Before I post my 13 lines I want to whine and vent about writing. I work in engineering to put food on the table. I have found that engineering has short circuited a big portion of my abilities to talk with human beings. It is absolutely frustrating to learn that I speak and write a special language of acronyms, abbreviations, and even special spellings and punctuations. Its like waking up to find that McZombie might have been a subconscious allegory to my life. Oh well.Here is my slaved over opening to the rewritten story. Let me know if you'd like to read the whole thing (1000 words). And feel free to post any thoughts you may have.
McZombie
By J B Skaggs
"We're sorry, but all our manager positions are filled," the manager said. She was a dark haired middle aged woman. Her nametag read: "manager."
"Look, I really need work. I’m manager material, but I can do anything," Melissa said as she chewed her gum quite loudly. I can't believe I'm begging for a McJob. Geez. Can’t these people tell I am the next Britney Spears? Look at me! I’m so hot. That jealous cow fired me at Burger Prince because she couldn’t handle that I was going to be famous.
"Honey, you don't want to work here," The manager said.
Another employee turned slowly in circles, his mouth drooping open and his eyes staring unblinking.
"Marshall! Go take out the trash," the manager yelled.
He quit shuffling, moaned softly, and shuffled towards the trash can.
Melissa watched the employees trudge along, numb, and stupid. Some were standing with mouths agape, watching the meat patties sizzle. What a bunch of feebs! Like, I can do so much better. The Cosmo-Rocker’s personality quiz said I was so bound for stardom.
[This message has been edited by JBSkaggs (edited December 29, 2004).]