Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Odd Short Story Start

This is topic Odd Short Story Start in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Zero (Member # 3619) on :

Normally I hold fast to the rule that the opening lines should establish viewpoint and setting, and if possible the beginnings of a conflict.

But in my current WIP I start with a paragraph in present tense, talking about some small (but fascinating) aspect of the world, which directly relates to the scene that unfolds right after. But I don't name my character or explain my setitng for a few lines. And after that point it's 3rd/past.

It would be something like this: (this is not my WIP, so I don't want feedback on this fragment, this is just an example to serve my point)

quote:
Most people sensitive to ghosts don't know what one is. They feel the icy breath on their shoulders, and hear the whispering thick in a night's breeze, but it takes years before they realize what's behind it. And longer still before they know how to speak back.
John stood opposite his ghost, facing the pale form of his nearly-invisible pet. They were in the cemetary, and the dawn sun was just climbing into the sky.

So I have a paragraph that "sets up" the speculative element, but I delay launching my story to do that. I think it can work, but what are your thoughts?

Posted by tchernabyelo (Member # 2651) on :

It can work. It's an intro. But you have to convince the reader (and the editor) that it's necessary, that it adds to and illuminates the story in a way that the story itself doesn't, and to some extent that begs the question of why the story doesn't do the job on its own. It feels almost like a Twilight Zone/Outer Limits style intro (and arguably raises the expectation of being a bookend, and thus being matched with a little homily or some such at the end - and those rarely work well).

At the moment, I don't see the purpose to the line in your example - it almost reads like a synopsis for the story, a plot summary.

Posted by Zero (Member # 3619) on :

That's a good insight.

I'd like to get a few more opinions and thoughts.

[This message has been edited by Zero (edited September 11, 2008).]

Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :

It seems almost like one of those quotes or excerpts people put at the beginning of their story. Except that it has no context to it.

I'm not sure how much you need it, either. It does set a whimsical tone, if that's what you're going for. I think all of the info that you put in there could just as easily be conveyed in the story itself.

But I'm also not sure how much it hurts your story. It does pique my curiosity. And OSC says the first paragraph is free...

Sorry, not much help here.

Posted by InarticulateBabbler (Member # 4849) on :

quote:

It seems almost like one of those quotes or excerpts people put at the beginning of their story.

You mean an epithet? They are usually at the beginnings of chapters, parts or "books" of a novel. And...I can see that. However, Frank Herbert didn't show the relevance in any way until the end, when you realized that they were bits and pieces of information and backstory that would've seemed a verbose info-dump in the story. (Robin Hobb does them, too.)

[This message has been edited by InarticulateBabbler (edited September 11, 2008).]

Posted by philocinemas (Member # 8108) on :

Zero,

I like it. In all honesty, I have come to feel that modern fiction has been enclosed into a tidy, little, ridiculous bubble. It magnifies every miniscule requirement that is imposed upon it as critics stoop over and thumb their elongated noses at every supposed defect. Never do they recognize the majesty of the power that words wield when presented in just the right way. They stare down at this perfect little bubble, a box of their own choosing, and cry “yea” or “nay” and determine its destiny as if they were God.

I suggest you try popping their perfect little bubble, but be prepared to incur the wrath of God – purgatory is the place where all great words are cast unread.

Posted by Nick T (Member # 8052) on :

Zero,

In the case of the example you've given, I think it was more likely to detract from the story than add to it. Without reading the whole thing it's impossible to tell, but I've always held that the function of a story is to tell a story and everything else is gravy, so you'd better get on with it. Unless there's simply no other way to do it, I really do think the "rules" work well most of the time. This frame, for me, sets up an explicit promise and I don't typically get a good feeling about those kind of set-ups.

However, in your actual WIP, a fascinating fact might be an acceptable "hook" to start things off before we get to know the characters. I think the "non-POV" start works best when it gives information that would be simply too cumbersome to tell within the context of the story and when it's interesting in and of itself. It better be something that intrigues me, so it better be good. If it is good, I don't think it matters.

Cheers,

Nick

[This message has been edited by Nick T (edited September 12, 2008).]

Posted by oliverhouse (Member # 3432) on :

Zero, is there a reason for me to care about how most people react to ghosts? If not, you should probably kill it. In your current example, I'm drawn in much more by "John stood opposite his ghost" than by an abstract representation of the way most people react to ghosts.

That said, there are always exceptions. Do you want to put down your actual opener so we can see if that particular combination works?

Posted by rstegman (Member # 3233) on :

Reading your example, I would say that it was not needed.
The

quote:
John stood opposite his ghost, facing the pale form of his nearly-invisible pet. They were in the cemetery, and the dawn sun was just climbing into the sky.

tells me what kind of story I am reading. The very fact that there is a ghost there, tells me that it is not going to be something I would read in a magazine read by the Elite of society.
The first paragraph can be fed in by the actions of others.

Posted by Zero (Member # 3619) on :

Good thoughts, thanks. Though I'm surprised no one seemed bothered by the shift in tense, at least it went unstated.

Posted by EricJamesStone (Member # 1681) on :

> You mean an epithet?

You mean an epigraph?

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/epithet
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/epigraph

Posted by InarticulateBabbler (Member # 4849) on :

Yes, Epigraph. I hadn't known that word existed. All my earlier searches pulled up was epithet. Thanks, EricJamesStone. (Why does that sound corny? Is just Eric cool?)

[This message has been edited by InarticulateBabbler (edited September 19, 2008).]