Sometimes i think that this ideal has gone to far. Last week at my school, we had to stop school and have a three hour assembly then a day of mulling around talking about it over the death of a student. But, the student, was a drug dealer, skipped school, got suspended for violence, and would walk around using overly vulger laungauge. he once call ed my girlfriend the c-word. Now during the assembly(after the first hour) my friends and i went and sat in the cafeteria. After another about fifteen minutes a teacher came and screamed at us, i just said "truthfully, i don't really care". he went on to say i was being disrespectfull, i went on to say "i never knew him" he said something about how it effects everyone, i said "not us" and we left school. The teacher didn't know us, and didn't seem to care once we left, but really isn't it going to far? why should we think of how great bad people are? Do i really have to sit and give praise to some one i hated, i despised everything about him, how could i sit around pretending to care?
Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
Presumably there were those who did care. Even drug dealers have mothers. How would you like it if someone disrespected the ceremonies for someone you did care about? Rituals are for the living, not the dead.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
My school never had assemblies for dead students. They did offer optional grief counseling for those who needed it, and provided information on memorial ceremonies and excused those who missed class to attend them. I thought that was much more appropriate.
Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
Three hours? Wow. Nothing like being forced to mourn. I would have left too, Xann.
Posted by Lupus (Member # 6516) on :
I don't think someone should be disrespectful, but I don't think they should have to sit through a service if they don't want to. As long as they leave the room where it is taking place, I think that should be allowed. Perhaps do some sort of study hall type thing
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
Forcing people to mourn is pretty tasteless.
Posted by Lisa (Member # 8384) on :
I wouldn't have waited the hour.
Posted by Qaz (Member # 10298) on :
Me neither.
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
Had the altercation with the teacher taken place in the assembly, I would say you were being disrespectful. As it is, you removed yourself from the situation and only said anything when confronted by a teacher.
I'd say you did the right thing.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
I wouldn't have lasted an hour, either.
I agree that it doesn't sound to me like you did anything at all wrong.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
We just lost a really popular art teacher, the second teacher to die of cancer this year, the other being a 30 something gym teacher. We had an assembly the morning after she passed and watched a video us seniors had made for her while she was in the hospital. While we were watching it a freshman near me was texting on her cell phone. She didn't know her, she was being forced to sit in this gym and watch a potentially boring video of person after person talking about how much they loved her and hoped to see her again. I asked her to leave the room but I didn't think less of her for it.
Posted by Tara (Member # 10030) on :
When a student died at my school, there was a 20 minute assembly, followed by optional grief counselor sessions, and the rest of the day free to be with your friends at school and socialize in whatever what you wanted. This seemed entirely appropriate to me, because the students who did need to be with their friends and grieve had the chance to do it, while the majority of the student body who had had no idea who the kid was just had a free day. We did end up playing Trivial Pursuit in rather loud voices, and I did wonder if any of his friends were upset by that, but no one complained.
I think it's important that you show you care and to be a part of the community for at least a little while -- say a 20 minute assembly -- but then they should let everyone return to their lives. People usually grieve on their own time anyway, not during designated grieving sessions, so it's all kind of pointless. I guess it's just important to stop for a while and acknowledge what happened, so those who are grieving feel supported.
Posted by cassv746 (Member # 11173) on :
The kids I knew who died in high school never got an assembly. They made an announcement at my school each time a student died. The principle came on and said what happened and what times the viewing and funeral were and that was about it. Sometimes grief counselor's were there sometimes not. It all depended on the grade if the kid was a freshman you could bet $100 they'd have counselor's.
We were never forced to sit through an assembly though. Even the dumb homecoming assemblies were optional where you could just sit in the cafe if you wanted.
Posted by Threads (Member # 10863) on :
I don't see anything wrong with leaving. For a three hour assembly I would have just left campus and grabbed something to eat with my friends (which I'm allowed to do as long as I sign myself out).
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
I have a hard time believing that people who did not earn my respect in life, deserve my respect in death.
Still I recognize that memorials are not for the dead, they are for the living and most importantly for the living who loved the deceased. No matter how despicable I found a person to be, it seems cruel to say that those who are grieving.
It seems to me that the best compromise between those two statements is that funerals and memorials should be kept as intimate affairs for those family and friends who mourn the dead and not made in to a public spectacle where friends, enemies and stranger alike are forced to either pretend or hurt one another.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
I have been one of the grief counselors invited in after a death in a school. I was glad to be there for the kids who really needed to talk, but many of the kids who made appointments seemed to be doing so to get out of class.
The only "group" thing I've done in that context was circle time with a kindergarten class after one of their teachers died suddenly. We talked about sad feelings, and most of them wanted to tell about their dogs or fish that had died.
I agree that forcing someone to participate in public grieving when they either didn't know or didn't like the person who died is counterproductive. When a classmate of mine in Jr. High shot himself we had a minute of silence in first period on the morning of his funeral. That, I think, was fine -- I can respect our common humanity enough for a minute of silence, even though I thought the kid was a jerk. I wouldn't have wanted to have to go to his funeral or an assembly and hear about what a great person other people thought he was though.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
I can't remember a student dying while I was in high school, but a girl in junior high committed suicide and the principal came on the PA system to tell what had happened, and the teachers were directed to send students to the counseling office it was necessary.
But, I don't think you did anything wrong at all in leaving. The assembly should have been optional, or maybe mandatory for the first 20 minutes and then optional for students who wanted to. Given the circumstances, your previous encounters with the student I mean, I wouldn't have gone at all probably.
Posted by SoaPiNuReYe (Member # 9144) on :
quote:Originally posted by Threads: I don't see anything wrong with leaving. For a three hour assembly I would have just left campus and grabbed something to eat with my friends (which I'm allowed to do as long as I sign myself out).
/jealous
I remember in Jr. High a girl just randomly died in our PE class. The school ended up putting a little headstone with her name on it in its garden. My homeroom teacher actually taught the student and she was crying her eyes out, but the school didn't really force anything onto us.
Posted by sylvrdragon (Member # 3332) on :
Maybe I'm just overly defensive, but if that teacher would have said that to ME, they would have gotten a lot more than that. Something along the lines of "I'm not being disrespectful, I'm being apathetic. You'll know it when I'm being disrespectful, and if you stay on this subject any longer, you'll know it very soon."
I'd say that teacher got off lucky.
Posted by Xann. (Member # 11482) on :
I was called to the office with my friends today. The assisant princible apoligized for the teacher.
On a different note i hate my school, for various resaons, dome day i will list them on a new topic.
Also one thing that really angered me was that the student was a senior, and because that we had to have the assembly. An honors freshmen who died of cancer this ear barely got a moment of silence.