Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Writing Affected/Effected Speech

This is topic Writing Affected/Effected Speech in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Matt Lust (Member # 3031) on :

Drunken speech, Speech with accents etc

Do you say something like: while drunk Tom said "I like you"

or do you say something like : while drunk Tom said "Aye lyke yoo"

Is it a style issue or more of a serious readability issue?

Posted by TheBishop (Member # 3055) on :

It depends how long the encounter is. If my POV character is just encountering a drunk for the first time, and if the drunk is drunk enough to slur his speech, I will do things like run the words together and spell them phoenetically.

"'Eybuddy... buddy... over 'ere."

If the encounter is going to last longer than a single sentence, the drunk's speech becomes easier to follow, probably I only write out the slurred "s"s ("Shilly me") and refrain from seriously messing with the words unless it's cliche enough for everybody to understand ("Hello, oshiffer!"). Your POV character gets used to the drunk's way of speaking and adjusts to it, just as you begin to understand somebody with a difficult accent after listening to them for a while.

I never mispell anything deliberately. Remember, your POV character doesn't translate an "i" vowel into a "y" vowel when they hear a drunk say "like". They hear "like", or "'ike", or something similar. Otherwise, it's just too much work and too distracting to the reader.

If your POV character IS the drunk... well everything sounds normal to them most of the time, right? Their speech should be unaffected unless they notice that they're drunk, then the same rules would apply I guess, but keep the conversation short.

My 2c.

Posted by HuntGod (Member # 2259) on :

If you do this inconsistently it will garner criticism, if you do this consistently it will garner criticism.

Saying Tom, drunk as as a skunk, slurred and stumbled through the conversation, is fine.

If you try to write the affected speech you are generally just creating problems.

Some authors do this very well but it is hard to do this without it being obtrusive.

Posted by Elan (Member # 2442) on :

If you have any questions about how annoying affected speech is to the reader, pick up a copy of "A Clockwork Orange" and read the first 13.

You can get the concept of drunkenness across without overdoing affected speech. Other mannerisms can be equally effective to convey your character's state of mind.

Your job is to convey the concept to your reader, not make them stumble along word-for-word with the drunk. This applies to regional dialect as well. A smidgeon of obvious dialect is fine for flavor, but use it like cayenne pepper, with a light hand.

Posted by Robert Nowall (Member # 2764) on :

Handling affected speech, or dialect, can be tricky. I've read books---and tend towards that myself in my writing---where the straightforward prose narrative was clear as crystal, but the dialog bordered on (or crossed over to) gibberish. (I cite Pangborn's "Davy" as an example---a fine book well worth the effort, but somewhat problematic dialog.)

It's difficult for many modern-day readers to handle. Often they learned to sight-read---learning words as if they were ideograms and not grasping how letters work together until much later, if at all.

Posted by rcorporon (Member # 2879) on :

I would try to avoid using too much gibberish. I thought that the way Clavell handled mixed up language in "Shogun" was excellent, however, in his novel "Tai Pan" trying to figure out what the Chinese were saying when they spoke English was impossible for me, so I started to simply skip their dialogue sections.

Posted by pantros (Member # 3237) on :

You write it in normal speech and say that they spoke drunkenly.

Posted by Brinestone (Member # 747) on :

I'm all for subtlety, myself.

"Hey baby," Tom slurred.

"Tom," I said, stepping back. "You're drunk."

"No I'm not," he said, and took a swaying step toward me.

"You're too drunk to see that I'm your sister," I said. I grabbed his arm to steady him. "Why don't I drive you home?"

[This message has been edited by Brinestone (edited January 04, 2006).]

Posted by TheoPhileo (Member # 1914) on :

I agree with what most have said here. Show dialogue/accents through word choice, not mis-spelling words. Anything that will be difficult for the reader's eye to scan is likely to slow down reading speed and pull him/her out of the story.

Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :

I have a theory about languages that might apply to accents and dialects and such. I think that there are at least three aspects to a language and if a non-native speaker doesn't learn all three, then that speaker has an accent according to the perceptions of native speakers.

Those three things are pronunciation, syntax, and music. (Music can be argued to be part of pronunciation, but I think that would be like arguing that a bunch of random notes equals a piece of music.)

You have to learn how to pronounce the words correctly. You have to learn how to use the words correctly (word order, changing them according to tense, person, place in a sentence, and so on). You have to be able to learn the music of the language.

So far as I know, every language has its own music. If you want an exaggerated example of what I mean by language "music," consider the Swedish chef on THE MUPPETS. What he speaks is absolutely NOT Swedish, but the "music" (which includes the rhythm) of his "speech" is clearly Swedish, and so he is easily recognized as representing a Swedish speaker.

I think what we're talking about in this topic is when a writer tries to convey the pronunciation in order to convey an accent.

And what people are advising is that writers try instead to convey the syntax in order to convey an accent.

I'd like to suggest that you might also want to try to convey the music of the language. Of course, the written word is limited in what it can do, but it might be possible to imply the rhythm in someone's speech, if not the tones.

Posted by Miriel (Member # 2719) on :

I've always found that messing with syntax/grammar, as Kathleen mentioned, is a lot more readable than messing with spelling.

"Yur uh purty lady" is pretty taxing on the poor reader. On the other hand, messing with the grammar leaves the passage readable, and the character still appears sloshed:

"You pretty lady," he slurred, clutching his mug of beer. "You be a very pretty lady. You come sit by me now." He tried to pat the seat next to him, and missed.

My two cents.

Posted by Elan (Member # 2442) on :

I forget who, but I remember someone a few months ago posted a dialog that emulated the speech pattern of someone from Wisconsin. It was spot-on; I used to work with a lady who was born in Wisconsin, and I could hear her speech patterns in the dialog. I like the concept of the music of the speech. It is an astute observation.

Posted by Brinestone (Member # 747) on :

OSC's latest stuff, specifically Magic Street and Crystal City contain excellent examples of capturing the music of a character's speech.