Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Check my article for me if you have a moment.

This is topic Check my article for me if you have a moment. in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by walexander (Member # 9151) on :

Article submitted to 'The Daily Show' Show topics forum. Edited to the first 13.

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The Draft is back and it’s not the rip in your pants! It is bill H.R.5741 introduced by Mr. Charles Rangel on July 15, 2010; which was referred to the committee on Armed Services.

H.R. 5741: Universal National Service Act

(To require all persons in the United States between the ages of 18 and 42 to perform national service, either as a member of the uniformed services or in civilian service in furtherance of the national defense and homeland security, to authorize the induction of persons in the uniformed services during wartime to meet end-strength requirements of the uniformed services, and for other purposes.)

There is a definition of the bill title under SEC. 101. DEFINITIONS. (3) Which states: The term ‘national service’ means

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Sorry K,

Here's first thirteen. If it's posted in the wrong place please let me know where it should be. I guess under short stories?

I guess my lesson learned is first thirteen applies to everything in writing, but after weeding through a ton of information for the article I had a hard time not just adding direct information. I guess this is still what makes me a novice because I don't see an easy way around stating what is directly said so the readers knows what the facts are. Should I state my own words within the first thirteen, and then deal with facts, or risk cluttering the first thirteen? What is stated in Parentheses is direct fact and hogs most of the first 13. So how do I handle this? I guess when I start to put this together I will be better writer overall.

Full article is here if people wish to read and give advice on how I should have started this correctly. http://forums.thedailyshow.com/?page=ThreadView&thread_id=29215

Sorry again K. I'm slowly learning.

[This message has been edited by walexander (edited July 30, 2010).]

Posted by babooher (Member # 8617) on :

Capitalize English.

Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :

The 13 line rule applies to nonfiction as well as to fiction.

Please cut your article to the first 13 lines, unless you want me to do it, walexander.

Posted by walexander (Member # 9151) on :

I cut to first Thirteen. Sorry K. Still learning.

Posted by Robert Nowall (Member # 2764) on :

I didn't know "The Daily Show" had a topics forum.

Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :

No problem. You post the first 13 of the article, just as you would the first 13 of a story.

I would think that you wouldn't start an article off with an infodump any more than you would a story. You still need to hook the reader with an article opening, or at least put the most important part first (a summary, in the way that newspaper articles are written: in order of importance, so readers will get the main point and can either read on for more details or go on to the next article).