I remember when I was 15 I had curfew of midnight that I didn't like. When I was out with my friends having fun, I didn't want to have to leave and go home so early.
Then one time something sad and ugly happened around 2am. It didn't involve me directly, it just upset me because I saw it. People were acting bad because they drank too much and the resulting scene was squalid and too personal and it was revolting and sad and I remember wishing I had never seen or known about it.
So then I was like, this is why my mom said she wanted me home by midnight. A light bulb went off, I guess, and I realized mom was sometimes right about this stuff.
Of course, she was wrong about things that had to do with who I am and who I should be. But I have to admit she was right about a whole lot of things to do with the way the world is.
If you could leave your future kids some wisdom about life or the world, what would it be?
Posted by Lisa (Member # 8384) on :
Seriously? Listen to your mother?
Posted by Xann. (Member # 11482) on :
Don't drink at 2am when your fifteen? That seems more the problem than breaking a curfew.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
quote:Then one time something sad and ugly happened around 2am. It didn't involve me directly, it just upset me because I saw it. People were acting bad because they drank too much and the resulting scene was squalid and too personal and it was revolting and sad and I remember wishing I had never seen or known about it.
So then I was like, this is why my mom said she wanted me home by midnight.
It's a good thing it didn't happen at 11PM, then, or you might never have had your epiphany.
Posted by Katarain (Member # 6659) on :
I think the point is that bad things don't happen before midnight. Pay attention, Tom.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Wisdom:
1) Don't say "I can't" until you've tried at least five times. Then say, "I need some help, please."
2) People like other people who like them. Enjoy everyone, even the kid with the funny smell.
3) Play with your brothers and sisters. You're going to be a family for a long, long time.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
I never had a curfew, as I always came home, and was up in the morning the next day. My mother did not mind that for awhile most of my friends drank, as I personally had decided not to, and was always the designated driver. My younger siblings all had curfews however.
I guess the lesson for me would have been then that curfews are not always necessary.
Incidentally I did learn that when it comes to understanding girls I should have listened to my mom in high school as she understood them far better than my hormone fogged cranium.
Posted by Tarrsk (Member # 332) on :
quote:Originally posted by Katarain: I think the point is that bad things don't happen before midnight. Pay attention, Tom.
I thought the point was "don't shoot light bulbs."
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
I pretty much always listened to my parents.
They never gave me a curfew!
Posted by Achilles (Member # 7741) on :
Question everything. Especially me.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
Wear your seatbelt. Especially when you've been out drinking and the driver tells the one kid who wasn't drinking, "I'm fine." Because he really isn't.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
quote:Originally posted by Achilles: Question everything. Especially me.
I *wish* I had added stipulations when I started out my parenting career...
Posted by James Tiberius Kirk (Member # 2832) on :
I've thought about this -- if I could go back to my high school, and tell the kids three things?
Do your homework.
Become interested in learning a skill, and master it on your own.
Listen to your mom and dad.
That's all.
--j_k
Posted by James Tiberius Kirk (Member # 2832) on :
quote:Originally posted by Scott R: 2) People like other people who like them. Enjoy everyone, even the kid with the funny smell.
Also, this.
--j_k
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
My mother just made me give her a call to let her know that I'd be out all night, and might not be home at all. The only real rule we had was "If you're drunk, call me and I'll give you a ride. Don't drive."
Posted by Traceria (Member # 11820) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tatiana: Of course, she was wrong about things that had to do with who I am and who I should be. But I have to admit she was right about a whole lot of things to do with the way the world is.
Yeah, that basically sums up how I feel about my mom, at least most of the time. Not that she was always wrong about the who I am and should be stuff, but she wasn't right on either.
quote:Originally posted by BlackBlade: Incidentally I did learn that when it comes to understanding girls I should have listened to my mom in high school as she understood them far better than my hormone fogged cranium.
*snort* Told a guy friend once: It's no wonder we're so confusing; more often than not, we don't understand ourselves!
As far as advice goes, I like what JTK said.
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
quote: If you could leave your future kids some wisdom about life or the world, what would it be?
You're not going to listen to me. When you don't, I'll be here for you.
Posted by T:man (Member # 11614) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tatiana: Then one time something sad and ugly happened around 2am. It didn't involve me directly, it just upset me because I saw it. People were acting bad because they drank too much and the resulting scene was squalid and too personal and it was revolting and sad and I remember wishing I had never seen or known about it.
How about don't hang out with people who drink excessively after midnight. You didn't have common sense when you were young?
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
She was young. Of course not.
Posted by T:man (Member # 11614) on :
For some reason I have always stayed away from people who will get me arrested or get me killed, wierd huh?
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
When I was a young girl bemoaning having so many freckles, my mother assured me that they would go away when I grew up. She was wrong.
Of course, she was right about almost everything else so I've forgiven her that one mistake.
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
My mother's done a 180 on various opinions between the time I was a teenager and now. I think the only advice she would have given back then that she'd still stand by:
1) Education is a good thing, independent of the work you do. 2) Avoid all recreational drugs, including the legal ones.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
quote:When I was a young girl bemoaning having so many freckles, my mother assured me that they would go away when I grew up.
One of my ex-girlfriends always talked about how much she hated her freckles. But I always thought they made her even cuter.
I'm sure there's some sort of moral in there about finding someone who'll not only accept you for who you are but like you better because of it. Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
quote:Originally posted by Lyrhawn:
quote:When I was a young girl bemoaning having so many freckles, my mother assured me that they would go away when I grew up.
One of my ex-girlfriends always talked about how much she hated her freckles. But I always thought they made her even cuter.
I'm sure there's some sort of moral in there about finding someone who'll not only accept you for who you are but like you better because of it.
I actually quite like my freckles now and so does my husband, but you can't expect that kind of perspective from a 10 year old who is being teased.
Posted by Artemisia Tridentata (Member # 8746) on :
When our Combo (thats Band for you youngsters) started to play regularly, Mom told me that if the porch light was on, I should still come home.
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
quote:Originally posted by CaySedai: Wear your seatbelt. Especially when you've been out drinking and the driver tells the one kid who wasn't drinking, "I'm fine." Because he really isn't.
How about, instead of caring about putting on a seatbelt, don't get in a car being driven by someone who has been drinking!
Posted by Carrie (Member # 394) on :
I'll just quote Jim Valvano to my future kids:
"If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day."
Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
1. Care about something. 2. Know the difference between risks that will make your life better and risks that will make your life worse. 3. Don't hate people for any reason.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
These are great! I think I would add some maybe.
1. Don't let yourself envy other people's accomplishments. Celebrate with them.
2. Control your anger and put it to some good use. Never let your anger control you.
3. Suppressing bad emotions just makes them build up. Instead, just release them and let them go. Your bad feelings are probably blocking something wonderful that is waiting to get through to you.
4. Read a lot. You learn a lot that way.
5. Appreciate everyone. There isn't a single person on earth that you can't learn something from. (In LDS terms, realize that any random person you might meet today will someday be an exalted being before whom you, if you saw them that way now, would want to fall on your knees in awe.)
6. Enjoy simple things. Shared work. Shared jokes. Shared sorrow. Shared fun. Amateur singing no matter how bad, and playing instruments. Reading funny or interesting things to each other. Cooking good food together. Curling up for a nap in the sun. (Sometimes I think I'm part cat.) Listening to good music, and dancing your heart out. Sweating at the gym then swimming laps outside in the chilly evening. Wrapping up in towels and turning the heat on full blast in the car to thaw out afterward. Petting a purring cat. Watching the sky at every season and any time of day or night. Watching wildlife out your back window at home. So many pleasures attend our every moment, even the pleasure of drawing a deep satisfying breath of clean air, or drinking a cold glass of water when thirsty. Don't fail to notice them.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
quote:2. Control your anger and put it to some good use. Never let your anger control you.
This is what you tell your kid after you introduce him or her to Star Wars for the first time.
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
'if you let your anger control you, your face gets all grey and wrinkly, but you can fire lightning, so what I'm telling you, son, is that I guess everything in life is a tradeoff'
Posted by Mocke (Member # 11963) on :
Advice
1. Don't drink and drive. Don't drive with someone who is drunk.
2. If I find drugs in your room, you will go to rehab. If it happens again, you will live in rehab/military school/whatever until you are an adult. I will not watch more of my family ruin their lives with drugs.
3. Read
4. Do your homework, even if it seems pointless. Straight A's go a long way towards going somewhere in life.
5. Play sports, even if you aren't good.
6. Enjoy yourself. Find something to look forward to every day.
Posted by Vyrus (Member # 10525) on :
quote: 2. If I find drugs in your room, you will go to rehab. If it happens again, you will live in rehab/military school/whatever until you are an adult. I will not watch more of my family ruin their lives with drugs.
I understand not wanting it to ever happen to anyone in your family again, but is abandoning them really the way to make it better? Or is it just exacerbating the problems? Often, if people go to drugs, it's when they're trying to escape from other problems, and not always just because of the drugs themselves.
There's a thin line between tough love and tough.
quote:Originally posted by Tatiana: Of course, she was wrong about things that had to do with who I am and who I should be. But I have to admit she was right about a whole lot of things to do with the way the world is.
For me it's been the same thing, only with my dad instead of my mom.
My dad is amazing.
My advice:
1)Live. Fully and beautifully.
2)Read. Listen. LEARN.
3)Listen to what those old geezers have to say; a lot of them know what they're talking about.
4)Now take what you've learned, go out, try it for yourself, and see what you find to be the truth.
5)Pass that on.
Posted by Mocke (Member # 11963) on :
I didn't say abandon. Just move them into an environment that can help them with their problem. It's not cutting off all contact, but I have no experience or plan to get people off an addiction.
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
I'd wait and see whether they were actually addicted before going to such lengths. Doing such a thing to prevent possible addiction seems a bit much to me. But I like your determination. (You don't have kids yet do you.)
Posted by Vyrus (Member # 10525) on :
I do think it's important that you're so concerned-many aren't.
But if your child recreationally smokes weed once or twice, I don't think it warrants military school for the rest of his childhood.
While your concern shows that you wouldn't be cruel enough to abandon your child as in not talking to them or disowning them, but it's nonetheless taking them away from their home and family and friends to put them in a frightening, alien place.
Rehab is a much more reasonable medium, although for the entirety of their childhood might be a tad extreme.
Posted by Mocke (Member # 11963) on :
Yeah, not yet... theory and practice are two different things.
Posted by Sean Monahan (Member # 9334) on :
Don't ever put yourself in a position where you will regret not trying.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
The thing is, they have to KNOW that you mean it. They have to be shown by their family that there's NOT any excuses. And that it's not just a minor peccadillo. Drug abuse is something you can't do when you live at my house. Period. That gets you kicked out.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
Sean, exactly. If I don't show by my actions how much it matters, I'm teaching falsely.
Posted by Sean Monahan (Member # 9334) on :
I didn't read the posts immediately preceding mine, so it kind of looks like I was participating in that conversation, but I wasn't. I was listing something I would like to teach my children.
"Son, don't ever put yourself in a position where you will regret not trying."
Posted by Elmer's Glue (Member # 9313) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sean Monahan: Don't ever put yourself in a position where you will regret not trying.
Kinky.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
Ah, I get you now, Sean. Posted by Liz B (Member # 8238) on :
Hm. Kicking a kid out of the house seems like a pretty serious first step. I can see getting there. I can't see starting there. (In case it's not obvious, I'm talking about myself, not anyone in particular in the thread.)
I think it's like this. If some random teenager happened to be living in my house and I found a stash of weed--yes, I'd kick her out. And because I'm a nice person, I'd try to find her some kind of rehab program or other place to live.
But we're not talking about a random teenager...we're talking about my child, grown up to be a teenager, with all of the history and love that implies. Love sometimes means making hard decisions, and if I suspected anything other than casual use, the hard decision very well might be rehab or some other residential program. But love also sometimes means something in between "it's not a problem" and "if you do this, you're out."
Of course, I think there *is* such a thing as casual use of alcohol and weed. I know some people participating in this thread probably don't. Under other circumstances--drugs that I think are inherently dangerous, like meth--my reaction and tolerance would be different.
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
Look at it this way: you might want to be sure the kid is ruining her life before you shortcut the process and ruin it for her.
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