The pitch should go in the query, perhaps, or just be memorized in case you should find yourself at a conference or workshop and you have ten seconds of an agent's time in which to pique their interest.
Wow, daunting much? I have written it a dozen ways, and I am still wondering how in the world to do it.
So I ask you, what would your elevator pitch be for the novel you have written or are working on or may one day write?
There were a lot of frustrated groans in the room at the time.
[This message has been edited by J. N. Khoury (edited January 03, 2011).]
I've heard one interesting suggestion that you should have a second logline that cuts across the first to give a fuller picture of the story's appeal.
Here are loglines for my current WIPs:
The Wonderful Instrument: (1)"A dashing but insecure young political refugee befriends a strange and friendless boy, not realizing that boy is a modern Frankenstein's monster." (2) "The boy becomes both his mentor and rival, teaching and protecting him as they vie for the same girl."
The Quest for Norumbega: (1) "In the far distant future, mighty warrior sages wander the wastelands of North America, meting out justice and fighting ignorance with their peculiar mix of Tibetan Buddhism and Judaism." (2) "A courageous but maladroit young man joins his new master in the quest for the legendary treasure house of sages, a quest that will first break his heart, then lead him to his heart's desire."
Baudwynn The Inattentive: (1) "The most poorly trained demonologist in the land discovers an infernal plot to undermine the nation." (2) "He joins forces with his old school chum, the most learned young wizard of their generation, showing him an ancient style of magic that runs deeper than academic achievement."
DREAMER’S ROSE:
When a demigod succeeds in becoming a god only to find that nothing has prepared him for the challenges he now faces and the results of his own failures, it takes an outcast girl with the ability to enter dreams--even his--to help him make things right.
SEVEN STARS:
When a young woman unintentionally unleashes the berserker curse in her blood, she exiles herself from her home and everything she loves until she can find a way to control the berserker fury and, if possible, a cure for the curse.
MAGE STORM:
Magic is supposedly dead in Rell’s world, but when he finds himself ‘gifted’ with magic he doesn’t know how to control, he’s ostracized from his family and runs away to find someone who can help him learn to use his magic safely.
Yech. Everyone one of those could be cut in half, at least, if I just spent a little time on it.
Haikus are pretty
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator
Of all the 'elevator pitches' I've come up with so far, this one's my favorite. I don't know yet whether it'll be good enough to sell my story, but I'll find out soon enough.
S!
S!
quote:
how in the world...? 5 words?
It's meant to be a challenge. The instructor wanted you to think about your story in the most basic of concepts. Tell the meat of what your story is about, and move on. I did use it when I had my turn at the agent panel. I had never pitched a book before, so I shrugged and said, "I don't know what I'm doing. So I'm going to hit you with my elevator pitch and see if it interests you."
She asked for more, then had me send her the full manuscript. So it can work.
Here's my off-the-cuff shot:
quote:
The heroic journey of a peasant boy who is murdered, but awakens uninjured with a mysterious feather whose secret will unlock the salvation of the kingdom.
Man, that is tough. None of the one-liners I read were that long.
Editing to add the 5-word version:
quote:
Heroic fantasy: boy saves kingdom
[This message has been edited by Wordcaster (edited January 04, 2011).]
Tsunami Riders - Planet-hopping surfers face the wrath.
Longer version
Tsunami Riders - Planet-hopping surfers face the wrath. What's the wrath? You'll just have to read it and find out.
[This message has been edited by Brendan (edited January 03, 2011).]
As for my current works in progress:
The Harrow---The daughter of a doctor seeks to cure the disease that killed her father while her world is at war.
The Death of Marley---Jacob Marley dies and, to his horror, learns what his life meant.
The Memo in the Thermos---Ace and Victor thoroughly enjoy themselves . . . again. (It's a sequel.)
"Coopted human torn between protecting an ancient hidden base and saving her former friends."
Here's some advice on developing a logline from Chris Lockhart, the Story Editor at WME:
A logline conveys the dramatic story of a screenplay in the most abbreviated manner possible.
It presents the major throughline of the dramatic narrative without character intricacies and sub-plots.
It is the story boiled down to its base. A good logline is one sentence. More complicated screenplays may need a two sentence logline.
A logline must present:
Who the story is about (protagonist)
What he strives for (goal)
What stands in his way (antagonistic force)
And all the loglines I've seen in this thread so far would fail per Chris's criteria. It is VERY hard to come up with a good logline.
Having said that, literary works are given a little more leeway. That's why they want chapters and a synopsis. When querying with screenplays, if you don't have a logline that'll grab someone's attention, then into the round file it goes. And no rejection notice, either. Just the whistling wind. Or whatever sound cyberspace makes.
If I had to catch someone's interest in my novel with exactly five words, they would be:
Spies, lies, sex, murder & magic.
I know I cheated with the ampersand, but I honestly can't think of five more interesting words. Also, it's the coolest quick tagline I can think of. Sort of has a ring to it. I suppose I could claim that the five words weren't meant to be a sentence, and I was simply listing a sequence of them for your enjoyment, so I wasn't cheating with '&'.
I'm actually not (completely) trying to be funny; that could totally go on the back cover of my book. I'd be proud of that. (Also would be proud of having a published book. But, you know, the quote too.)
And then I was told that loglines are better suited for screenplays because producers tend to want things that are "new but the same" (as in "derivative").
But book publishers don't want things that sound derivative--they want to know what makes your story different from all the other ones that cross their desks, not what makes them the "new but the same."
Personally, I think the five word thing is ridiculous when it comes to novels. It doesn't say anything about what one's novel is actually about, or why it would be different/better than anything else out there.
A person, in a setting, with a problem.
So mine would be something like:
14 year old Anya didn't ask to move to the Space Station Convergence, leaving all her Earthside friends behind. Pissed and lonely, the first friend she makes is a sentient computer named Isis. When dark forces threaten Isis, Anya will do anything to protect her new friend, risking life, limb, and unintended spacing in the process.
There, that's only five words...
I can see the sense of the elevator pitch. A copywriting rule of thumb allows 75 words per 30 seconds, so you have got some room to work with. It also makes sense that you could run into an agent or editor in an elevator so it is good to be prepared. But I've never heard of anyone asking for novel loglines outside of writing workshops.
quote:
But I've never heard of anyone asking for novel loglines outside of writing workshops.
To each their own device. I just found some use in this one.
If an agent really can't stay focused for more than five words, I think they might be in the wrong line of work.
I think the idea of writing multiple, perpendicular log lines for a story is excellent for teasing out the essential elements....anything that doesn't make it into one of say, three loglines is apparently not central (however attached to it we may be).
Summarizing in one sentence really makes it sound like a cliche.
ETA- maybe more silly than cliched. But loses the specialness of story.
[This message has been edited by TamesonYip (edited January 06, 2011).]
Use your logline as the starting point of your query or synopsis. Start with the one sentence, then flesh out the aspects of the sentence to four, five, or even more sentences. This helps keep your query/synopsis focused, preventing you from dallying on unimportant subplots or developments which, though crucial in your actual book, aren't necessary to communicate to an agent or publisher at the get-go.
It's true that the logline will not, most likely, capture the feel or even full gist of your tale. But then again, neither will a query. Or a synopsis. Or a long-winded speech you might give to an agent. The only thing that's going to effectively communicate the full mood and sweep of your novel is the novel itself. Your goal is to make that full mood and sweep sound as appealing as possible in one sentence, or on one page of synopsis, so folks will want to read the full text and experience the fullness of the story.
That's actually more optimistic than it sounds. The weight of trying to cram your novel into one sentence is lifted - because, frankly, if your novel COULD be reduced to such a length, then it would BE that length. Sure, try to cover the full motion of your novel in one sentence - its very helpful in a variety of ways.
But if your sentence doesn't quite capture the fullness of your work... don't sweat it. Hakuna matata. It just proves your story is bigger than that
[This message has been edited by J. N. Khoury (edited January 06, 2011).]
It's great for that pesky follow up question "so what's your book about?"
It's nice to have something ready so your not all, "um there's this girl and stuff happens, and it's really cool."
Not that I've said that...
Log lines:
HATCHED: After being infected with a disease that will cause her to turn into a dragon, a young girl struggles to find a cure before she grows fangs.
FUNNY TRAGIC, CRAZY MAGIC: Um.... A young girl, and stuff happens, and it's really cool.
Okay, so maybe I need to work on the last one a bit more.
~Sheena
quote:
A young girl, and stuff happens, and it's really cool.
quote:
A young girl, and stuff happens, and it's really cool.
I so read that book already, not interested.
There, it just needed a touch of editing.
quote:A young girl, and stuff happens, and it's really cool.
I so read that book already, not interested.
Hmmm, have to be contrary here. I like it when stuff happens in cool stories, whether to girls or guys, so I would take a second look at this book to see what type of stuff.
This might not express the primary conflict, but it meets the guidelines of who, what, and where.
My young adult novel, RITN, doesn't condense well, but here's an attempt.
"Aliens, ghosts, love, and spaceships in Pennsylvania and elsewhere."
*Edit: I suspect that a blog spammer pulled my character's name from here. It bothered me, so no more name.
[This message has been edited by aspirit (edited January 18, 2011).]
[This message has been edited by JohnColgrove (edited January 10, 2011).]
One-liner for "Nobody of Importance":
A mother's past sins come back to haunt her as she and her daughter are ruthlessly hunted down by a soldier seeking vengeance.
[This message has been edited by Rhaythe (edited January 10, 2011).]
Setting: Present day, unaware earth
This novel chronicles the adventures of two average girls, one of which is a high society heiress turned spy, from the other side of the galaxy. The other is a human from Stokes county North Carolina, who gets turned into a god.
Five words:
... I just can't do it
He's the warrior. She's the dangerous one.
He gave his life to save hers. She will risk all Life to bring him back.
quote:
Here's mine. Maybe it's too long, I don't know.
He's the warrior. She's the dangerous one.
He gave his life to save hers. She will risk all Life to bring him back.
ALL life? Wow. That's all kinds of crazy on her part
[This message has been edited by redux (edited January 28, 2011).]
quote:
ALL life? Wow. That's all kinds of crazy on her part.
The scariest part is she knows exactly what she's doing.
Ben Trovato, I would be interested to read the work that has spawned that hook.
quote:
He's the warrior. She's the dangerous one.
Nicely done.
S!
S!