Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Writing Letters

This is topic Writing Letters in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Doc Brown (Member # 1118) on :

Talk about double entendres, this topic is a veritable Rolls Royce (comparable to a Duesey, but still manufactured).

I want to have my narration refer to a spelling that includes the letter W. The current sentence is: "Her nose always did that little wiggle when she said W words."

I think this sentence reads like dry dog vomit, and I wrote the darn thing! Help!

Remember this is narrative, not dialogue. I would spell out "doubleyou" or "doubleyew" if I thought it would help, but it doesn't. Please help. I'm stumped.

Posted by shadowynd (Member # 2077) on :

Her nose always did that little wiggle when she said words beginning with "w". Like wiggle.

***

Puts me in mind of Samantha!

Susan

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

I take it that the phrase "W words" is the problem. Or possibly the inclusion of "wiggle" in the same sentence. Or just possibly the fact that there is absolutely no plausible reason that anyone's nose would wiggle for that reason.

"W words" is a problem because it doesn't give much information about what constitutes a "W word". "Wiggle" is simply a remarkably silly word, and happens to describe a rather unlikely action in this usage. My solution would be to simply drop the entire concept expressed by this line.

Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :

I'm not sure if I'd jump straight to Survivor's conclusion, but I have it in the back of my mind as I ask: What the heck are you talking about?

Posted by Lorien (Member # 2037) on :

It was my first thought that things get messed up because you have the word "wiggle" in there before you try to use "W words". Maybe use something that doesn't start with a W.

I see others suggest that too. And, yes, it made me instantly think of Bewitched. Was that your intent?

Posted by Robyn_Hood (Member # 2083) on :

W-words, huh? Well, could you give us a context? Without knowing what comes before or after this sentence, it is difficult to help you come up with a solution.

I know I've written whole scenes and finally I get to one sentence and it sounds really bad (and I'm the one writing it!). I'll try a variety of things to get it to sound right, but more often than not, I have to go back a few sentences <oops,my HUB BS-detector started going off>, I should say paragraphs and sometimes pages. In the more extreme cases the problem isn't that one sentence, it was the whole lead in that got me to the sentence in the first place.

Posted by Doc Brown (Member # 1118) on :

Survivor pretty much summed it up. I have two critical concepts that are central to the story: "w" words and wiggling. It is an unfortunate coincidence that the wiggle and word both start with the letter w. I need to use them over and over without sounding silly.

Naturally I had already considered changing one of them, but then the story falls apart.

I have looked for a synonym for wiggle and a synonym for word, but found nothing that fits the narration. I might be able to change the w to a different letter.

It is amazing how a useful tool like illiteration works wonders when you want it, but kills a whole story when it appears unbidden.

Posted by shadowynd (Member # 2077) on :

And what is wrong with eliciting a smile from your reader? As a character trait, it is absolutely adorable. Whether you wish it to be or not!

Were that character standing in front of me in reality, I fear I would smile each and every time her nose wiggled, despite myself. What then is wrong with bringing that reaction to your reader in the manner that you describe the trait?

If you were trying for dreadfully serious, I'm afraid you'll fail, with this quirk, no matter how you describe it.

Susan

Posted by Jeraliey (Member # 2147) on :

When I read that, I immediately thought of one of my friends...if you watch her profile as she speaks, the tip of her nose waggles minutely up and down...once I noticed, I couldn't stop noticing!

Posted by mikemunsil (Member # 2109) on :

quote:
Survivor pretty much summed it up. I have two critical concepts that are central to the story: "w" words and wiggling. It is an unfortunate coincidence that the wiggle and word both start with the letter w. I need to use them over and over without sounding silly.

Even though wriggling also starts with a 'w', would it make any sense to use that instead? It sounds as though it starts with an 'r' instead of a 'w'. Or is the sound unimportant compared to the sight?

Posted by SteeleGregory (Member # 2049) on :

quote:
Her nose always did that little wiggle when she said words beginning with "w". Like wiggle.

This still has me laughing. Very clever. I can't think of a better prescription for that sick sentence.