Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Questions about Dialogue

This is topic Questions about Dialogue in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by WolfofWar (Member # 3156) on :

I have a question for some of the writers on the board. I was wondering how you approach formating dialogue, and also whats considered the "proper way" of doing it.

For example, do you space every line of dialogue out, like this:

"I hate Mondays" James said while exhaling a sigh.

"Everybody hates Mondays." Sarah commented.

Or do you keep it all together with the paragraph, Like This:

"You know, this rain is really bumming me out!" Frances exclamed mildly to them.
"Well, it could be worse, it could be a thunderstorm--" Before Joanne could interject, a load, furious boom shoke the house overtop of them.

Which way do you guys consider the "proper" way of doing dialogue, and which way would you suggest?

Posted by MaryRobinette (Member # 1680) on :

The proper way to format dialogue is like this.

"Blah blah blah," Person said/commented/exclaimed.

You have to have a coma if you are using a dialogue tag.

However, you may also pair a line of dialogue with an action in which case you punctuate them both as complete separate sentences. Like this:

"Blah, blah, blah." Person shook the rain from his hair.

If the action is performed by someone other than the person speaking then it goes in a separate paragraph.

"Blah, blah, blah."
Person2 shook the rain from his hair. "Blah blah?"

Posted by Robert Nowall (Member # 2764) on :

Well, I think it's best to not have the sentence try to do too much. Probably "while exhaling a sigh" should be separate, and you should just say "James said."

Probably also you shouldn't overdo using substitutes for "said." Some writers discard "said" and such completely, say, along the lines of, " 'Well, it could be worse, it could be a thunderstorm---' A load, furious boom shoke the house overtop of them." (I'm not making corrections to your spelling, 'cause that'd be another issue.)

Also also---it's a fairly rigid rule in Western Civilization that there only be one speaker of dialog within one paragraph. I don't think that's what you meant---I'm just putting this here to be on the safe side.

"Spacing," now...well, when submitting something, editors generally expect everything to be double-spaced, paragraphs indented no matter how long they are...at least as far as the printed manuscript page. Things do come across differently on the computer screen, though...

Posted by WolfofWar (Member # 3156) on :

One other question, how about the "he Said, She said" stuff? If there are only two people talking in a dialogue, do you constantly need to place who said what after each dialogue comment? Or only the first couple of times?

"I agree," He said.
"Well I don't," She said.
"Well too bad," He said.

Posted by trousercuit (Member # 3235) on :

Don't worry about replacing "said." It's an invisible word in English, like "the," "and," "antidisestablishmentarianism," etc.

Posted by WolfofWar (Member # 3156) on :

So I can just keep on saying said?

I was always worried that it just sticks out as a repetition

Posted by trousercuit (Member # 3235) on :

You can usually assume it's a two-way exchange - that is, two people trading sentences. If you have three people, dialog is often a collection of two-way exchanges, and you only need to signal the reader if the dialog switches to another two.

In the two-speaker case, if it's clear who the first speaker is talking to, you can even leave off the second speaker's tag.

The Captain turned to Mackey. "No dessert," he said.
"Aw, come on."

It's fairly clear that Mackey is talking in the second quote.

Posted by AstroStewart (Member # 2597) on :

At the same time I've read books before where they let that lack of tags get out of hand in a two person conversation. Even if each person speaks in turn, it gets confusing to read:

"Hello," he said to the girl.
"Hi there."
"How are you?"
"OK."
"Only OK?"
"What's wrong with OK?"
"Nothing I guess."
"blah blah"
"blah blah blah"
"blah"
"blah blah"

You end up getting a floating head syndrome. No one stays in a conversation that long without changing the tone of their voice, shifting their body weight, maybe giving off some nonverbal signals, etc. And sometimes you can get lost with who's talking when.

Posted by trousercuit (Member # 3235) on :

It also has to do with the sparseness of information in the dialog. If you've got good, tight dialog, there may be enough context cues that the reader can easily follow. Otherwise, yeah, put some physical stuff in there.

There are so many darn factors in this that often you just have to give it to someone else and say, "Is it clear who's saying what here?"

The basic idea, though, is that dialog is usually a collection of two-way exchanges. By short breaks for physical cues, dialog context, and the assumption of exchange, you can omit most of the "he said, she said."

Posted by trousercuit (Member # 3235) on :

James glanced at Sarah and sighed. "I hate Mondays."

"Everybody hates Mondays."

"I'll bet I hate Mondays more than you."

Sarah looked hurt. "You hate me?"

James stuck his tongue out at her. "I hate all women. Especially on Mondays. If you really want to burn me up, just surround me with women on a Monday morning."

"James, that happens every Monday morning."

"Yeah, I know. You know what I got this morning?" He switched to a feigned alto. "'James, I can't do jumping-jacks, it makes my thighs jiggle and I feel fat.' This from Ms. Stick-Figure-on-a-Stick."

Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :

I'm going to disagree with:

quote:
If you have three people, dialog is often a collection of two-way exchanges, and you only need to signal the reader if the dialog switches to another two.

If more than one person is present and engaging in the stream of dialogue, I think it's vitally important that you make it quite clear who is speaking. If, on the other hand, person three exits stage left after saying his piece, then the other two may continue with a sparser use of the tags.

Another note on the issue, the uses of 'he said' and 'she said' is also determined by the rhythm of the language. Even when only two people are speaking, it often works well rhythmically to stick a 'he said' in to give the reader a breath or a pause. Or a line might simply sound or feel better with a tag. If it does, stick it in. Also, I liked the point made about not using tags at all. If the paragraph is consistent in being focused on the actions of the one person who is speaking at the time, you don't necessarily need to do a '"Blah, blah, blah," she said.'

Posted by arriki (Member # 3079) on :

Sometimes you do need to put a narrative description in a separate paragraph. It depends on how on much the words and the physical reaction are separate responses to a stimulus.

And, while it is normal to have one speaker per paragraph, I have seen several in a single paragraph. There are extenuating circumstances of course. Sometimes it is because the two or more speakers' comments are a sampling of general comments to some stimulus. Often they are separated by -- as in

The crowd grew more restless. How much are you lying? -- Why don't you show yourselves? -- Are we going to settle for this? -- No! the mob shouted. They surged foward and broke through the police lines.

Poor example, but you see the structure?

What I love is Iain Pears using -- to set off a bit of dialogue within a narrative paragraph. Sort of inserting a tiny scene within a general bit of narration.

[This message has been edited by arriki (edited February 17, 2006).]

Posted by Minister (Member # 2213) on :

I've just got to say that I loved Trouser's sample dialogue.