I'm in the mall parking lot. I've gotten into my car. I'm about to put my key into the ignition, when suddenly a strange man comes up and places both hands onto the driver's side door.
"Sir...sir...sir. My truck is out of fuel. I need you to help me out. Sir...sir...sir. If you it was you, sir, I'd give you money without a thought."
I was a bit put off by him trying to guilt trip me before I even responded to his plea for help, but I gave him what I had...five dollars. (Since I've gotten used to using my check card, I only carry bills with me if I need to pay to park or something.)
He stared at the money for a minute. I rolled my window back up, placed the key into the ignition.
"Sir...sir...sir. That's not good enough!"
"Well, that's all the money I have on me!"
"Sir...sir...sir..."
I asked him (not nicely at all) to please get away from my car.
Was he being rude, or did I overreact?
Posted by Strider (Member # 1807) on :
he was being rude. you didn't overreact. $5 is more than enough money to put enough gas in to get home. And to guilt you before you even had a chance to answer is pretty strange. Makes me question the legitimacy of his request in the first place.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
I personally wouldn't have done it at all. That might be cold (regardless of their real intentions), but anyone with that kind of assertiveness can probably get it from somebody else.
Posted by Tstorm (Member # 1871) on :
Yeah, I wouldn't have given him anything. Most of the time, I don't carry cash, so I can honestly say, "Sorry, I don't have any cash on me."
That's pretty pushy compared to the confrontations I've experienced.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
I sometimes get this lady downtown who says "Could you buy me a cherry tart and a lemonade from that store over there? It's only $3.95."
Well, the sad thing is she's really overweight and missing several teeth. It breaks my heart, but I don't really feel bad about turning her down on an intellectual level. But besides her not "needing" that, I don't ever go to P.F. Chang's my own self.
If she ever asked me for a Burrito or a Chicken sandwich, I suppose I would have a different conflict. I wish I could invite her to sit down and eat with me, but that thought really scares me. Probably would her too.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
I don't think you were being rude at all. It's likely I would have given him a couple dollars, but I'd say he was beyond pushy and I wouldn't have felt bad for saying no from the get go.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
It was pretty clearly an illegitimate request.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
I wouldn't help someone who approached me that way, either. He probably could have called someone else to bring him gas. I wonder how many other people he asked that day with the same excuse.
If it was someone who appeared not to be able and they were nice about it, I'd either give a little money if I had it, or help them find other help, like notifying the state patrol.
I have given money when they offered to return it and showed me their driver's liscence and took my P O Box address to send it to. And yes, they did return it.
I'm sure it depends on where you are, too. Here, the gas station will let you go get money if you ask politely and leave your licence with them.
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
He was exceptionally rude. That is very threatening behavior, to go right up and put your hands on someone's car door. And then to ask for more is just atrocious. There used to be a group of kids that would sit in the grocery store parking lot back in Richmond and would say "my car just got towed a few minutes ago, can you spare any cash so I can get it back?" or some such. The first time I was polite, but then the next day (same story, same inflection)once I realized this completely able bodied girl my own age was outright lying to the people that were shopping at the low end grocery store I was pretty pissed. I just stopped and told her that it was a pity she didn't recognize me from yesterday, and that not only was she deceitful, but that she was also not very good at it. Irritating. I often gave change/cash/and food to anyone that asked, even though I was working full time and going to school full time, all on my own. I never had money because of my possibly too generous nature, but I was never angry about it until there was essentially a mirror of me, that was choosing to rip people off regardless of their station in life instead of just gritting their teeth and working through it.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
I'd like to try this as a psychology experiment . . .
Of course, I'd give the money back.
Posted by Puffy Treat (Member # 7210) on :
Asking people for gas money? Or telling them the donated money wasn't good enough? Or just prefacing everything with "Sir...sir...sir"? Posted by shathias (Member # 11434) on :
I agree, he was rude. My husband has given money a few times, but now we both usually just use our check cards and don't carry cash. I've never been approached. One guy did come up to our van once and start begging for money to buy food. We were at a gas station right next to a Wendy's so my husband bought the guy a meal. He took it, but didn't seem happy with that.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
Apparently he has never heard the adage, "Beggars can't be choosers."
If he needed some gas money, $5 is enough to get him any short distance. If he lives far away perhaps that is a different story. I might have asked, "Well how much do you need?" I'd also find out how it came to be that he had no money of his own for gas in his truck.
His story and the way he told it would influence greatly my reaction from there.
As for you, I think you did more then the average person, if $5 was all you had in your wallet, $5 is all you had in your wallet.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I just don't often carry cash. If I have cash, I give it when asked (as long as I don't feel that the person asking is threatening me or my children.) It's usually a dollar or two.
If someone says they're hungry, I offer a juice box, a granola bar, whatever I have in my purse. I have given a man my own lunch that I had packed for a picnic (I just ate the kids' leftovers instead.) If I see a hungry homeless person getting out of the heat in a local fast food place with a drink, I offer them a $1 chicken sandwich. It's not much to me but might mean that they don't eat from the trash that evening.
I find our local homeless people are mostly very friendly, not alcoholics, do not ask for money, but gladly accept food, drink, or clothing when offered. They say "bless you" and "thank you" and tell me I have beautiful children. Much more pleasant than panhandlers on the streets downtown or in parking lots (although I give to them whether I think they are lying or not, if I have anything on me. But I usually don't.) My theory is, I give what I can, when I can, because it is not for me to judge if they are lying about what they will do with it, because I do not want to look back on my life when it is judged and see, "You lied and told this man you had no money when you did-- and he went hungry that night."
Posted by Launchywiggin (Member # 9116) on :
Having grown up with drug addicts, that looks a whole lot more like someone desperate for a fix than someone in need of gas/food/whatever. Like others have said, don't give money, offer to go buy the gas yourself, buy the food yourself, etc.
That said, I do give out cash sometimes, but only if it feels right.
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
Yeah, right. He needed fuel? Sounds like a cokehead tale.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
quote:Originally posted by Puffy Treat: Asking people for gas money? Or telling them the donated money wasn't good enough? Or just prefacing everything with "Sir...sir...sir"?
The first only when gas prices exceed three dollars a gallon. The second when ringing bells for the Salvation Army. And the third, only when in a Dickensian orphanage and asking for more food.
Posted by Puffy Treat (Member # 7210) on :
quote:Originally posted by Joldo: The first only when gas prices exceed three dollars a gallon.
Well, there's one you'll have no trouble waiting for! Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
I wouldn't have given him anything. I do not give out cash money to anyone. That's usually pretty easy, given as I don't carry cash except in very rare circumstances.
I was accosted by a man on the campus of my university wanting cash, when I said I didn't have any and kept walking he began screaming at me and chasing after me. Fortunately, there were some other students nearby, including some guys who told him to step back and leave me alone.
I just don't feel comfortable giving out money, too many people will use it for drugs or alcohol. I know some people would be genuinely hungry or genuinely in need of gas or something, unfortunately, the risk is too great for me that I would be feeding an illegal habit or contributing to a crime...if I thought someone took money I gave them to get drunk or high and then committed a crime under the influence I'd feel responsible.
Instead, I would rather support charities like soup kitchens.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
No Puffy, you did nothing wrong. $5 is a generous hand-out. It really bothers me when you give money to someone out of the kindness of your heart and they demand more. This guy was even ruder than that nominally rude situation usually is.
I'm with Sam--the original $5 could have been legitimate (but probably not.) But asking for the second fiver pretty much guarantees he's on crack or meth. $10 is the standard price for a piece of crack.
I never give more than a dollar unless it's a really convincing sob story. Not solely for any moral dilemmas, I just have my own problems. If I had more I would give more.
quote:Originally posted by Belle: I just don't feel comfortable giving out money, too many people will use it for drugs or alcohol. I know some people would be genuinely hungry or genuinely in need of gas or something, unfortunately, the risk is too great for me that I would be feeding an illegal habit or contributing to a crime...if I thought someone took money I gave them to get drunk or high and then committed a crime under the influence I'd feel responsible.
Instead, I would rather support charities like soup kitchens.
That's the tragedy of people conning money-- people don't want to give to the ones who are really desperate because they're afraid of getting scammed.
However, "if I thought someone took money I gave them to get drunk or high and then committed a crime under the influence I'd feel responsible"--that's carrying a causality chain a bit far. If you're against alcohol or drugs that's one thing, but you're not responsible for what people do later down the line.
Personally, I feel we all have our demons to feed. If someone is desperate for food, alcohol or drugs, they're desperate. My giving change or $1 is helping to ease their need. I suppose if I gave more I'd have to analyze it more.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I agree- it sounds like the person was aggressive and rude. If someone asks you for something you aren't obligated to give, they should do so politely. And if they're doing so in a place like a parking lot, they should be *very* careful to do so in a way that isn't aggressive or threatening. And asking for more?
When I was sixteen or so and visiting London, a woman pushed a paper flower into my lapel and told me they were giving the flowers in exchange for money for a charity. When I gave her a couple of pounds (all I had- I was all of sixteen at the time) she replied "Oh, aren't you going to give paper money? Everyone else gives paper money."
...I almost threw the flower at her and demanded my money back.
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