My younger sister is doing an autobiography project for her 8th grade class. The last chapter is other people's thoughts, and she asked me to write a segment for her. Would anyone mind reading the following and giving me input/advice? The sooner the better, preferrably, she needs it ASAP. Thank you so much!
Dancing Through Life – An Older Sister’s Perspective
“I've heard it said that people come into our lives For a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow If we let them, and we help them in return.” -Stephen Schwartz
It’s a funny thing for me, right now, at twenty years old, to be writing a chapter of Maya’s autobiography. I remember, seven years ago, having done the same assignment for Mrs. Nowlin’s class, and shyly asking my relatives and friends to write chapters for me. What a rewarding experience it is, though, when everyone contributes their thoughts and you’re left with nothing but positive comments and fuzzy feelings! It was as touching an assignment for me then as I’m sure it is for Maya right now.
When I was in eighth grade, life was a very scary thing. I had just moved back to the United States from England, and was feeling a bit out of place. Jackson Creek Middle School marked a transitional period for me, and while I found my circle of friends fairly quickly, I did not have nearly the maturity level or social ease that I see now shining through my younger sister. More often than not, I was known around town as “Maya’s sister.”
It seems to me that Maya has a unique gift. I remember from the time when she was very small that people have been captivated by her bubbling personality. I can’t count the number of times someone from her nursery school in England would comment on what a joy she was to have in the classroom; or how often a teacher from her kindergarten and first grade classes would light up when describing Maya’s daily activities.
In the 2004-2005 academic year, when my father went on sabbatical and my family moved temporarily to Israel, I had just graduated from high school. The transition for me, despite being a fluent Hebrew speaker/reader/writer, was very difficult. I was thrown into a setting where most students spoke English on a regular basis and only used Hebrew on occasion, and yet I was struggling to acclimate. Maya was dropped into a completely Israeli classroom which, as I think she would agree with me, is drastically different from an American school situation, and not only because of the Hebrew language. Kids vary in every culture, and Israel is no exception.
Despite all of these obstacles, Maya excelled academically, socially and otherwise. As well as achieving exemplary grades and recognition, by the end of the year she was requested to sing in front of her entire school in the end-of-year ceremony, and hugs and kisses from her teachers and fellow students were abundant as the realization dawned on them that she was leaving to return to the U.S.
Now Maya is standing on the brink of high school, a beacon in her social circle, and a model in the classroom. As her older sister, I can proudly look on as she moves gracefully through life. I hope I have taught her as much as I have learned. I have no doubt she will continue to succeed as she progresses, leaving an impression on all who get to know her, as those who have already done so will never forget.
“Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? But, because I knew you, I have been changed for good.” –Stephen Schwartz.
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
That was beautiful, good job.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
I liked it, it's a nice essay for your sister.
"It seems to me that Maya has a unique gift." You could cut out "It seems to me that" and have a stronger sentence. I often add similar phrases and upon editing cut them out.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
I think that it's very well written. You can tell that you really care about your subject.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
We both liked it but were a bit unsure of the style at times.
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
I like it. I also really like the idea of writing an autobiography and having other people contribute chapters. Sounds like a cool way to show kids the way that they've been a part of other people's lives.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Well done.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
quote: It’s a funny thing for me, right now, at twenty years old, to be writing a chapter of Maya’s autobiography.
I would say that it's funny to be writing anyone else's autobiography, no matter how old you are. Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
Tom, it's a page in what's usually a 36 (one page a week all school year) page project that takes all of 8th grade. I think my teacher had the about me by family page be the foreward. I still have mine somewhere.
Posted by Raventhief (Member # 9002) on :
Neither of those quotes is from "Dancing Through Life", they're from "For Good". Same musical though, and "For Good" is a truly impressive piece.
It's well written, a little sugary though. To me it reads more like a wedding toast than a biographical statement.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
Raventheif, I don't know that Raia meant that to really say that was what song it was from. I think she just was titling the piece, something that really applies to her sister, who does seem to dance through life, though of course taking advantage of the wicked song.
I think it should read like a wedding toast, or something said in a foreward or at a book publishing party, as that's what it is (not a wedding toast I hope, though I think maya has a boyfriend, yeek).
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What breyerchic said about the song.
Thanks for your comments everyone... ha to Tom! Maybe I'll alter that line a bit. I also fixed the one that Morbo adjusted for me. Thanks!
Oh, and Sarah, I still have mine too. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by breyerchic04: We both liked it but were a bit unsure of the style at times.
Are you writing for two now?
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
As shani knew, fugu's girlfriend was at my house, and reading it. She actually posted it.
Posted by BlueWizard (Member # 9389) on :
"One of life's tragedies is to have never found what you love in life. Life's greatest tragedy is to have never looked for what you love."
Just passing it along.
Steve/BlueWizard
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
It is about you as much as it is about her, which may or may not be as you intended. I did like reading about you both, though.
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Well done.
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