Hatrack River Writers Workshop: more help (is needed)

This is topic more help (is needed) in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Leaf II (Member # 2924) on :

Hello fellow hatrackers. I'm back again (cursed exam/crunch time at college) Anywho...

I am coming to you all for some help for a particular section of my novel. I am wary of asking for help on something BIG AND IMPORTANT, as I read the posts for someone who asked something akin to that recentely. Hahaha... you guys tore him a new one. It frightened me just a bit.

Nor do I expect to find the exact answer, but it will nonetheless get me thinking.

So here is the setup (I'm making it as simple as I can..)

In this world I've created, two people (one of them is the main character) have a sort of... unlimited magic ability. But at the start of the novel the main character is just a child, and figuring everything out still.

In one scene, she is practicing magic in secret. Here she is doing something dangerous, and her father comes upon her unknown to her, and reacts, causing his death. THAT is what is important to the story, that he reacts to what she is doing and dies, causing her to feel much guilt. But that is also where I am stuck; what was she doing? The act of what she was doing is less crucial to the story line, and so I am open for suggestions.. (you never know what innocent phrase might become the muse.)

So let me just say that her location is near the cliff's edge, over looking the sea (think Ireland.) I was at first going to have her stand on the air above just beyond the cliff, and her father run after her but fall to his death.

But that just seemed so ....i dunno... STUPID. Plus it was the first idea I thought of, but that's all I got.

So any serious suggestions that pop into your own creative minds? I wouldn't ask but I am SO stuck. (I finished the first draft of everything while kind of skirting the details here... but not it's go time.. so I gotta deal.)

Thanks for the help, and please don't start a lecture at me about something, or question something irrelevant that I've posted as background info... unless u need it to help you understand the situation. I know that sounds very... haughty or something, but I don't feel like being attacked instead of helped.

-leaf

Posted by Grijalva (Member # 3295) on :

Hmmm, interesting. Reminds me of that one story that Orson Scott Card talks about in his how to write fantasy book. Where a boy figures out his power to move from one body to the other, but everytime he takes over that body it kills the person, and he found his power by killing his parents; which is not found out till towards the end of the story.

But yeah, I like the idea, maybe have her practicing necromancy and trying to bring her pet back to life, but her father catches her, and she accidently sends the spell his way, and it does the opposite on him; in turn it kills him.

Posted by Inkwell (Member # 1944) on :

^^^
Butler's Wild Seed? Good book. Hmmm...right off the top of my head I'm thinking a When Animals Attack scenario might work. For example, your character is using her magic to converse with an extremely territorial creature that would normally be very dangerous. Her father rushes in, trying to get between her and the dragon/bear/huge raptor(in the bird-of-prey sense), and gets himself bitten in half, mauled to death, clawed in the head/throat, etc.

You could even have the girl react out of anger, channeling her power instinctively to kill/maim the creature...thereby making the situation doubly tragic.

Just a thought.

Inkwell
------------------
"The difference between a writer and someone who says they want to write is merely the width of a postage stamp."
-Anonymous

Posted by Novice (Member # 3379) on :

Since the details of what particular bit of mischief she is working on aren't pertinent to the rest of the story, maybe don't provide any. Let the reader fill in the blanks with whatever their imagination wants. It might actually be more interesting that way...give just enough so that the reader doesn't feel you are teasing, make it clear enough what happened so you aren't withholding, and trust your reader to do the rest.

Posted by JmariC (Member # 2698) on :

I think your first idea is great. It just needs more detail.

Think of a kid who learn something new like jumping in puddles. It's fun and it becomes a game. An angry parent tries to catch the kid, to stop the kid, and it is even more of a game! Now it's a "catch me if you can" kind of fun! The kid laughs and runs faster, ducks and twists away running across a road with lots of water filled pot holes. The parent chases after, accidently steps in one of the holes and trips. The kid stops, safely out of reach of course, and laughs while staring at thier now dirty parent.
Neither notice the car until it's too late.

That would be quite tramatic.

Posted by Leaf II (Member # 2924) on :

interesting.. interesting...

I like these ideas... I will think on them. Its been helpful so far. If any more... speak up!!!

-leaf (thanks)

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

I think that something like your initial idea is workable. Only she isn't already obviously standing in the air when her father sees her. She's leaning out over the cliff edge in half levitation, sort of testing. Then her father tries to grab her, and she jumps over the edge in surprise. That way her father's actions make more sense, because it would look like she was in imminent danger rather than floating. Also, because she has to stop herself from falling and she hasn't already mastered levitation, it gives a reason that she couldn't just grab him and save both of them.

The animal summoning idea works too. She has just gotten the animal under control, but when her father distracts her she loses control long enough for him to be mauled. The basic key is that whatever she's doing, she's barely started doing it when her father interferes. That way it makes sense that she would lose control sufficiently for him to be killed.

It also makes sense if she's doing something that she knows is forbidden, and her father dies as a result of the spell working. Like the necromantic pet, if it kills her father rather than the spell killing him, she is really at fault. Or if magic in general is forbidden, and she gets caught doing it, and her father takes the fall for her...I don't think that magic is forbidden in your milieu, though. But probably some things are proscribed because they are simply too dangerous. Necromancy, demonic summoning, whatever.

Posted by Leaf II (Member # 2924) on :

Okay....
So I'm starting to get a sense that the initial idea isn't so bad, if done right. In truth, that's how it was going to play out, that she's only beginning to do this new thing (lean or take a step off or towards the edge), and is suprised, and the dad kinda freaked out, and he reacted, which causes him to fall over the side, and its all she can do to save herself, because not only does she not know what shes doing per se, but she was suprised. Theres no malicious intent (or necromancy and dark spells... she's 'the good guy,').. but really, thanks for the suggestions.

And it has to be that she didn't DIRECTLY kill him, but feels extra responsible because her grief and guilt are big motivators in her actions in the future. So I think I might stick with this original idea... but to wait and see if anyone else speaks up about it.. just to see.

thanks
-leaf

[This message has been edited by Leaf II (edited May 09, 2006).]

Posted by hoptoad (Member # 2145) on :

double post sorry: see below

[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited May 09, 2006).]

Posted by hoptoad (Member # 2145) on :

Simple idea:
If you want her to levitate, why not have him come close and try to coax her back to firm ground only to have the cliff's edge crumble under his weight? The only drawback I see is that an accident so straight forward is something that, as an adult, she would find easier to forgive herself for than if there was a wilful or stupidity factor to her father's death. Unless he repeatedly told her to 'get away from the edge, it's unstable.'

It would be cool if she was feeding the seagulls and throwing bread into the air above her when she , without realising she is doing it, begins to levitate into the squall of birds. Her dad notices first and cries out in alarm, she now realises and, terrified, starts screaming. He tries to reach her and falls as a result., she hangs there mid-air for some time before she can work out how to get down. Now, as an adult, she can't bear the sound of gulls.

Complicated Idea:
Why do you want the 'act' itself to be unimportant to the story? Is it because it may require the rest of the story to be adjusted? If the act was some simple thing she has to do in order to produce magic then every time she does this simple thing it could remind her of her father.

Example:
If, for instance, her flesh has to be in contact with the bare earth in order to work her magic, then as a kid she may think she needs to be naked and lie on the ground. As an adult she may know that all she needs to do is shuck-off her shoes but as a kid she is learning.

A father coming across his daughter in such a state could react in very many ways. If for instance she is naked on a cliff-top in the rain and suffering hypothermia so that she is only semi-lucid and possibly near death, his actions might be to remove his protective clothing/coat etc, gather her up in it and rush her home. She, now safe and warm, recovers from a serious fever but he, having to cut peat on the gale-blasted moors every day to keep the family warm and dry, dies a month later from pneumonia. In that month he asks her, just once, what she was doing out there but she will not answer.

As an adult, every time she shucks-off her shoes it reminds her how stupid she was, her regret about refusing to answer her father's question and the consequences of her fierce independence in trying to discover her talents without guidance. Just thoughts.

Point being:
Whatever the 'act' may be, it can add another layer of context to all her actions/challenges, if you choose.

[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited May 09, 2006).]

Posted by Leaf II (Member # 2924) on :

Thanks guys.
Your suggestions were fantastic. I think I've got it... I feel better about it in any case.

Keep an eye out for this story on the critique page sometime in about.... oh I dunno 3 months... haha.

Anyways, thanks
-leaf