put them in and I'm thinking I might forgive you. The trouble is, even if you come up with some terrific words (and it doesn't have to be just 4....actually that seems like too few, maybe) some people will not think they are terrific, and others will.
"One small step for man..." Did go down in history, but maybe because it actually happened and was actually said. But if you were going to put words in, they would have to be on the level of those words, because that is what everyone's mind will immediately leap to as a reference point.
OK, I guess my suggestion is to give it a try...see if you can come up with some terrific words. Make it your challenge for the week. If your tries stink...then consider going back to this.
[This message has been edited by Christine (edited March 08, 2004).]
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
Yeah, it got remembered that way because that's what he actually said. He was supposed to say, "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for man."
I'd always thought the actual quote was kinda nonesensical, when I found out that he simply flubbed the line I had to laugh, because it was, honestly speaking, a pretty senseless phrase the way he actually said it.
The best part is that you can actually hear Armstrong thinking "Ah $#@$!" in that longish pause after he says man
Back on the subject, yeah, you should probably include the quote. Just get a few people to work on it and hone out an version you like. It would be completely out of character for this guy not to deliver the quote...unless really mean that past tense in, "I took my little shares of immortality wherever I could." In that case, the real story should be why he doesn't like immortality anymore.
Posted by ccwbass (Member # 1850) on :
You can absolutely get away with it. People will accept whatever reality you present - they want to, anyway. That's why they read.
Thus, if you say that "This Sentence" is a memorable sentence, the readers won't argue - they'll support your claim all the way.
Go for it.
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
I like my imagination to fill in the blanks rather than read something that doesn't measure up. You can get away with it.
Posted by grendelkahn (Member # 1937) on :
I think that you should write something for the quote. I think ccw is right that if you tell people something is important they will believe you. As long as it isn't too unbelievable. It's usually the situation that makes the quote famous and not what the person says.
Posted by JBShearer (Member # 9434) on :
Naw, it's fine, but the "words" better be freakin' good.
Posted by EricJamesStone (Member # 1681) on :
Thanks for the feedback everyone. I think I'll try my hand at coming up with the actual words.
OK, JBShearer, I've read up on appositives, and I still can't figure out what your comment means.
Posted by rstone72 (Member # 1929) on :
This may go beyond what you were asking for - but I'm thinking you should try to come up with a quote that has a double meaning in the context of the story. In other words, it's not only plausible for the context of stepping foot outside the solar system, but it also has some meaning to this particular character - like it's something derived from the song her grandfather always used to sing to her. Then the reader would be more forgiving if the phrase was not "historic" enough, because it's very satisfying in the context. Hope that helps.
Posted by rjzeller (Member # 1906) on :
If it took your character six tries, give yourself six tries and see what you come up with. Maybe you will get it just right.
And I also agree with the double meaning. I think it's always more engrossing when there's a hidden or additional meaning to a statement. I love it when I find out there's more to a song/story/comment than just what's on the surface.
my 2 pennies.
Posted by Alias (Member # 1645) on :
Just do it.
Though your words may seem pale for what they are, the actual passage would be weaker by not having them.
[This message has been edited by Alias (edited March 09, 2004).]
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
I think it would be funnier if she screwed up the line.
Posted by Phanto (Member # 1619) on :
Yeah!
[i] I had the best line. I stepped off the ship. "Um..." Damn, what was it? "[Insert blooper]"
Posted by EricJamesStone (Member # 1681) on :
Yes, it would be funnier if she flubbed the line. If my narrator were the one saying the line, I probably would have him flub it. But the humor in this story is almost completely of the self-deprecating type, and so it fits the tone of the story better if she doesn't flub the line. And for various reasons, I don't want readers thinking of the story as one in which funny things happen, I want them to think that the humor comes from the narrator's way of looking at things.
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
You beat me to it, Eric. I was going to suggest that how you wrote it, or didn't, would help determine the type of story you're telling.
Posted by punahougirl84 (Member # 1731) on :
And besides, if Armstrong flubbed his line (I like the way it ended up), then it's been done - maybe you wouldn't want to repeat history in that fashion.
Or she could use his line, but changed, and the small step would be for woman!
Since you don't mean the story to be a comedy, flubbing the line would not be a great idea - wait til your book is so popular that someone writes a parody - they can have her mess it up and swear or whatever!
Posted by Alias (Member # 1645) on :
Puna, Armstrong didn't have to flub the line.
Because of a bit of static the quote, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," is forever etched in the minds of millions of youth too stupid to sit down and think about what it really means.
As you said, it ended up quite humorous. Contradictory gibberish by simply dropping "a" or "this" or whatever world was omitted by static.
Posted by glogpro (Member # 1745) on :
Sometimes, what makes a quote profound is not the wording at the time but the meaning that is attached to the statement by later events. So, this business of sitting around and trying to *create* great quotes usually falls flat.
Here is how Tolkein did it. When Aragorn is crowned king, he quotes Elendil's words on arrival in middle earth:
Out of the Great Sea To Middle-earth I am come. In this place will I abide, and my heirs, unto the ending of the world.
Now for content, that is not exactly the most pregnant turn of phrase that was ever written. But in the context that Tolkein created, it suited the occasion perfectly. The significance of the quotation is conferred by the events that came after. If the same words had been said by Elendil's barber, whose heirs faded quickly into obscurity in the annals of men, though the words would be just as true, would anyone remember or care?
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
How do we know it wasn't his barber that said it first, and Elendil didn't just appropriate the phrase?
About Armstrong's blunder, it wasn't static, he really did flub the line. That's why he said "mankind" where he was supposed to say "Man". That's also the reason for the long pause after he said "one small step for Man," he knew he'd flubbed it and was trying to think up an ad lib.
But I like the idea of her saying something like, "one small step for a woman, another giant leap for mankind."
Again, though, that would also be funny (albeit intentionally). But some reference to why it is a tremendous achievement...something about reaching the stars and making them our own or suchlike could be good.
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
"From small steps to giant leaps, we have lengthened out our stide across the void of interstellar space, and set foot on a new land."
By the way, is this planet habitable or potentially habitable to humans?
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
That last bit isn't supposed to be part of the quote, mind you. And I meant stride, not stide.
Posted by EricJamesStone (Member # 1681) on :
Not bad, Survivor.
The planet is human-habitable, but has a pre-industrial indigenous civilization.
No, we are not going to invade them and take over the planet.
Posted by yanos (Member # 1831) on :
How about...
quote:Out of the kitchen and into the history books.
Posted by EricJamesStone (Member # 1681) on :
OK, I want to thank everyone who has contributed to this topic. You've convinced me that I need to have an actual quote, rather than talk about the famous quote without quoting it. That was the question that I wanted answered, and I appreciate the help.
However, I do not need suggestions for possible quotes. Thanks for trying to help with that, but I'm going to try to come up with the quote on my own. If I do decide I need help with it, I'll ask.
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
Can we still do funny ones, or should those go on the open discussions forum...Historic Histrionics, anyone?
