I don’t know who archives these, but I’d appreciate it if you’d make sure this gets saved for future generations of Hatrackers.
I want to start off by asking a question. Have any of you here ever felt like you don’t fit in. I’ve felt that way most of my life. I certainly didn’t fit in when I was in high school. I wasn’t a jock, a stoner, or an aggie. I wasn’t a preppy or a head banger. I just drifted through high school never fitting in anywhere. Most of my life, I’ve felt like a sailboat with no wind to push it, drifting aimlessly on the sea of life.
Then, I found Hatrack. I didn’t register when I first discovered Hatrack. I was afraid I wouldn’t fit in, so I lurked. I read all the posts and got to know the personalities of the people who dwell on the banks of the Hatrack River. One day I got up the nerve to register. My first post was in the newbie thread on the “other side” of Hatrack River. The discussions about OSC forum. The first person to welcome me was rivka. Thank you.
I’m not sure how much I’ve contributed to Hatrack. I don’t post in the serious issue threads for fear of offending someone or getting ripped to shreds for my beliefs. While Hatrack is the only place I’ve felt like I might fit in, I sometimes wonder how many people here would miss me if I ever left Hatrack. Would Hatrack continue on it’s merry way without me?
I don’t know how I came to feel that I didn’t fit in anywhere. Maybe it all started when my father left home. It’s entirely possible that I have abandonment issues. My father moved out when I was three. I didn’t see much of him. The last time I saw him, I was ten years old, I think.
I realize that most people wait for their 500th or 100th post before writing one of these, but I’ve been in a really reflective mood lately. I just hope that by posting this, I can contribute something meaningful to Hatrack.
The first event that got me in a reflective mood was Raia announcing in the hug thread that her grandfather had just been diagnosed with cancer. It got me thinking about my own grandfather who died of lung cancer and emphysema. Then Katharina posted the story about her mother’s death. That got me thinking about my mother who is currently undergoing chemotherapy after having a mastectomy.
That got me thinking about what I’d do if she died. I’d be lost without her. She’s doing well and is considering returning to work soon, but you never know if the cancer will return. I’m scared.
I really do wonder if Hatrack would notice if I left. I won’t leave, though, because this is the only place where I feel like I belong. I still wonder how much I’ve actually contributed to Hatrack.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Was I really first? Cool!
I know you've been dealing with some rough stuff lately, Derrell. (((((Derrell))))) I'm glad your mom is doing better.
Yeah, it must be scary, knowing the cancer could come back. But honestly, none of us know when our time will come. We can only do our best to live good lives until them. Sounds like both you and your mom and doing well on that score.
I would miss you if you left Hatrack!
And I think many Jatraqueros -- me included -- have experienced the never-fitting-in scenario.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
rivka, you were the first to welcome me, and the first to reply to this thread. Thank you. I just needed to get these feelings out in the open.
(((rivka)))
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
There's no reason not to write something like this just because your post count isn't in the thousands.
Thanks for reminding me yet again how cool a place Hatrack is. I'm glad you're here.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thanks, Nato. Hatrack is a cool place, isn't it?
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Yes, Hatrack is a special place and you contribute to it just as much as the next person. Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
(((((Derrell)))))
Posted by Danzig (Member # 4704) on :
Well, as someone who has always felt a little different than the average jatraquero, I think you fit in more than I do, for whatever that is worth. But you know what? Who cares if I, or you, fit in or not? I will continue to read or post here for as long as I feel like it, the site shuts down, or something like that. Hopefully everyone else here feels the same way. It is usually comfortable to fit in, but often you learn more from the person who is unlike you. I leave you with the following maxim I read somewhere.
Doing what everyone else does to fit in is lazy. Doing what no one else does to be different is just lame. Posted by lcarus (Member # 4395) on :
You haven't been around for very long, but you have struck me as a very thoughtful person. For what it's worth, I'm glad you're here now.
[ March 03, 2004, 11:33 AM: Message edited by: lcarus ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thank you to all who have responded to this post. I am loved. Yay!
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Hey you're in AZ right? We'll get together soon.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
PSI, I live in Tempe. I live near 48th street and Southern.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Derrell, it's just nice that you're here.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Ditto.
(((((Derrell)))))
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Derrell, you belong.
Thanks for being here.
Thanks for opening up to us.
You will notice that the Judgemental Quotent for this community is extremely low. We don't judge people by anything other than the respect they give to others. You fit in very well.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thank you, one and all.
Eruve, will you stop turning me into a molten blob of superglue?
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
I haven't been around all that much, and have a notoriously bad memory anyway, but welcome Derrell.
Glad you made it here.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*bump* Thanks eslaine. Now, who are you, again? j/k
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Derrell....
*shakes head*
I wish I'd known that. I just spent a whole weekend in your neighborhood.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
You did? Rats. I could've met my second Hatracker. Then I would be a real boy. For those who are new, you're not considered real until you've met at least 2 Hatrackers.
PSI, what area do you live in?
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
I'm in Northeast Tucson.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Tucson, cool. I have a cousin who graduated from The U of A with a degree in aerospace engineering. The next time you're up here, we should have lunch or something. It would be so cool to meet another Hatracker. Then I would be a real boy. Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
But then I still wouldn't be a real girl. I need another Hatracker.
(I have had to really refrain from joking about making Derrell a real man in this thread.)
[ March 03, 2004, 01:43 PM: Message edited by: PSI Teleport ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thank you for showing some restraint. There are at least 2 other hatrackers in the Phoenix area. Architraz Warden just moved here from Tucson. Shigosei is going to ASU. I think there are others, but I can't think of their names at the moment. My memory must be failing. Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Yeah I know. I tried to make Feyd have a get-together while I was there but I'll assume he's really, REALLY busy.
It just occured to me that I've been spelling Derrell's name wrong in this whole thread. In order to not have my moronicity archived forever I need to go back and fix it.
[ March 03, 2004, 01:42 PM: Message edited by: PSI Teleport ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
I wonder if we could do it on a Saturday? He and I had lunch when he came up here for job interviews. We ate at a Mexican food place not far from my house. If Feyd won't come, maybe we could get Shigosei interested. If not, I'd still like to meet you.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
If you left we'd all be wondering who is the object of your soul mate declaration. Now that we know it isn't Dana.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
I'm glad you like it here at Hatrack. Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
pooka, I won't be answering that question unless that person say it's ok.
Storm Saxon Thank you.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Do I have to keep bumping this? I don't want a land mark thread that only has 28 replies to it. Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Derrell, I am way to new to say I know you, but I appreciate the sentiments from you here that I have seen. You seem to be a very thoughtful person. Glad you have found your way to this wonderful place where you feel you belong.
((((Derrell))))
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thank you beverly.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
(((beverly))) I hope your husband doesn't mind me hugging you.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Don't make me bump this thread.
I'm glad I'm not the only weird person here. The preceeding sentence was inspired by Jenny Gerdener's landmark post about being weird. Jenny, thank you for making me feel better about being weird.
When I wrote the first post in this thread, I was feeling pretty down. I feel better now. besides, I have my friend Harvey the giant invisible rabbit.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Hey Derrell! We must be long-lost sibs or something. Ain't this a great day to post a landmark thread?
I didn't know anyone else was planning on posting landmark threads today. I almost stopped when I saw yours, but then I knew that if I didn't post it right at that moment, I'd be too chicken to do it.
You are welcome at Hatrack, whether as a lurker or a poster. Either way, you are an important part of the community.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Hi Jenny. I'm glad you posted your landmark. As I read it, I wondered if we were related. I too have an extremely vivid imagination. I was moved by your story. I to you.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Oh stop!
I think that from now on, we'll be Landmark Siblings. Sound good to you?
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
quote: Do I have to keep bumping this? I don't want a land mark thread that only has 28 replies to it.
Derrell, you've already beat my landmark. Don't sweat it....
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Derrell: We shall see. Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
nice to meet you You seem rather cool
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thank you, Synethesia, you seem pretty cool too That's a cool screen name. How did you come up with it?
eslaine, I'm sure your landmark was superior to mine.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Darn nice to meet you, Derrell And hope to hear more about you on your #1000 post (or whenever you wish to tell us more).
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Corwin, it's nice to meet you too. I'll definitely reveal more about myself in my next landmark. I don't know if I'll wait until I reach my 1000th post. I was prompted to write this one by the events I mentioned in that first post. I've just been in a really reflective mood lately.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Yeah, well, I may follow your example and write my own landmark post before I reach 1000. On my ***th post After all, incertitude is what's making life interesting, isn't it ?
[ March 03, 2004, 04:54 PM: Message edited by: Corwin ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Nice picture, Corwin. Don't wait for your 1000th post if you don't want to. I for one will read your landmark with interest.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
So, you were able to see that picture ? I can go to see it by writing the adress, but when clicking on the link I provided I got an error message. So I removed it... It's back again, don't worry By the way, feel free to explore and look at the other pictures too. They're my little brother's.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Yes, I could see it. i like it.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Btw, I bet you wondered *how on earth did that link dissapear and then reappear ?!* Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
yeah, I did wonder that.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
I don't think landmarks should be limited to thread count. Something major happens in your life, or something causes you to embark on a self-searching journey, that's cause for commemmoration.
Nice one.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
((((((((Derrell))))))))) I am another one who would certainly miss you if you left Hatrack. You're a great person, and a wonderful friend! I definitely have had that experience of not fitting in anywhere, and not just by not being athletic, or preppy...
I never fit in anywhere because my background is so jumbled. I'm like a chameleon, I try to fit in everywhere, but I never actually manage it. Oh well, this isn't about me, it's about you, I just wanted to say that I understand exactly what you mean! *hugs again* Good to have you on Hatrack. Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thank you to everyone who's responded to this thread. Icarus, i noticed my post count is higher than yours. Who are you calling a newbie?
[ March 04, 2004, 01:23 AM: Message edited by: Derrell ]
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
That's probably because he's posting under lowercase Lcarus the name, instead of Icarus.
Edit: (checks) Yep.
[ March 04, 2004, 01:26 AM: Message edited by: Ryuko ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Oh. Sorry Icarus.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Why the evil clone?
Hey, I could do an lmogen... doesn't work so well.
Edit: I can't believe I forgot ... sorry Derrell! I've really enjoyed having you at Hatrack - ever since you've been here I've found you incredibly kind, open, thoughtful, honest and caring. With those qualities, I definately think you fit in at Hatrack.
((((Derrell)))))
[ March 04, 2004, 08:53 AM: Message edited by: imogen ]
Posted by lcarus (Member # 4395) on :
Ok, I first read that thread and thought 'dongle'??
'Dongle' is why the evil clone?
Then I saw the post number...
<wishes there was a penny drops smilie>
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Derrell, I'm glad to learn that Hatrack has become sort of a home for you. It's good to have you around.
You'll find that the longer you stay here (even moreso than the number of posts, I think), the more people will get to know you, and the more Hatrack memes you'll carry around stuck to your pantslegs. Sort of like toddlers, but without the grape jelly. And being a part of the Hatrack experience is all about weaving in and out, being here a lot then a little, killing a few threads, starting a few others, and mostly hanging with your buds.
No pressure. Just keep being a good guy. [Unless you want to go evil -- then you need to talk to celia. ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thank you CT and Imogen. I think I'll stick with being good. I wouldn't want to stray into celia's territory. Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Icarus, one of these days will you start a thread about your adventures in community theatre?
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
I'd miss you if you left. Us Arizonans already have a hard enough time competing with those Floridans, Utahns, and SoCallers. Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Da Goat, this is so true. We need to have an Arizona get together.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
We need to have a French get-together. Oh, wait... Since I'm the only one I can have a Hatrack French get-together in my own bathroom. Isn't that cool Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Oh yeah, sorry Icarus. My brain isn't working well today.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Derrell
It's nice to have you here.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thanks Bob. I only hope that someday I can be half as cool as you. Oh, and congrats to you and Dana.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Bob & Dana
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
I'm glad this isn't an onanism thread.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*Bump*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Cool, 25 different people have replied to this thread. Well, 26 if you count me. Again, I'd like to thank all those who replied.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Derrell, you are mistaking responses for the number of people who read this thread. Many people may read it, but have nothing specific to say, or feel it has already been said and so they don't say anything. There is nothing wrong with this. Constantly bumping won't necessarily get you more responses, and might get the rest of us wondering why you have some sort of inferiority complex going on.
That said, I'm sorry your mother is going through a rough time.
AJ
[ March 05, 2004, 02:36 PM: Message edited by: BannaOj ]
Posted by CalvinMaker (Member # 2032) on :
I think this is the first time I've ever seen anyone actually post five times in a row.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
quote:By the way Farmgirl, I notice you haven't posted in my landmark thread.
Sorry about that, Derrell.
I really did read it when you posted it. I just couldn't think of anything original to say that hadn't already been said by all the other fine Hatrackers here.
Glad you found a sense of belonging here.
Farmgirl
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Derrell, a lot of persons probably read your landmark and hadn't see anything else to say. I for one often read landmarks and not post in after. I did it for yours because since I know what you are going through with your mother, I feel closer to you. Can seem stupid, but... Anyway, it's a beautiful landmark, I'm glad you're here and I hope you'll stay for a long time and things will improve with your Mom. ((((Derrell)))) EDIT : BTW, I checked, and my own landmark never had a second page, and I'm an old-timer here !
[ March 06, 2004, 02:37 PM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
(((Anna))) Thank you. Farmgirl, I'm glad you posted, but wasn't trying to lay a guilt trip on you. If it came accross that way, I'm sorry.(((Farmgirl)))
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
But honestly, none of us know when our time will come. We can only do our best to live good lives until them. Sounds like both you and your mom and doing well on that score. ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
j/k
![[Grumble]](graemlins/grumble.gif)
![[Wave]](graemlins/wave.gif)
![[Hat]](graemlins/hat.gif)
to you.
![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
I can't believe I forgot ![[Hail]](graemlins/hail.gif)
Bob & Dana
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)