I roomed with a guy I went to high school with. We weren't close in high school, but I figured we'd get along fairly well. And as yet, I thought we'd had.
I go to UGA, which tends to be a very conservative Southern university. As a gay man, I figured it would be better if I made sure I had a roommate who'd be all right with it. My roomie knew that beforehand--knew that was a major part of things.
I've just been told he's been talking behind my back a lot about me. Most of it is just practical complaints, which I only wish he'd brought to me so I could change things.
I would not have heard any of this, though, except apparentley he's been making a lot of really awful homoerotic comments that were making our mutual friends pretty uncomfortable, so they told me. I've not done anything, I think, that would give him such issues. My boyfriend's been over once or twice, but all we do is share the couch--we don't even touch when my roommate's in the room, and we don't even kiss in there otherwise.
So he's put in for a roommate transfer--another thing I was not told. If I had been told, I would have time to arrange another roommate. If I hadn't found out, I would have ended up with whatever fellow the university decided to randomly assign me--and gay UGA students have a history of (1) being harassed my random selection roommate, and (2) the administration doing little or nothing with such incidents.
I'm . . . I just don't know how to see tihs.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
Can you get out of student housing entirely? I don't know how long you've been there, what the rental market in your area is like or any of your other specifics, but after a semester or two you might be able to find enough people to make off campus housing a viable option. If your parents are helping you pay for school, talk to them about this option.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
I'm a freshman, so I can't go off-campus for a little while.
Posted by miamiandy (Member # 8906) on :
Freshmen at most college campuses have to stay on campus and deal with random selection. Your best bet is see if anyone else you know has an issue with their roommates.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
Well, I've got a friend who's MTF trans--she has the issue that they're making her live on guys' halls, and more, she has to pay extra to have a single room (can you imagine finding a guy who'd be cool with that?). I might well room with her.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
Yeah I really reccomend trying to room with your MTF friend if she is ok with it.
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
That would solve both your problems, and since you're gay, she wouldn't have to worry about freaking you out as much as perhaps a hetero guy would be.
Posted by MattP (Member # 10495) on :
Depends on the hetero guy, I guess. I wouldn't have minded rooming with a trans. People are people and all that stuff.
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Oh, this brings back memories. My freshman year at college I was roomed with a guy who was Southern Baptist. Like really Southern Baptist. On my side of the room I had my sci-fi stuff and Rocky Horror posters, his side had nothing but Bible quotes.
I thought we were getting along ok, but turns out he was doing similar stuff as your roomate Joldo. Then in October, as I was all dressed up to go to the Rocky Horror Picture Show at a local frat and in the dorm computer lab he comes in and says he wants me to come with him to the Hall Director's office. I'm like, what?? We go in and he tells the Director that things aren't working out and he wants me to move out.
I'm floored and insulted...and not in any mood to be pushed over. I calmly tell the HD that I had no idea that there were any problems and I don't see why I have to move out.
Long story short he moved out instead and I got a double as a single for half a year. He later came and apologized, saying his actions weren't very Christian. Yeah, tell me about it. We shake hands and I forgive him and we never talk again.
All in all not too bad an experiance, but very weird none the less.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
Way to stand your ground, Telp. That ending is much better than I'd have expected. I'm impressed you stayed calm and in control, and I'm impressed he later had the balls to admit he was wrong and apologize.
Posted by EmpSquared (Member # 10890) on :
One of my ex-roommates complained about me behind my back to my other roommate-- which can get all sorts of complicated. At least the conflict was fairly direct; if there had been more roommates involved it can be difficult to resolve. He would complain about my singing in the morning (11 am), an dabout how I'd pressure him for the rent-- but only after the rent was due. Some people are just not the roommate type, mainly because they're used to only being responsible either to A) themselves and the personal living bubble of space they occupy (and their own set of rules) or B) Their parents, who usually command a certain standard that just isn't present in a college living situation.
He might have felt that his standard of living was being threatened, and instead of handling it like a mature adult and coming to you with the complaints of the practical issues, he complained about them behind your back to let off steam. And the homoerotic comments are, frankly, unacceptable and obviously don't speak well of his character.
Room with the girl! Sounds like a good idea.
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
Look, if you didn't want to have to deal with the harassment, you would just learn how not to be gay.
quote: On my side of the room I had my sci-fi stuff and Rocky Horror posters, his side had nothing but Bible quotes.
I ..
so
want a picture.
Posted by Ben (Member # 6117) on :
quote:Originally posted by Joldo: I go to UGA, which tends to be a very conservative Southern university.
I went to UGA and never found it to lean any more right than left. And the town of Athens itself is a very art and music oriented town, and I'd say pulls pretty far left. But the administration on campus is another story. Sorry to hear you have such a crappy roommate. I hope that you find a more pleasant housing situation.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
Oh yeah, Ben, Athens leans left. But if you're getting a male random roommate, chances are it's a very conservative country boy. And the administration . . . well, I suppose you know them well enough.
On-campus housing is very frustrating. My rent works out to about $475 a month per person, in a very small space I have little control over and have to share with someone else. Granted, utilities are included--but I could get a three-bedroom off-campus apartment with a few roommates of my choice for about half that (utilities included). I know the idea is that you get involved on campus and so on, but frankly, I don't care about that. I am involved, and I am an adult. I want my space. I hate that my university forces me to pay extra to live in their substandard lodging.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Sounds like many of these universities need a better questionnaire and less randomness.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
There're plenty of problems with roommates who know each other before they move in, too.
It's to be expected when the vast majority of college freshmen have never lived without parental supervision. They have (for the most part) no idea how to handle disputes, divide up responsibilities, and how to be a courteous roommate.
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