Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Fleshing in the Details

This is topic Fleshing in the Details in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Tiergan (Member # 7852) on :

Any advice? I am nearing completion of editing my fantasy novel and I am beginning to fear I have gotten to lean with my writing, mainly the description end of it. But, every time I go back and try to add a little detail, even just a sentence, it’s agony. I don’t know if it’s that I am afraid to slow the pace, or mess with the POV, or the prose. I mean if a young girl is fleeing for her life, crashes through a door, and falls to the floor. Is she really going to notice the architecture of the house she ran by, or the one she ran into, the style, color, or make of the door she smashed her head against and that the floor boards that are soaking up her blood are pine?

One of my readers pointed out that the first chapter was fast, exciting and gripping, but he felt he had no idea where it was taking place, and that some little details would help achieve this. And I agree whole heartedly. I am just having a hard time doing it. Any suggestions on how to get through this funk?

Posted by Bent Tree (Member # 7777) on :

Keep in mind how the POV character interacts with the environment. In a action paced setting would they be scanning for shelter, cover. Would they react differently than if they were strolling by a lake? In what ways? As Adrenaline courses through them which senses heighten? Hearing? Smell?

Are landmarks important to the meaning of the action? destinations? sources of conflict? If comabatants were comming at you, would you notice where they were comming from? The Tavern? The South Gate?

Sorry about the brain fart.

Posted by JeanneT (Member # 5709) on :

The trick I think is that it will be small details and one will notice those: the branch that slaps at your face as you ride through a forest, the loose cobblestone you stumble over dashing through a street, the smoke from a burning town that makes you choke, the wood floor that skins your hands when you fall through the doorway...

I think that you're right that someone isn't going to notice large things in a crisis, but I remember very well the rain that slashed my face in a hurricane. And these small details can be used to give a sense of place.

There is a good chance that we won't see the overall picture--where the enemy comes from or what the buildings are like, but we will notice the sentory detail that impacts us. And that will give a strong sense of place.

[This message has been edited by JeanneT (edited June 23, 2008).]

Posted by extrinsic (Member # 8019) on :

My guiding principle is if the context of setting contributes to causation, tension, or opposition, it's necessary. In the contrary, getting setting description in can be superfluous unless it's timely related and in proportion to the plot. In action scenes, the characters don't have much time for reflection unless the setting poses opposition, like, tripping over a rug. In slower paced passages interceding between action scenes, setting might more readily be a part of the character's reflections.

Nonetheless, the place and situation attributes of setting are important context for readers' involvement in a story. Incorporating place and situation might be entirely from physical description, sensory details, or the character's sense of the place through their discourse and dialogue. However, I prefer to read and write settings that are melds of all the elements of story. Causal setting features might be as simple as rainfall that causes the protagonist to don a rain coat. Or as complex as needing an EVA suit and all its procedures to brave the vacuum of space.

Place and situation are relative locations rather than absolute locations. Naming a place, unless the reader is intimately familiar with the place, involves showing the landscape, the interior spaces, the accoutrements and objects, and the sensory experiences of the setting so that the reader is in the presence of the setting.

Place is specifically the relationship the character has to the location and the influences the location has on the character, for example, if the setting is in a waterside location, the character might have a nautical lifestyle and diction or on the other hand, might be deathly afraid of the water.

Situation is the relationship the place has to the larger setting, for example, the house to the neighborhood, and the manner that they mirror each other, and incidentally reflect the character. A gated community will likely have affluent residents and expensive homes, and perhaps a siege mentallity toward the outside world. A house situated in a rural setting virtually dictates that the occupants will not travel on foot. In a metropolitan setting, foot travel is a given, though mass transit is also part of the character's travel methods.

[This message has been edited by extrinsic (edited June 23, 2008).]

Posted by snapper (Member # 7299) on :

In a sense, you are asking "How do I keep my climatic scene exciting without the reader being lost?"

Perhaps if you could set your scenery first. It may help set the mood.

His footsteps echoed off the stone floor. Shouts and running feet vibrated off the ceiling. He kept an eye on the thick oak door, waiting for the enemy to barge through

Describe the scene before the action starts than work in small details as you go.

He sliced at his enemy as he backstepped up the curved staircase. He leaned against the study handrail, absorbing the blows of his foe's sword.

something like that. I'm sure you can do better.

Posted by Tiergan (Member # 7852) on :

Thank you all. I shall keep trying at it. I tell you my first book was much easier, an assassin, always looks at every angle, it made setting the scenes easy.