posted
When I came to Hatrack I had the idea that I would take my work in progress (WIP) and improve and focus it. After a while I ran full tilt into that realization that I suspect many of us newbies do: "Oh #@$@! I don't know what I'm doing!" So I set aside that WIP, to start to learn the craft.
Thanks to the people here on Hatrack I have started to develop the 'critical eye' when reading (thanks a lot for a mixed blessing!), and the other day it led me to notice how an author expanded the word count in his first chapter, and avoided info-dumping.
Following is a brief deconstruction(?) of that chapter.
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From Raymond E. Feist, King of Foxes, Chapter One – Return
quote:A bird soared over the city. Its eyes sought out a figure on the throng on the docks, one man amidst the teeming surge of humanity occupying the harborside during the busiest part of the day.
Followed by: Description of the port.
quote:The man under scrutiny…
Followed by: Description of the man.
quote:He paused for a brief second to…
Followed by: Description of the hustle and bustle around him.
quote:Every where the young man looked, he saw commerce.
Followed by: Description of people, trade going on, etc.
quote:The young man resumed his walk and avoided…
Followed by: Description of people around him, possible threats etc.
quote:Looking down from above…
Followed by: Description of a second man, following the young man.
quote:The young noble was fair-skinned..
Followed by: Description of young man, description of what he is seeing, foreshadowing of possible conflict with person following him, lead-in to what makes the young man unusual.
quote:Talon of the Silver Hawk…
Followed by: Description of young man, and his position in society. First presentation of his name.
quote:For almost two years he had been absent…
Followed by: Explanation of why he is returning to the city. First telling of his thoughts and special status in the city.
quote:For a brief instant, Tal wondered…
Followed by: Further description of his status, further telling about the person following him.
quote:The bird wheeled overhead,…
Followed by: Brief statement of something special about the young man.
This goes on for several pages more until Tal meets the first person he knows, a fellow agent, and then the text moves more into plot and dialogue that foreshadows the first ‘contest of wills’, Tal against the person stalking him.
What follows is similar to the opening. An action line moves the plot forward, then is followed by a line or up to several paragraphs of description.
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Now if I had written that, the first several pages would have been an info-dump, followed by about 3 pages of action; 6 pages in total.
The author takes 23 pages, and interweaves the action and the back story in a very distinctive manner. Typically a paragraph either starts with an action line, then follows with description, or is entirely description. However, there are very few instances of two adjacent paragraphs of description.
So, Mike, what's your point?
Well, the point is that when you feel that you are tilting with windmills, don't give up; there are ways to move forward. One is to analyze some of the published writing that you enjoy to look for the techniques that you can use to address your own shortcomings. Another is to critique your fellow writers on Hatrack, even when you wonder(as I often do) if your critique provides value to the author.
Analyzing helps to identify techniques of the craft. Critiquing helps to develop the critical eye. Intuitively obvious? Perhaps. It wasn't to me.
[This message has been edited by mikemunsil (edited October 18, 2004).]
posted
I, too, can definitely say that my critical eye now sees more sharply than before. What I have learned here and the thinking I've put into the feedback I've received has brought about a very dramatic change in my WIP (a novel), which is definitely for the better.
Posts: 284 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
You point out some really important things; things that have been pointed out in my own stories lately.
There are times I feel like I know the story and I just want to get it out on paper so I end-up omitting details that readers want.
Sometimes I'm just not confident enough in my own writing to write a particular scene and make it interesting (i.e. action scene/fire-fight sequence), so I more or less do a: sequence lead-in, "Yadda, yadda, yadda...", end of sequence.
I did this in my Billy Goats Gruff re-write and a couple of people, who did deep crits for me, asked for more description of the action.
[This message has been edited by Robyn_Hood (edited October 19, 2004).]
posted
Last night I pulled out a copy of one of my favourite books and began examining the opening. The first three pages are spent describing a character and town without really getting into any real action for the story. It isn't boring or dumpy, but it takes its time getting started. The book is a adventure romance, but we aren't even being introduced to a major character (the character is important to the story, but not central to the plot -- as I recall).
Perhaps when we start out writing, we get so wrapped up in "the rules" that we can't just let the story unfold in all its complexity.
In fact, I noticed the same thing when I read The Legend of Sleepy Hollow for this month's challenge. It isn't boring, none of it, but you don't even get to the core action of the story until more than halfway through.
My particular pet peeve is the infamous "newbie's prologue".
We beginning novel writers may not always know either how to write well, or how to start a story off with a bang, but many of us intuitively understand the importance of the backstory. So we write these rambling prologues and promptly get squashed for it. Well, that's OK, we're here to learn. However, I often think that we get criticized for not starting out with a bang, while also not being properly informed that the information we presented WAS important to the development of the novel; it just wasn't appropriate for what we were presenting, ie a prologue/first chapter of a novel.
I have been checking the fantasy genre books I have been reading lately, and 90% of them start with prologue material. Good prologue material. Material that I read 99% of the time, as I understand its importance in this genre.
So, let's make sure that the next newbie we support here, also understands that the information they have so ingenuously presented with open hands, has value.
Now, having read what I wrote, it sound a bit like sour grapes. It's not. It's just me. I learn slowly, but I learn.
[This message has been edited by mikemunsil (edited October 20, 2004).]
When I read what you posted in "Feymark Chronicles Prologue v. 3", I immeadiately thought of this thread. In your opening, you have some wonderful description happening and while it isn't really rushed, I think it is a great example of a place where you could probably spend more time building the description without info dumping.
Really, I don't know where the action is going to be, but I also don't care. I don't even need to know about the stinky humans. I want to know more about the queen and the Fey. Who are they? What are they? What kind of world is this? Etc., etc.
[perhaps it would have been better to post this in F&F, but this thread just reminded me of it. ]
posted
Good points, Robyn. One thing that I need to remain aware of is not developing a skewed perspective because of the heavy emphasis on the first thirteen in the F&F forum here.
Of course, if you read the entire prologue, you will learn more. You don't even have to critique it.
[This message has been edited by Magic Beans (edited October 20, 2004).]
posted
I wouldn't mind taking a look. I do have a couple of others that I need to complete crits for, but I'd love to see how you put the rest of the prologue together.
Posts: 1473 | Registered: Jul 2004
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