If you had a whiny teenager calling for her mother, would this be correct:
Mo-om
or would it be something else?
Posted by EricJamesStone (Member # 1681) on :
That's how I'd do it.
Posted by Jules (Member # 1658) on :
Hmmm... I wouldn't read that right first time through, I'd have to stop and think about what you're trying to achieve. Not saying I can think of anything better, though.
It could, of course, be something to do with my being British, and 'mom' not being a word I'm overly familiar with.
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
Uh-oh...what term do you use in Britain? (This is relevant in a totally different story I'm writing.)
Posted by Eric Sherman (Member # 2007) on :
Mo-om would say 'moom' to me. I would use 'Maaa', or 'moth-urrr', something like that. I think 'moth-urrr' would work well since the average teenage girl tries to act 'grown up' and so would call their mother mother. Unless they are trying to get on her good side for something. Then it would be Mommy.
I live in the northern part of America though, It depends on the location of hte story.
Posted by Gwalchmai (Member # 1807) on :
In Britain we use mum or mother, but usually mum.
Posted by GZ (Member # 1374) on :
Something about "Mo-om" looks funky to me -- I keep reading moo um. I would be tempted to go with Mom, and used the dialag tag to indicate the whining. If you really want to spell it out whiny, then it's the Ma sound that is stressed, so Eric Sherman's versions ring more true to me.
Posted by teddyrux (Member # 1595) on :
I read mo-om on Mo Om. You could do moooommm!
Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :
Moooommm? My first thought on that one was, a cow moo-ing with it's cud still in it's mouth. And Mo-om doesn't do it for me either. My vote is with the dialogue tag. But at the same time this could easily be overdone in such a situation. Dialogue tags want to be subtle and how subtle can it be to describe the way my twelve-year-old whines at me?
Posted by Pyre Dynasty (Member # 1947) on :
I also read Moom, which alone would be a good thing for a twelve year old to say.
I would write it "Ma, om." but thats weird.
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
At the moment I'm leaning towards Moooommmmm. I thought of using dialogue tags, but they were too awkward in this particular situation. There is a true emphasis on the word that even the POV character would notice and probably spell differently than just "Mom," she whined.
Posted by Nexus Capacitor (Member # 1694) on :
Moooommm would sound like Zooommmm! You should probably only extend vowels anyway. The mmmm is a sound you'd make with your mouth closed. Like "Mmmm Good!" the Campbell's commercial.
I'd suggest a phonetic spelling. Something like "Maaaaaahm!"
I added the "h" because "Maaaaam!" would sound like "Ma'am."
Posted by UnheardOf (Member # 2022) on :
I'd definitely avoid the Mo-om. When I think of a whiny teenager, I can hear her lengthening the word to two syllables: "Mawh-awm!" Or if that seem a little odd, perhaps a simple one syllable: "Mahhm!" In any case, I would approach it phonetically, tossing conventional spelling out the window.
Posted by Eric Sherman (Member # 2007) on :
As one of the youngest memebers on here, and possibly the only one who is still a teenager, id sau that Moooomm isn't going to sound right to the reader, even if you add in 'she whined'.
Posted by Alias (Member # 1645) on :
Or just, Mom!
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
Yeah, once you go for the phonetic spelling, go all the way.
Otherwise, you could just say it was a noise like a castrated bull calf calling for it's mother
Posted by MaryRobinette (Member # 1680) on :
I don't think the phonetic spelling is the way to go, for the same reasons that we talked about in the accent topic. I think that breaking it up as "Mo-om" makes as much sense as anything else. If I hit that, in context, I'll know what the word is supposed to be and just ride the emphasis. Phonetic spelling would stop me and make me sound it out.
Since everyone will give you a different answer, you can just tally them up and do what you want.
Mary
Posted by EricJamesStone (Member # 1681) on :
I've been amazed at the responses in this topic. To me, the "Mo-om" construction seems obvious, but the fact that it doesn't work for so many of you means that it's not.
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
Actually, I was just about to reach the opposite conclusion. I think everyone here is trying to hard, and that my initial, gut reaction was correct. I'm going ot modify it only a little, by putting it in italics....let me see if I can use the tags here correctly to show you...
Mo-om
No offense intended to the Brits in here, but I'm thinking that on this particular one, their commens will not be useful, because in the midwestern U.S. whiny teenagers to say Mo-om, and most of the rest just say Mom. More O's makes it the moom some people thought it was in the first place. a's makes it silly a nd overdopne.
Thanks for your comments, but I'm going with my guts. If this gets to a stage where I'm asking for publication, I'm thinking it's not going to lose me a sale, but that if an editor wants to change it I'll gow ith what he/she thinks.
[This message has been edited by Christine (edited May 14, 2004).]
Posted by Nexus Capacitor (Member # 1694) on :
It still reads like "moe ohm" in my head, but the italics do make it better.
"Mah ahm" is the sound I want to hear when reading it. Of course, there isn't any obvious way to write that.
I'd say go with the italicized version.
Posted by Eric Sherman (Member # 2007) on :
Vote for moth-urr!
I actully asked a girl at my school about this. She agrees, and we live in the mid-west.
I think im getting a little too passionate about this. :-)
[This message has been edited by Eric Sherman (edited May 14, 2004).]
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
I also live in the midwest and I have NEVER called my mo "mother" either whiny or otherwise. Sometimes you have to gow ith what you know.
Posted by Lullaby Lady (Member # 1840) on :
Christine,
I've read several books where they use "Mo-om." I think if you get to "phonetic" in writing the phrase, you'll draw unnecessary attention to it... JMHO!
