Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Clear and concise

This is topic Clear and concise in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

To visit this topic, use this URL:
http://www.hatrack.com/ubb/writers/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=006087

Posted by MAP (Member # 8631) on :

This really isn't to discuss if clear and concise writing is best but how to achieve it.

I like a clear and concise writing style, and that is what I am aiming for. I am in the last editing stages of a story, and I am trying to take out excess words and phrases that add nothing to the story.

I found a nice list on the internet, but I can't find it. Here are some that I remember.

1. Meaningless modifiers like actually, somewhat, kind of, nearly, etc.

2. Adverbs, especailly the ly ones.

3. That

4. "There was" or "It was" at the begining of sentences.

5. If you are doing first person or close third "he thought" or "he felt" phrases.

I was wondering if anyone else writes in a clear and concise writing style? And if there are any other words or phrases I should look out for?

Posted by Edward Douglas (Member # 8872) on :

Good post.

I definitely think that that needs to show up as little as possible.

I like adverbs, but I use them sparing*ly*.

Right now, I'm purging instances of "although" from my manuscript.

Posted by Phobos (Member # 8883) on :

It sounds so very basic, but you can move mountais simply by choosing the correct and most effective verbs and nouns.

If you are resorting to the use of adverbs to modify verbs in every line then it should be obvious that there is a better suited verb.

Example

Karen ran quickly down the hall.

Karen sprinted down the hall.

Even the most basic fundamentals are overlooked alot. I did a crit today in which I highlighted several lines in desperate need of this application.

I also see a lot of cases emphasis of the sentenses' subject happens too soon in the sentence where it should be tied in at the end.

A big peeve of mine is glancing over a page and seeing that half of the sentences begin with a pronoun (He/She/It) also A&The. It reminds me of childrens stories that I read to my daughter.

The cat ran across the street. It was chasing a ball. Tommy ran after it. He got hit by a tuck.

Not only does this type of prose hurt my eyes, it hurts my heart

Something that I did once was to have my boyfriend randomly pick thirty sentences out of one of my stories and then had him do the same with a published story from one of my favorite writers to compare with and I just dissected them, studied what was good and bad about them. I learned alot, but you should do your own homework and see for yourself.

Posted by Robert Nowall (Member # 2764) on :

It's been a project of mine, last several completed manuscripts, to remove all the "ly" adverbs. At first I thought it read better...however, the last one seemed kinda labored and stilted, so I'm reconsidering. (This is a particularly easy thing to catch and remove, what with computers and word processing and searches and so on. This would've been a nightmare to do in my pre-computer days.)

As I recall, in one of the bonehead English courses I was required to take in college, the instructor seemed to "have a thing" about "there." I went along with it at the time, but never made any particular effort to purge it.

I've tried to remove and rewrite sentences with "has / have / had" and "he was [verb]ing," or any variants thereof. Again, it's producing prose that doesn't thrill me, that seems stilted and labored...and the whole process is getting like chewing gum until it dissolves in your mouth. I'm determined to revise less in the next thing.

Posted by InarticulateBabbler (Member # 4849) on :

In first person (and in deep-penetration 3rd Person) you should not only eliminate he/she/I thoughts but anything eluding to PoV perception.

I/he/she saw smoke billowing out of the factory's pipes and smelled the sulfur.

Black clouds billowed out of the factory's smoke stacks, permeating the air with the taste of sulfur and the scent rotten eggs.

I/he/she heard seagulls cawing overhead, where the gray clouds swept past. She/he/I felt the prssure drop.

The air went cold. Seagulls squawked overhead, circling, as if seeking to find shelter from the gathering storm clouds.

Once you've established PoV, the reader knows who's seeing, hearing, touching, tasting or smelling.

Posted by billawaboy (Member # 8182) on :

I always aim for clear and concise - but I'm wary of cutting without knowing if I'm changing the context. I used to do that! Now I've been trying to avoid applying writing rules ala Strunk and White and Stephen King, just to have a weed-wacker effect on certain types of words.

Now I'm trying to see how the meaning changes for the reader within the context of the story. I look at it as going through each line not to reduce verbiage, but whether it enhances the text.

I think a lot of these rules come from Elements of Style and I think they work beautifully for nonfiction prose - but for fiction, where style can make or break a story, I'm very reluctant to change what seems to work when I read it out loud.

I use Elements as the starting point, on what the basic rules of style are and how they should be applied, but then I apply LeGuin's recommendations in Steering the Craft, which introduces the poetry in fiction prose, where breaking the rules of style by keeping an extra word that "does nothing" provides pacing and lyrical tones as you read.

i think overuse of Elements may be why many of the popular bestsellers American novels sound the same. I mean, can you tell the difference in style between a Crichton and a Grisham? (may those are not good examples, lol) But even the fantasy and scifi has fallen prey to this. But when I read a translation of a recent German or French novel (usually by the author) it feels very new and bold and refreshing. I think some American writers may have gone Elements crazy.

So I say, use Elements as a basic need for all writers, but fiction writers, like us, need something like a Steering on top of that to develop our own style - or we'll all end up having essentially the same 'elements of style.'

[This message has been edited by billawaboy (edited February 27, 2010).]

Posted by Merlion-Emrys (Member # 7912) on :

Ooo a book on writing by Ursula K. LeGuin? Might have to check that out.

That was a great post, billawayboy.

Posted by billawaboy (Member # 8182) on :

Yep. ty.

here's the amazon link:
http://www.amazon.com/Steering-Craft-Exercises-Discussions-Navigator/dp/0933377460

quote:
The title refers to a workshop she gave at the Flight of the Mind in 1966; collected here are the discussion topics and exercises for self-guided study. Although she focuses on the technical aspects of writing, Le Guin's skill pushes this beyond a handbook or style manual. Through "opinion pieces" about specific concerns, through her eclectic selections of writing to illustrate various techniques and the progression of exercises crafted to give experience to the novice and to flex the muscles of more seasoned writers, Le Guin's style is warm and encouraging, yet her standards of what turns writing into art are clearly defined and never compromised.

Posted by posulliv (Member # 8147) on :

quote:
In first person (and in deep-penetration 3rd Person) you should not only eliminate he/she/I thoughts but anything eluding to PoV perception.

Great advice, InarticulateBabbler. Easy to miss when I'm cranking on a 1st person draft, and easy to fix in editing. This one goes on the editing cheat sheet.

Posted by Teraen (Member # 8612) on :

Different people have different problems, methinks. (I tend to use the words "just" and "seems" alot.) With modern computatering, you can use the word processor to your advantage:

Do you use too many adjectives? Set it to search for -ly, then change instances that it brings up.

Do you have crutch words (like just or seems)? Search for them and kill'em.

That method has helped me. I know it isn't exhaustive, and requires you know what your weaknesses are ahead of time. But it works.

... now, to wait for microsoft to invent the "find passive voice" feature...

Posted by Merlion-Emrys (Member # 7912) on :

If you set the Word spellchecker to check both style and grammar it will point out instances of "passive" voice.

[This message has been edited by Merlion-Emrys (edited February 27, 2010).]

Posted by Teraen (Member # 8612) on :

Oh yeah. One more tool that helps me:

Killing repetitive words. If there is a word you use too much, it can sneakily hide in text. You may not be able to see that you are using "run" once per page, but it will cause the manuscript to bog down, I think. Go to http://www.wordle.net/ and paste in your entire manuscript. It creates a web of your vocab usage, with the most common words in the center. For example, I pasted this post, and the most common word is "word."

If you find a large prominent word (like "run" for example) you can search for that in your manuscript and see if there are synonyms for most of your cases.

I feel I've achieved a good balance when my word web has my characters names in the center, followed by lots of common words like "the" and "and," and everything else is about the same size - meaning a good balance of vocab.

Posted by Crystal Stevens (Member # 8006) on :

I've been shot down before for posting books I feel are good references but decided to give it another shot. I picked this book up at the used bookstore I like to frequent. It's helped me trim and clean up my prose. The copyright is 2002. So it may not be too old to relate to today's writer:

WRITE TIGHT by William Brohaugh

[This message has been edited by Crystal Stevens (edited February 27, 2010).]

Posted by Pyre Dynasty (Member # 1947) on :

I can't think of anything to add to the list at the moment, but good suggestions all. I do have a warning though, sometimes when people try a slimming down they mess up their pacing.

Posted by KayTi (Member # 5137) on :

I'm editing a novel MS right now and find that I do a lot of ... I think it's called gerund forms (or, er, some grammatical term that I don't know the name of but can identify when I see it.)

A lot of

She was running.

She said, going over to the corner table and picking up a packet.

It's kind of ridiculous how often I'm finding these in my MS! Looks a lot better "She ran" and "She went over to the corner table and picked up a packet." There are times when I need the ing form of the verb (to indicate an action that is ongoing, for example) but mostly it's just one of my stupid quirks that I'm going to have to add to a hit list of things to search for. When I'm done with THIS editing pass, though. Ay carumba it's taken me forever!

I love seeing what everyone else looks for, though. It's helping me add a few things to the hit list.

Posted by MAP (Member # 8631) on :

Thanks everyone for the great suggestions and cautions.

I saved a new file before my slim down, so if I edit it to death, I can just go back to my old file. There is a fine balance.

Posted by JSchuler (Member # 8970) on :

quote:
A big peeve of mine is glancing over a page and seeing that half of the sentences begin with a pronoun (He/She/It) also A&The. It reminds me of childrens stories that I read to my daughter.
The cat ran across the street. It was chasing a ball. Tommy ran after it. He got hit by a tuck.
Not only does this type of prose hurt my eyes, it hurts my heart

I just grabbed the books by Larry Niven, OSC, Neal Stephenson, and Heinlein that are sitting on my desk, and with the exception of Heinlein, half of the sentences have those beginnings. Heinlein's is worse, as he keeps starting with "Was."

Bearing on the topic of concise writing, the sentences that don't follow that formulation in Card's work, at least on the page I randomly opened to, typically begin with a clause that could be eliminated without negatively impacting the data being conveyed: "In that case," "In fact." But removing them would change the tone and flow, and not for the better.