This is topic Why?????!!! in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
 
Remember me? I'm sure some of you would. The last time I posted was 4 years ago. So hello everyone and I hope you are doing well.

Just wondering.... if anyone has any help on how to survive a divorce.. please let me know. It was not my choice and I am often in despair. I'm just wishing Marlozahn didn't go through with it.

I'm also trying to figure out the best career choice to make in this aweful economy.
I'm afraid my web developer skills are out of date.
And I just realized that I would be happy as a journalist... but that field is dieing.
I'm in school to be a dental assistant. I thought that field would be nice a steady for now.
 

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Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
 


We actually had a recent thread from another member a few weeks about about his pending divorce. Man, must be something in the water! I was going to link it, but it has been deleted. So I'll paraphrase what I said there:

I have been there. And now, almost exactly 9 years after my ex walked out the door, I can tell you with certainty: you WILL get through this. And it WILL suck. A lot.

I suggest two things ASAP: talking to a therapist and finding a support group. In both my case and that of several friends, those two things made a tremendous difference. You would do both of those things if someone close to you had died, right?

And you are dealing with a death: the death of your hopes and dreams, the death of the life you had, and the death of the relationship you fought to preserve.

My email is on my profile if you want to talk. Good luck.
 

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Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
UW: IMO, if you were truly a web developer and have genuine programming skills, it will probably be easier and potentially more lucrative for you to refresh those skills than to learn an entirely different trade.
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
I'm so sorry, UW.
 

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Posted by Jake (Member # 206) on :
 
Unicornwhisperer, I'm sorry to hear that this is happening. Like rivka, I've been in your position, and I agree with her--while this will absolutely suck, and suck horribly, it is something that you'll get through. This will pass.

I didn't use either a therapist or a formal support group, but things probably would have gone easier for me if I had. What I did do was lean heavily on the forum community (more sakeriver than here, really, but at that time there was more overlap between the two). It was something of a life preserver for me. Having some kind of a social support system, whether a support group, a close-knit online community, or good friends and family living nearby, is pretty important, I think.
 

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Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
 
In my area I always see ads in the classifieds for dental assistants.

Divorce? Get out there and experience life. Volunteer somewhere. Join an adult singles group (adult kickball is huge in my area for singles).
 

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Posted by Wingracer (Member # 12293) on :
 
I've never been divorced (because I've never been married) but I have certainly had my fair share of hardship. Fortunately I have always had the ability to find the opportunity hiding in the dark clouds.

Lost a job, time to do something different and better.

Got dumped, time to meet new people.

The key is to try and make something positive out of the situation. Don't sit around dwelling in misery, get out and do something constructive.
 

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Posted by IanO (Member # 186) on :
 
I am so very sorry. I've been through the same thing. But you WILL get through this. The pain doesn't last forever.

Lot of things got me through it. Friends, being active, especially engaging in volunteer work. And just letting myself feel what I was feeling without apologizing for it, justifying it or fighting it. One thing, though. Even though it's hard and seems natural, hating the other person, trying to emotionally hurt them or get back at them, will only hurt you. It will poison you. So let that go, or at least refuse to allow yourself to indulge in those thoughts.

You will be up and you will be down. Just know all of this is normal.

It IS a death- of your relationship, of your future together, of your stability, of a part of your identity. So allow yourself to grieve.

But also know that you can rebuild yourself, and you will come out this a stronger and healthier person. You will do well.

if you want to talk:
iohlander at ogequip dot com
 

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Posted by Emreecheek (Member # 12082) on :
 
I have no advice to give regarding your divorce. But, I am sorry, and you have my sympathy.

Regarding employment, I will say that my friend, who majored in Media and Communications, now works as a dental assistant having had no prior dental or medical experience. As far as I know, it's a good gig. I'll ask her a couple of questions.
 

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Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
 
What about journalism appeals to you?
 

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Posted by Magson (Member # 2300) on :
 
My ex walked out in 2003. The divorce took 2 years.

Here's a couple of things that I knew at the end of those 2 years that I wish I'd known at the beginning:

• It sucks. A lot. But it passes.
• Take care of YOURSELF financially 1st. Don't be fooled into thinking that if you keep "taking care of her" that she will think anything positive of you for doing it.

There's more, but I'm n a rush right now, sadly.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this.
 

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Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
I'm so, so, sorry.

I wish I could help or offer any really good advice, but you have my sympathy.

Do take care of yourself. Sometimes things happen to us that are not our choice. We have to fight through it and survive. As many have said, those things suck. And they hurt. A lot.

But, you WILL survive. Hang in there, UW.
 

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Posted by Emreecheek (Member # 12082) on :
 
Aparently being a dental assistant isn't necesarrily a bad gig, but it isn't great either. My friend gets $10 an hour, and good dental (go figure), but the other benefits are mediocre, and her job is occasionally gross. So, perhaps dental assistant wouldn't be a good pick for you, should you have other choices of employment.
 

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Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
 
Here in WA. Dental Asstants can get paid
$13-$20 an hr.
 

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Posted by MattP (Member # 10495) on :
 
That's the range for an entry-level developer job, with the ceiling for the field being *much* higher.

I'd second Tom's suggestion to brush up on your dev skills and look for work in that area. At least here in Utah the tech field isn't too bad. My group of 15 developers was just laid off and all of us found new jobs within a couple months. I'm actually making more than I was at the previous job and cut my commute time in half. The only downside was that I'm no longer working for Microsoft, which had lots of perks.

You might also look into QA jobs. They are usually easier to get into it and a lot of shops are trying to ramp up test automation so if you've got dev experience that'll really help.
 

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Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
 
Do I need a degree though? There are a lot of employers who want a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science... and I don't have that... I only have an associates degree in Multimedia. They taught us some webdevelopment. You can learn all the scripting languages online. And I hear that a lot of employers believe that you already know everything and dont even train you when the field changes. And it changes ALOT!
 

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Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
 
You don't need a degree for QA, at least not an entry level tester job. If you've got dev or programming experience, I'll take that over a bachelor's any day.

A lot of testing is grunt work, though. It can be a little boring. For me, testers are developers in embryo. I expect them to get further education and move on to developing in a couple years.
 

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Posted by MattP (Member # 10495) on :
 
I had multiple job offers for "senior software engineer" positions at or above my previous pay and I have no degree. Experience and ability is more important than a degree (for most companies) even if they list a degree as a requirement in their job posting.

As far as QA being "dev lite", that really depends on the company. At Microsoft a SDET (software development engineer in test) is an equivalent position to a SDE (software development engineer), with an identical pay scale, expectations for technical skills, etc. The company I just started with is similar. That's by no means universal though and Scott's view of the role of QA is very common.
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
As a side note:

Go for the developer positions. On top of everything that has been said before, in general, developer and QA are "male" professions, and dental assistant is a "female" position. This sucks, but the mostly "male" positions will pay more, have more benefits, and have greater career potential. Don't get stuck in the pink ghetto.
 

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Posted by Geraine (Member # 9913) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by katharina:
Don't get stuck in the pink ghetto.

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This made me laugh quite a bit. I've never had a male dental assistant, and I don't know why there aren't more. It has to be a great way to meet women.
 

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Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
I'm sorry you're in such a rough situation, UW.


*

Jake,

quote:

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Originally posted by Jake:
Having some kind of a social support system, whether a support group, a close-knit online community, or good friends and family living nearby, is pretty important, I think.

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Is that all I was to you? A crutch?!?
 

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Posted by Jake (Member # 206) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by twinky:
Jake,

quote:

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Originally posted by Jake:
Having some kind of a social support system, whether a support group, a close-knit online community, or good friends and family living nearby, is pretty important, I think.

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Is that all I was to you? A crutch?!? [/QB]

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quote:

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Originally posted by Jake:
Actually, I was just thinking the other day that it was crazy how long it had been since we'd hung out. We should rectify that in the near future.

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